You're just what I needed...

Started out in a bad mood today. Not really sure why, but then things just kept happening to perpetuate it. Sometimes people at work drive me nuts. Sometimes they ask me to do things that they themselves are perfectly capable of doing. Today both of those things were happening.

The bad part about all of this? I let it take control. I let my bad mood have its way with me for a little while, and that resulted in me replying very harshly to an email from The BFF. Under 'normal' circumstances, I never would have been so curt, short, and just down-right mean to her. And under NO circumstances is it okay. I replied to her, then went to a two-hour meeting that just succeeded in sending my bad day over the edge. When I came back to my desk and re-read my sent mail, I felt horrible. And I apologized.

But still, apologizing doesn't make someone immediately feel cleansed of the wrong-doing they did. (At least me, anyway...) So I was already having a bad day because of other people, and then added on top of that the bad day I had created for myself, and I was a mess.

So I went to lunch. I decided to go out somewhere and try a manual attitude adjustment as it were. I thought, I'll go out, I'll get out of this toxic office, I'll re-group, and I'll be good to go.

And, I'm not a religious person. I don't believe in God per se. I have a hard time convincing myself that we're all just puppets and that there's some big man in the sky who has planned our whole lives out for us. But, what happened next, I might just be able to chalk it up to a little divine intervention. Or a nice little coincidence, but tomayto, tomahto.

I sat down at a booth in the restaurant (Chick-fil-A, if you're curious), and there were two gentlemen in the booth directly next to me. The man with his back to me was probably in his early 40's, and the man facing me, in his late 20's, early 30's. I could tell that the younger gentleman was mentally challenged in some way, but I can't tell you exactly what it was. Anyway, they carried on a conversation and ate lunch together. The younger guy seemed very happy to be out and about, and just happy and genial in general.

When they finished, the younger gentleman passed my booth to throw away his trash. He stopped, turned to me, and said, "Have a nice day. I just think you are very pretty."

And that, right there, was the attitude adjustment I needed.

I know that it is sometimes uncomfortable to 'normal' people when special needs people say things that we normally wouldn't, but to me, that is one of their best qualities. To not be concerned about being embarrassed by what they say - to tell a complete stranger in a crowded restaurant that she is pretty - wouldn't the world be a better place if we all did that every once in a while?

You never know how you can change someone's day - even the smallest, inconsequential things - it just might be the attitude adjustment they needed.

So...

Two weeks ago, I ran a mile non-stop for the very first time in my life.

Then I did nothing.

Tonight, I ran a mile non-stop for the very second time in my life. And I did it 58 seconds faster.

What I'm learning from this is that I was always able to run a mile, I just never believed I could, and never cared enough to find out.

The first time, it was pretty easy. I didn't even start hurting until about 8/10 of a mile. Tonight, it was way harder. I didn't sleep well last night, I didn't wait very long after dinner for my food to digest, I've been super sore for the past 3-4 days for some unknown reason, and (tmi warning, my friends) TOM's visiting. Instead of breezing through 8/10 of a mile, I struggled through it.

Every. Single. Step.

I told myself I could quit at .5 mile. Then I got there and told myself I needed to see how much farter I could go. I got to .650 and wanted to quit so badly, but the OCD in me wanted to keep going until at least .75o, a much nicer number. Got to .750 and almost cried, I was so miserable. Luckily, the numbers were moving pretty quickly, so the suffering was not incredibly long-lived.

I made it to 1.000 for the 2nd time ever. So this means that no matter what, no matter the day, no matter how sucky it is, no matter how much I hurt, I can make it to 1.000.

No matter what.

Thoughts on yesterday.

Crazy day at work - my first MRI training session was a disaster (I'm training company-wide on a new software roll-out. Fun times). On the good side, it took up my whole afternoon so I didn't have time to get bored & hungry. Not sure if it's starting the Metformin again, but haven't really felt hungry today. No problem with eating today, but am a little sore from yesterday's workout. (That means it's working, I guess!)

Didn't work out at all today since I was dress shopping with The BFF and got home late. At least I had a good day calorie-wise (1100) and was still up and running around helping The BFF pick out dresses and get in and out of them - a workout in itself!

