Over it.

Last Week: 239.6 lb
This Week: 244.6 lb
Gain: 5.0 lb

And I'm over it.

Especially over it when I gained back five freaking pounds and yet, I'm still PBing at almost every fucking meal.

I can't eat "normal" foods. I can't live on protein shakes.

I'm calling for a serious unfill today. I want it out. Everything I just got and more. 2cc, 3cc, I don't care at this point. I just want to get to a point where I know for sure that I'm not going to be PBing on anything.

And I am going to stay that way for a month. And during that month, I'm not going to weigh in. The weigh ins have just become something I dread, and something that makes me feel like crap. So I'm not going to do them for a while.

This sucks.

Wednesday Weigh In and Thoughts on My Fill

Last Week: 245.2 lb
This Week: 239.6 lb
Loss: 5.6 lb

Yes, you read that right. Five point six pounds. And after struggling for weeks and weeks bouncing up and down the same few numbers on the scale, surprise! Here are the 230s! Which puts me this many pounds down from my HNPR weight:

On one hand, I'm super stoked to have lost that much, and super stoked to be in the 230s, which my brain just isn't quite registering yet. On the other hand, this fill is STILL rough. I made it through lunch yesterday without an issue, but can't say the same for dinner. Nothing stayed down. A little while later, I tried some cereal because {1} I was hungry, dammit, and {2} I just wanted to chew something. The cereal slid right through, as I had hoped it would, which was such a relief that I really had to work to limit myself.

If I'm honest with myself, I think I need a tiny unfill. Maybe 0.2 cc. At the same time, though, I'm enjoying the benefits of being where I am. I haven't been snacking nearly as much - partly because I'm just not hungry, and partly because I'm scared to death that whatever I choose to snack on will make me miserable in five minutes. I haven't been eating breads, pastas, rice, etc. because I'm afraid to. And knowing I'm teeter tottering along the red line has made me super cautious as I eat (which I should be anyway, but am not the best at remembering). So there ARE good habits that are being forced upon me by this restriction. And there are also not-so-great consequences, like the fear and possibility of PBing up every single meal. (Which mentally makes me feel bulimic, and that's definitely not the mindset I should get from the band.)

I just know that I need to make a decision soon, because I've been told that if I go in for an unfill within 7 days of a fill, it won't cost me anything (I haven't tested this out yet, and am skeptical, so I guess we'll see). So I have to go back before Saturday if I'm going to do it. And what I want to do is just say, "oh, well, let's see how lunch goes.", and then if lunch goes fine, "let's see how dinner goes", and I'll just keep doing that until Friday night when a free unfill isn't an option anymore. I just need to decide, but I don't want to. I don't want to give up good weight loss numbers and go back to jumping around the scale for weeks on end. But I also don't want to PB every other meal and be hungry, but miserable at the thought of eating anything.

I just want to make smart decisions. What's best for my band, my body, my bank account, etc. It's just not an easy decision to make. I don't want to go back and get some taken out, only to need it back in a couple weeks and have to pay another $75 to get what I already had.

And now I'm rambling and talking in circles. So I'll take that as a sign that I need to end this and just hit "publish" and let all my wonderful bloggy pals comment to help me figure all this out. GO!

Two Things...

ONE) I can't believe I forgot to send some blog love to my dear Cheri at Staying In The Pink. She's joining the banded sisterhood today, so please stop by and send her some love!

TWO) I was able to (mostly) eat lunch! I'm currently completely obsessed with Panera, and have been getting their Classic salad (no onions!) plus Chicken with the sweet, sweet nectar of the gods that is the Honey Tangerine Dressing. I ate super slowly, finished most of the chicken, and ate probably only about 1/2 cup of the greens total. And I had two teeeny tiny pinches of the inside of the baguette. But I was able to eat! I started feeling a tiny bit stuck after about 5 minutes of eating, but just waited for a few minutes and it passed. And, rather unfortunately, I've just discovered that my band has ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM letting Whoppers (as in the malted milk balls, not the Burger King sandwich, eww) slide right down. I'm cutting myself off. Right now. (Okay, I just popped one more in, but seriously. Right now.)

Fill No. 4 (A really long post.)

Holy moly, chickadees. This fill has been an experience.

