So, we're moving. In with my in-laws. And I don't want to.
This is so not a good time to be in my marriage right now. I am miserable at the thought of having to move in there. For so, so many reasons that my husband just doesn't "get". I've been independent my whole life, and the thought of moving in with family when we truly don't have to is just killing me.
Not to mention the fact that I just don't feel comfortable there. It's not that they try to make me uncomfortable, it's just that it's not my house, you know? This might seem stupid, but they don't have a living room or family room area with a couch and a tv to just veg in front of. And vegging in front of the tv is one of my main activities. LOL. When we move in, if I want to watch tv, I'll either have to do it in our bedroom (where I can't be watching Logan if he's awake and running through other parts of the house), or in the eat-in part of the kitchen, where their only public tv is, while sitting at the dining room table. How can you really get comfortable and veg out while sitting at the dining room table?
And the other thing? I know you'll all find it absolutely shocking, but I'm not a Miss Mary Sunshine 24/7/365. (Gasp!) The Hubs' parents are very much a "let's not talk about anything upsetting or bad or get in an argument in front of anybody" kind of people. I've known them for seven years and never once seen them come close to arguing. And there have been times when (in my OWN house, mind you) I've said something to The Hubs about something I don't agree with and the MIL has been there, and she's openly scoffed at me for saying what I've said or expressing my feelings in anything less than a Miss Mary Sunshine way. I can't go for the next year (at least) without expressing my feelings or opinions to my husband. I. WILL. EXPLODE.
I am on the verge of an anxiety attack because I'm imagining all the ways in which this is going to suck. It's not that I don't see the positives. There are some. But the selfish part of me sees all the positives for everybody else, and none for me. The Hubs goes back to living at home (which he did until he was 30, so he's completely comfortable there.) He gets to be taken care of by his mom again. He gets to be closer to the shop (a big garage on their property with every tool imaginable) so it will be easier for him to fix things. He gets to be closer to his friends. My MIL gets to have her baby back in her house, with the bonus of her grandchild (who she acts like more of a mother to). She won't have to drive 45 minutes each way every day to watch our kid anymore.
What's in it for me? Saving money for a house, which was the premise I agreed to? Not really. You know, surprisingly, you don't really save a ton of money moving in with someone. Especially when we were super lucky to have extremely low rent at our apartment. And the money that we're saving will go to paying down our debt first, which we won't even fully be able to do in a year. So to me, it's looking like I get to be completely miserable and uncomfortable in a place where I feel constantly judged, for no benefit. We'll basically be slightly less in the hole than we were when we were living on our own, with no savings to speak of for a house down payment.
This is me whining.
I. DO. NOT. WANT. TO. DO. THIS.
13 hours ago