Surprised at how little calories were in my Noodles & Co. dinner - a small spaghetti and a ciabatta roll with 1 teeny tiny pat of butter = 550 calories! Good stuff! And a victory for me with making the right decisions when I'm unprepared. I'd never been there before, and didn't have a chance to check out the nutrition information before we went.

Trying not to feel guilty about no cardio today, but I'll get back to it tomorrow - it will be easier since I have no after work plans.

_______

Here in the mid-west, we're gearing up for a HUGE (read: 3-6 inches, lol) snow storm that is supposed to ruin our day tomorrow. It's all people at work can talk about, of course. It seems like snow storms absolutely RUIN our tri-state commutes about once a year - and on that one day, it takes 45 minutes to go two miles down the street (last year, no joke!), or four hours to make the 25 minute commute home. Those days are always fun and always make me lose my faith in the intelligence of the human species.

This year, I'm preparing. I'm packing my bags and some snacks, and if it's horrible out by the time I leave work, I'm going 2 miles down the street to the nearest hotel. Screw that four hour drive with stupids stuff. We'll see how it all goes, I guess.

Getting into the swing of things.

I love lists and forms. I'm one of those crazy people who actually likes paperwork. Crazy, I know. But anyway, I created a daily sheet to fill out. I'll upload a picture of it later, when I actually have one, but suffice it to say, it's amazing. It rocks. It's a Diabetic, OCD dieter's dream. (She said, ever so humbly...)

At the bottom, there is a place for notes from the day - how I was feeling, what I did, what's going on in my life, etc. You know, what people did before blogs - using pen and paper to write things down on...archaic, I know, but it's quick and simple.

At any rate, those notes will probably make up the majority of my blog posts while I'm working hard on losing this weight so I can get pregnant and miserable.

So here you go - yesterday's notes:

Day 1. Good so far. Felt hungry during the day, but had snacks handy to combat. Surprised at how little food I had with it still adding up to around 1500 calories. Still good, though. Tried 5-6 new poses on Wii Fit Yoga (love it!). Harder than it looks & harder than the "live" class I took. Can't do the "one knee lift" pose at all, or "tree" pose very well. My foot keeps slipping down my pants - lol. Surprisingly, completed the "chair" pose, but my legs shook the whole time. It's tough! Did three, 3-minute Wii runs and did 1.5 miles total on the treadmill. Ran the whole last half mile non-stop @ 3.5mph. I'm pretty stoked about that! MRI Training this week at work has me stressed, plus The Hubs going back to school. Feeling slightly overwhelmed but trying to stay positive. Wedding dress shopping with The BFF tomorrow should be a fun stress-reliever. Not sure how I will fit in the workout or what I'll be doing for dinner, though. :/ Bummed that I'll miss the first episode of TBL, but excited for The BFF to finally get to try on dresses rather than be a bridesmaid watching the bride.

2009...

Sure was an interesting year for me...

I started a blog and maintained it much more and longer than I thought I would.
I started and stopped (and started and stopped, and started and stopped) eating right and working out.
I lost (and kept off) 10 pounds for the first time ever.
I participated in FIVE 5k races.
I learned how to deal with a husband who is a full-time college student and a full-time third-shift employee.
I made a ton of new internet friends. (Hi y'all!)
I had a minor breakdown when I learned what it really meant to have Diabetes and want to get pregnant.

The BFF spent the year dealing with the big, honkin' tumor in her uterus. She also got engaged on Christmas Eve!

Tonja got married and is expecting her first baby (a girl, to be named Brianne Marie) in April.

MFN has somehow survived almost an entire year with a deployed husband. (Who will be home for two weeks at the end of this month! Yay!)

The Hubs and I came thisclose to buying a house. And then we didn't. We did buy a Wii, though. :)

I didn't do everything I set out to do when I wrote my first post. But I did lose weight, and I did do five 5ks, and most importantly, I learned A LOT. 2010 is just going to have to be the year I put all that learnin' to use. I have more tools at my disposal than I ever have, and I will never have a better reason than getting pregnant to motivate myself.

This is the year that it all happens. It has to be.

Five.

I was happy with four, really I was. That there's my problem, you see. I started out this year saying "Hell yeah, I'm gonna run five 5ks this year!" The first one sucked, but was exciting. The second, third and especially the fourth, really sucked and weren't quite as exciting as that first 5k high. I had the fifth one scheduled and then (miracle of miracles) I had to go to my Grandparents' 50th Anniversary that day and couldn't go to the race.