A tiny bit of background: my surgeon used to be a private practice. Shortly after having my surgery, he joined a large, university-based group. So now, a lot of things are done "centrally" through the group, like making appointments, etc. Last week, he moved his office to a different building in the hospital/surgery center/medical building complex that they've been in. Previously, the office was in a section of the complex that was similar to a strip mall type set-up, where each doctor's office had it's own outside door and was it's own individual space. Now, they've moved into one of the medical buildings, so you have to walk into the big building and then find the "suite" for your individual doctor.

So on Saturday, I arranged for MFN to watch The Kid and I went to the new building to get my fill. My appointment was at 1:30 and I showed up at 1:20. I walk up to the building doors and...they're locked. I knock, nothing. I do that whole hands covering the sides of your face as you creepily peer into the building thing. Nobody. I notice that there's another set of doors directly across the atrium on the back side of the building - maybe those are unlocked? So I get back in my car, drive around the building to the back side, park, get out, go up to the doors, and...locked. WTF? My next thought is to call the office, so that's what I do. Only, remember how I mentioned that as a part of this new group everything is more centralized? Yep, I get an automated system saying that the group's normal business hours are Monday through Friday, blah blah blah, thank you, good bye.

Again I say, WTF?

Seriously, what do you do in that situation? I know the office is on the second floor, so it's not like I can go all peeping Tom in the windows to try and find somebody. I can't get in the doors, and I can't call. What the hell?

Very luckily, as I found out later, the receptionist had been taking two other women back to their appointments and heard me knocking on the door (Even though she couldn't see me because they were up on the second floor of the open atrium. She could hear me, but couldn't see me) so she came down to let me in. I only had to wait about five minutes. As opposed to the two other women who had just been taken back, who had been waiting and knocking outside for more than an hour, with everyone inside completely oblivious to the fact that the doors were locked. The receptionist and my nurse apparently just thought that those two ladies didn't show up for their fill appointments, and the consensus was that the doors must have automatically locked on a timer because other people were able to get in earlier in the day.

I finished all my paperwork and paid my $75, then sat down to wait for my appointment. At this point, it was already 1:45 - 15 minutes past my original appointment time, and had we been at the old location, I would have been in and out by now. But since the other two ladies waited outside for the entire duration of their appointment times, I now had to wait for both of them to have their fills before it could even be my turn. I finally went back at 2:20, almost an hour past my original appointment time.

My fill was with a different nurse - not the one I prefer to go to. But to be honest, that preference is really based off of "inside tips" from other people who heavily suggested I not let her do my fills. I, personally, didn't have any problem with her on Saturday, so maybe I won't be so selective in the future unless I start to see things that worry me.

I told her about what I've been eating and how my weight isn't going anywhere. She told me that according to their records, I had lost 8 pounds since my last visit in February. Not sure where they're getting those numbers from, because my records show that I had only lost 2.6 pounds in that time. I weighed in at 245.2 fully clothed on her scale.

We settled on 1.0 cc, which was the maximum I was willing to get. She said that since I'm getting up there (I'm now at 10.4 {probably really 10.5cc) in my 14cc band) I would probably start getting 0.5cc or 0.2cc fills after this one. And that's FINE BY ME. Oh, and if you're Lap Band Gal's friend on FB, you'll remember some recent conversation about a photo she posted of a recent fill where her surgeon didn't wear gloves to administer it. My nurse didn't wear gloves for my fill on Saturday, either. And I can't remember them wearing gloves any other time. Do yours wear them? Are you grossed out/worried that some don't? I'm not, but now wondering if I should be. LOL.

The fill itself was painless - nothing like last time. She found the port in one stick and was in and out in less than a second. Sah-weet!

However, afterward, this fill has been ridiculous. As I've come to discover, for me, my fills are SUPER tight for the first 2-3 days, then they tend to relax. Well, I think I'm getting close to my maximum comfort zone, because the first two days with this fill have been seriously RED ZONE for me. Saturday, I couldn't even keep down water. Sunday, for lunch, I made it through about 5 spoonfulls of chicken noodle soup and then had to stop. Finally, by Sunday night things were relaxing a little bit and I made it through some protein - a cookout at my Dad & Bonus Mom's house where I had about 1/3 of a hot dog, no bun, in TIIIIIIIIINY bites, a couple bites of hamburger patty with ketchup, no bun, and a few bites of baked beans. Other than eventually having to PB up a bunch of slime, the food never came back.

