Monday, May 18, 2009

"Well it would have been, could have been worse than you would ever know..."

("Dashboard" by Modest Mouse)

Small victory, big defeat.

First, the defeat. House scale: 250.0 - not surprising since I suck. More on that later.

As for the small victory? Scale in my boss' office: 249.2

Today was the final weigh-in for our work BL contest. Now, someone, please explain to me how I kept losing weight on my home scale and never losing on the work scale, and now I gain weight on the home scale and lose it at work?! I'm beginning to lose my faith in scales, I can tell you that much. But at any rate, I'm not complaining, because that was my goal for the BL Challenge - to get that darn scale to say something under 250.

Anyway, let's move on to the topic of how much I suck, shall we? Since that's such a happy, light topic...

How many times in the past two weeks have I made good food choices? Yeah, none.

How many times in the past two weeks have I done C25k or anything on the treadmill? Um, maybe twice? And neither of those were in the past 7 days.

How many times have I eaten food within an hour before bedtime? I think 3.

How many times have I counted my calories? None.

Yep. I have hit a snag. How utterly inconvenient that I realize this a mere three weeks before my 5k. (Get ready, I know you all can feel it coming...the Eternal Optimist is on her way...)

But, it's better for me to realize what's going on before my 5k rather than after it. Unfortunately, I am human, and I falter. This is my chance to get back on the wagon. We all fall off, and the challenge is getting up and climbing back on, as hard as that may be. Today, I start the climb. Calorie counting. No eating out this week (except for my weekly lunch date with MFN and JMcQ). C25k Week 3. At least four Treadmill 5k's. Upping my 5k training to a 1% incline (since I've heard that running outside is equivalent to running inside at a 1% incline because of wind resistance, hills, etc.)

I can do it. For one week, I can do it.

That family wedding that I was supposed to lose my second 10 pounds for is this weekend. Did I lose my second 10? No. Do I get to reward myself with a cute new dress? No. Am I upset? Yes. Do I get to blame anyone but myself? Nope. I did it. (Or rather, I didn't do it.)

But I will.

That's what this year is about: saying I'm going to do something, and then finally doing it. I've made a small step towards my goal - I've lost 10 pounds. Now, I have to get my ass in gear and lose my second 10. I am not going to finish this year anywhere near the 260.6 I was in December of 2008.

I promise myself, and I promise you.

I feel good about we go (again!)


Misha said...

You CAN do it! I know you can. Rock it out this week, girl!

Lyndsey said...

That is so the right attitude. I'm kind of in the same place. I keep losing some, gaining some, losing some, etc. The thing I'm trying to focus on though is that the lows keep getting lower, even though I bounce around like crazy.

Last week I fell off the wagon hardcore (and into a frozen pizza, a bag of doritos, and a DQ blizzard), but the next day instead of declaring the diet ruined, I chose to eat healthy and move on.

You've lost 10 pounds in about 5 months, and even if it takes you the next 7 months to lose another 10, you're 20 pounds lighter than you were last year! And lets face it, if you weren't working at it like this chances are you would be 10 pounds heavier in Dec 09 than Dec 08.

Mrs B. said...

Lyndsey, you're so right. :-)

iateach82 said...

You can do it, girl! I agree with doesn't matter how long it takes. It matters that you do it. No one is perfect and there are no set rules. You do what's right for YOU!

jeniszen said...

I am SO cheering you on from all the way over here! The fact that you've kept going the past five months is amazing. I'm such an "all or nothing" girl that I would have quit. Obviously, that landed me where I'm at today. I'm trying to change my ways and YOU, my friend, are the shining example of the persistance I hope to emulate.