And you know what, besides a little disappointment, I was perfectly okay with not reaching my goal of five 5ks. I had made my peace with it, especially after the Cheetah Run absolutely kicked my ass.

Sure, there was a little nagging voice in my head saying "look, you need to do another one. You said you'd do five, and you need to do five." but he was so easily squashed by the memories of the suckiness of the previous ones that I really wasn't worried about it.

Then The BFF (bless her little, pea-picking heart) sent me an email at work one day a couple weeks ago.

"Any interest in doing this 5k with me?"
"Yes, actually." (Where the HELL did that come from?! That couldn't have been me!)

And then the dread set in. My thought process went something like this: "Oh my God, I have to do this again? What the hell am I thinking? Although, it would be nice to actually accomplish my goal. Yeah, but dude, they suck! I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this."

And most of the way to the course, I repeated that mantra. "I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this."

But, I did.

Here's The BFF and I with the Mayor of Santaland! Who knew that (1) there was a Santaland, and (2) it had a mayor who frequented 5ks? (ps...does he not look like a Willy Wonka character?! lol)

Yeah, it's all fun and games before the torture starts.

The 5k was through a local drive-through holiday lights display. Most of the first mile was a nice flat loop out and back, and then it went two times up through the loop where the lights display was. OH. MY. GOD. the hills. I will have nightmares about those hills. One hill that went up for ever and ever and ever. Then down a steep hill, then up a smaller hill, then down a steep hill, then up another freaking hill that went on for ever and ever and ever again, then down a steep hill.

I have never been so close to giving up in all my life. After the third hill on that loop, I really thought that I was going to finish the first lap around and give up. I very, very seriously considered stopping when I rounded the corner and saw the first hill looming in front of me. And the two-mile marker midway up was just a slap in the face. I couldn't do it. I couldn't face doing those hills again and going through that hell. It was cold. I couldn't feel my hands, I couldn't breathe, and when I did, it was icy daggers in my chest. I wasn't even two miles in yet, and had three huge, crazy-ass hills standing in my way.

And I didn't want to do the damn 5k in the first place.

Luc,kily, as I rounded that corner and saw that hill, I also caught a glimpse of two of my co-workers just a couple steps infront of me. They had started the race as walkers. As walkers, and they had passed me. Which isn't really that scandalous, since I'm used to getting passed by walkers when I do 5ks. But they were my co-workers. One, I didn't want to look bad infront of them, since they knew I started as a runner, and two, I was so focused on catching up with them that I temporarily forgot about my determination to give up, I turned the corner and started up those damn hills one last time.

And I finished that damn race. I finished my FIFTH 5k of 2009. As much as I didn't want to, I accomplished the goal I set back in May. I have actually completely completed a goal. Other than my wedding, I am almost 100% positive that I can't say that about anything else in my life.

I didn't want to, but I did, and I'm glad.

Practically perfect in every way...

I know that I'm not perfect, and I know that I can be annoying (who me?!), frustrating (never!), and sometimes bitchy (mood swings? Unheard of!). In spite of these things, my husband loves me; I know this to be true. And (admittedly) unlike myself, he's very good at keeping criticism to himself.

However...

Yesterday, while cleaning, I gathered up all the DVD cases and random loose DVDs that have been floating around our house for the past couple of months.

This picture tells you two things: (1) I have an unhealthy obsession with Gilmore Girls (all but two of those loose DVDs are from different GG seasons), and (2) I really suck at putting DVDs away. It's one of the only things that The Hubs will actually (in his gently nudging way) complain about. I leave DVDs in the player, on top of the player, on top of the TV, next to the TV, close to the TV, and just about anywhere but in the case and on the shelf.

So I gathered them all up, and on my third (yes, third) trip carrying DVDs into the living room from our bedroom, The Hubs said, "Where the hell were those?! I didn't even see them in there!"

Oopsie...remember that you love me, honey!

But, in the end, I made good and everything was back where it belongs. All the DVDs were in their cases and back in alphabetical order on the shelves.

And all was right with the world. At least until I decide to watch the whole Gilmore Girls series again.

(I love you, honey!)