I felt HORRID yesterday. Dehydrated and exhausted from no calories or protein. Obviously, that's not the way you're supposed to feel with the band. That's obviously RED ZONE behavior. And I'm considering going in for a slight unfill if things don't loosen up today or tomorrow. Like I said, I can tell that things are relaxing a bit because I was able to eat some protein yesterday, and I had a protein shake this morning just fine. We'll see how lunch and dinner go today and then I will make a decision.

I kind of feel like you have to find your red zone in order to find the green zone, you know? Like you have to hit a point where you can say, "WHOA. Too much. That's my limit." so that you can then back it up a tiny bit into the green. I'm not saying you should do crazy fill amounts to try to get red, but that hitting the red, while uncomfortable and unpleasant, is actually pretty helpful in terms of gauging where you're at in the process. I think being red during my initial fill phase tells me that once things settle down, I'll be pretty close to green. Of course, if I'm not able to eat any real food at lunch or dinner today, I'll be going back in to take it down a notch. But for now, we'll see how it goes.

There is ONE thing to say about being in the red: it's conducive to weight loss. I weighed in at 239.8 this morning. Obviously not the optimal, sustainable, or healthy way to go about weight loss with the band, but I'm not gonna lie: seeing the 230s this morning was kind of awesome. I'm sure it will bounce back up a bit once I'm able to eat again, but fleetingly, I'll take it.

Mish Mash

Randompants post ahead. You've been warned.

1) The scale is being nice to me right now. Let's hope it sticks around for Wed-nes-day Weigh-In time. I'm pretty sure it's mostly because I've been drinking TONS of ice cold water while at work. Like, TONS. Did you know that drinking very cold things helps you burn more calories? Your body has to work harder to regulate your internal temperature when you do, thus, calorie burn! I don't know exactly how many more calories it burns, but I can totally attest to the temperature regulation thing. I have been FREEZING at work since I've been drinking all this ice water. And like I said, the scale likes me right this very second, so I'm gonna go with it.

2) Easter weekend was weird, but in a good-ish way. For literally the first time EVER, we didn't spend the holiday rushing between families and worried about whose feeling were getting hurt by us not being there. We spent the weekend with just the three of us, doing whatever we wanted to do. It was so nice. We gave The Kid his basket Sunday morning, then enjoyed the breakfast bar at Frisch's Big Boy, then had an in-home egg hunt. Nice and relaxed, and I enjoyed every minute of it.

3) That's a lie. Most of the weekend was nice and relaxed. Except for the part where we decided that since the whole family was home and we had no plans, this would be the weekend we finally broke The Kid of his pacifier ("passer" or "nuk nuk" to him) habit. A long time ago, we restricted his passer use to what we call "night night and naps", so he knew that unless he was sleeping in his crib, he couldn't have them. And I've known for a while that we need to kick the habit completely at some point, but I haven't wanted to do it.

Well, since we put in our 60 day notice to our apartment complex and will be moving in with my in-laws soon, and I knew that every weekend after this would be me and The Kid alone while The Hubs is working on getting the in-laws house ready, and I wanted to have the habit kicked before we moved, this was the time. (Nice run-on sentence, Anna.) So I cut small holes in his nuk nuks and left them out for him to find. He realized they were "broken" and I asked him if he wanted to throw them away. (That kid LOVES throwing things away.) So all was well and good until it was actually time to take a nap or go to bed.

OH the pity. "Mama? A new nuk nuk? Pwwwweeeeeeeeeease?!" It's a good thing we had thrown them all in the trash or I would have totally given in several times this weekend. It has been a challenge, to say the least, but he has taken naps without his passer both days, and fell asleep (after a long bout of crying) both nights. It helps that we gave him Buzz Lightyear and Woody action figures instead. LOL

4) It's Opening Day!!!

Born and raised a Cincinnati girl, today is the second best day of the year. I didn't realize until recently, though, that other cities with major baseball teams don't go crazy for opening day like we do. We love our Redlegs. Did you know that we're the oldest baseball team in America? And did you know that because of that, we ALWAYS get to play at home on opening day? It's a BFD. (Big effing Deal, if you're not down with the language. LOL)

It is really depressing to me to not be a "true" Cincinnatian anymore. Even though it will always be my home town and I will always love that city, I (very unfortunately) keep moving farther and farther north to be with my husband. I'm from Cincinnati, he's from a town north of Dayton, so when we moved in together before we got married, we chose a town in the middle. Now that we're moving in with his parents, I'm going all the way up to his hometown. And for people there, Dayton is the closest "city", so they consider themselves Daytonians. I don't want to be a Daytonian. I am a Cincinnatian. Ugh.

Anyhoo, Go Reds!

Wednesday Weigh In and Meeting A Blogger Crush

This is my 300th blog post! What do I get for that?

Last Week: 244.2 lb
This Week: 246.6 lb
Gain: 2.4 lb

I was doing so well. Bringing my lunch, tracking my carbs, calories and protein. And then the french fries happened. I picked the absolute worst time (10 pm the night before a weigh in) and the worst food (Rally's french fries and a Hi-C - carb city much?) to give in to a craving. And today I'm super bummed about it.

AKA: "The Devil"

But look! I didn't hide from it! I didn't pretend it doesn't exist. It's here. And it will go away.

It's one weigh in. One give-in to a craving in an otherwise great food week (so far.) Meh, whatevs.

In other totally awesome news:

Last night, I got to meet one of my girl crushes - Jenny Lawson, The Bloggess!

Darn you, Books & Co. employee, for not being able to take clear pictures!

If you're not familiar with her blog or her memoir, Let's Pretend This Never Happened, Jenny kind of comes with a warning. She finds humor in very offbeat things. She says things people just don't say. She's wonderfully weird. She cusses. A lot.

In fact, Books & Co. told her she couldn't cuss during her reading and talk, so she decided to replace all of the cuss words with "hippopotamus". She chose to read aloud the third chapter in her book, called "Stanley the Magical Talking Squirrel" (in which her taxidermist father scars she and her little sister for life by making them believe that a roadkill squirrel is alive and speaks to him...seriously, you just have to read the book.) Originally, she was going to read a different chapter, but it had too many hippopotamuses in it, so she chose the "cleanest" chapter, which was still chockablock with hippopotami.

As a side note, one of the things I absolutely LOVE about her book is that she tells these completely outrageous stories - and remember, it's a memoir, so it's supposedly a recollection of her life - and the stories are so ridiculous that you think, "No way. You're making that up. That didn't really happen." And then you turn the page, and there's a picture showing that they really did have a pet raccoon named Rambo that they dressed up in pajamas.

One of the funniest parts of the book signing was when she went on a small side tangent about fellatio and Texas law. And how her friend got her father to pay for a ticket by telling him that fellatio was Spanish for "speeding". Probably a "you had to be there moment", but hilarious nonetheless. 

On a serious note, though, Jenny struggles with mental illness on a daily basis - anxiety disorder, impulse control disorder, and depression are among the illnesses she has dealt with, spoken about, and raised awareness of. She shared some great advice that someone (I can't remember who now, which bothers me) gave her when she was about to have a panic attack over recording her audio book. She sent a frantic email to this person (ugh, who was it?!) and they sent back one sentence that changed her life:

"Pretend you're good at it."

Now, Jenny uses that advice when she's near a panic attack, an agoraphobic woman faced with standing up in front of hundreds of people on her book tour. It was totally a takeaway for me, applicable in so many areas of my life. I'm going to try to remember it from now on - whatever may come my way, whatever paralyzes me with fear, whatever I think there's just no way I can accomplish - I'm gonna just pretend I'm good at it and see where it takes me. 

It was a great night. I'm glad I went. 

And you should totally read that book. 

NSV and Being a Preppy

Happy Monday morning to you!

Hope you all had a great weekend. Mine was spent sans husband and child (lovely!) running errands, cleaning house, and working on school stuff. The school situation still looks bleak, but I'm trying to stay get positive about it.

No matter how dreary and depressing the school situation might be, I've got an NSV to tell you about that definitely put me in a good mood!

MFN (My Friend Natalie, the lovely lady who did the Shamrock Shuffle with me) has a birthday two days after mine. We were even born the same year (1982 represent!), so I'm officially two days older than her. So naturally, having a BFF whose birthday is so close, we usually celebrate together - usually by NOT running 5ks - and get each other small gifts.

MFN is going to school right now, so she works two part time jobs. One of those jobs is at The Loft outlet. And I can honestly tell you that I've never set foot in The Loft in all my life. Because I have always known that it was futile. Nothing there is going to fit me, so why put myself through the drama? But at our post-what-we-thought-was-a-5k-but-later-found-out-was-a-4.5k breakfast, Miss Natalie handed me a shopping bag from the store.

I thought she was just re-using a bag and never expected the gifts inside to actually be from The Loft. But they were. Two super cute shirts. And Natalie is super supportive of the whole Lap Band thing, while also being the friendly kind of realistic, so she told me that the shirts were something to work toward. I had no expectations of being able to fit into something from a "regular" store in a "regular" size, so I thanked her for the motivation and went about my day.

But yesterday, I was trying on a bunch of other clothes that I already owned, and figured I'd give it a "what the hell". Do you see what I see?

Blurry pic, and I'm looking slightly zombie-ish around the eyes. Makeup, Anna! 

Your eyes are not deceiving you.

HO-LY HELL. This is seriously mind blowing to me. I cannot believe that shirt actually fits ME. Now, the universe making sure I don't get too cocky about anything, made sure that the other XL shirt MFN gave me was a completely different story not fit for public consumption. But this shirt. It fits. A size XL from a regularly-sized-people-shop-here store. NUTSO.

In other news, and on the topic of being a preppy:

Remember my recent post about being lazy? A lot of you had great suggestions about preparation being key to actually getting shit done. So I took advantage of a recent grocery shopping trip and the fact that The Hubs and The Kid were gone, and got my prep on.

Thanks, LoganMan, for donating your snack cups to the cause. 

I bought some lunch meat and portioned it out into 3 ounce portions. I used chicken and turkey. I also bought a quarter watermelon and sliced it up into chunks. Wow, that was a juicy job, let me tell you! Easy enough, but definitely messy. It then got packaged into containers of about 4 ounces each. Then I packed two tablespoons-ish of my current obsession, Dean's French Onion Dip, into small containers to go with pretzels that I keep in a drawer at my desk. Combine these with an EAS protein shake for breakfast and some yogurt for a snack, and I am ready to go! 

Lookie here, all organized and shit. 

And then, I took it all one step further, and pre-bagged each day's lunch. I packed for four days of lunches, figuring I'll give myself Friday as a day to eat out as a treat.

Middle row, pretty Kroger bags all ready to go! 

Oh, and if you're wondering what those brown things are sticking out of the beer bottles at the top left, The BFF made The Hubs Beer Reindeer for Christmas. Those are pipe cleaner antlers. LMAO. 

Anyway, it felt great to be so prepared and ready to go. It was awesome this morning to just be able to pick up a bag and walk out the door. The only downside is that all that prep came at a cost to my school work - I had to choose which thing I wanted to spend time on, and prepping and packing four days of lunches (including cutting up a watermelon and peeling/slicing four baby cucumbers for The Kid) isn't really a quick process. I'm happy to have done it, though. Can't wait for lunch today! 

Wednesday Weigh-In

Last Week: 247.8 lb
This Week: 246.2 lb
Loss: 1.6 lb

Loving that loss! I think I'm close to "sweet spot" territory with Tim Gunn. I'm not getting stuck if I follow the rules, and I'm eating very small amounts of food at meals. I think the most I've eaten at once lately has been one slice of thin crust large pizza, or one good-sized bowl of cereal, which was way more than one cup. But cereal is such a slider food that I could probably just sit down for an hour and continually eat it and never feel full.

But for the most part, I'm eating very small amounts and feeling satisfied. Last night I had one and a half small chicken tenderloins (marinated and cooked in the crock pot), a couple of spoons of creamed corn, and a couple rolls with butter. After the past couple of fills, I haven't been eating much bread because it just doesn't sound good. (Who the hell am I anymore?!) But last night, the hubby made some brown and serve rolls and I just couldn't resist. They were SO good, and I chewed the hell out of them and didn't get stuck. And I don't regret them one tiny little bit.

The numbers part of this whole process is such a mind game, and it's driving me crazy! On one hand, I feel awesome that I'm losing weight, and I love waking up and seeing that I'm in the 240's, which just seemed so unattainable a year ago. But on the other hand, when I sit down and actually think about the numbers, I'm totally bummed that I've only lost 11 pounds since surgery - 15 weeks ago! I like to focus on the "big" number, which is when I look at how much I've lost from my HNPR weight of 281.0, because telling myself I've lost 34.8 pounds makes me feel awesome. But when I think about it in terms of what I've done since the surgery, I feel like I haven't really accomplished anything. It equates to something like .73 lb per week, which just doesn't impress me one bit.

And the other mental block I'm having? I keep transposing the numbers in my head and thinking I weigh 264.2 instead of 246.2. Obviously, it's because my mind accepts 264 as a more plausible weight than 246. And I keep having to remind myself that it's the other way around. The four comes first, dummy! This whole thing is so much more mental than physical! My brain totally needs to catch up!

Bad Pictures of a Recent Project

But before we get to that -

I have a slight obsession with these:

And I will usually have two or three (five is 200 calories, so 40 calories each) after lunch at work. And y'all know that Dove is famous for their little affirmations or sayings that are printed on the inside of the wrapper. You know, they usually say things that aim at getting you to slow down and indulge in a "moment" or whatever.

However, I have noticed two recently that really kind of irk me. One that says "Chocolate Loves Unconditionally", and this one that I just unwrapped today:

Really, the "Chocolate Loves Unconditionally" one is the one I have a major problem with. I could totally be a Debbie Downer who thinks too much about this stuff, but when obesity is such a problem in this country, and when eating disorders so often center around emotional needs, it seems so irresponsible for a chocolate company to feed into that with these "comforting" messages of love by chocolate. Chocolate does NOT love unconditionally. Chocolate doesn't love at all. And an overweight person who is dealing with their emotions by way of comfort food is probably going to read that and go, 'Aww....chocolate loves me. I should eat more of it because it makes me feel good!" While they're not addressing their emotional issues at all.

I don't know. It just bugs me.

But on to my project that has been taking up all my time for the past couple of months. My friend Tonja is pregnant with her second baby (another girl!) and The BFF threw her a shower this weekend. I decided a couple months ago, because I apparently didn't learn my Christmas Dish Cloths lesson and I'm an idiot who is a glutton for punishment, that I would crochet her a baby blanket.

Unlike dish cloths, I was not up until 3 am the morning of the shower working on the blanket, amazingly enough. I finished it at 11:30 pm the night before, thankyouverymuch. I wanted to make a ripple/chevron afghan, so I scoured the interwebs to find a simple pattern, and totally scored with an amazing Youtube tutorial for a pattern called "Lazy Waves". If you're a crocheter, the whole thing is nothing but Double Crochet (DC) and Double Crochet Together (DCTog or DC Decrease) stitches. SUPER simple, even I could do it!

Anyway, as I began working on it, I slowly started falling in love with it, even though it was a huge PITA (Pain In The Ass). Even though it was simple, I was using very fine/soft baby yarn, so the stitches were super small and slippery. One row, at the beginning, took me more than 30 minutes to do. There are 82 rows in this blanket. So even when I got a little faster, and each row was taking me about 20 minutes, you're looking at at least 1,640 minutes of work on this afghan. Not to mention all the weaving in of ends I had to do after changing between colors. And if you're curious, like I was, 1,640 minutes is more than 27 hours. Tonja's lucky I like her.

So by the time I was finished and had invested 27 hours of my sweat and tears into this thing, I was kind of sad to see it go. Before I wrapped it up, I took a bunch of pictures of it. But the lighting in my apartment is horrible, so they don't really show how pretty it really was. If you're interested, I used Bernat BabySoft and Softees yarn for this project. I used one whole large skein of hot pink and less than one large skein each of the Burl Gray and White. The final size was probably 2.5 feet by 4 feet-ish. I forgot to measure.

Without any further ado, the bad pictures:

It was a huge hit! Tonja loved it, and the little girls at the shower all wanted to be wrapped up in it at once. It was so worth all the time I put into it, and I hope her baby girl enjoys it! 

For now, though, I have to force myself to not start any more crochet projects because I have so much else going on. And I know that if I did start one, I would totally use it to procrastinate from doing any of the things I really need to be doing...*cough*SCHOOL*cough*. 

What about you guys? What is your go-to procrastination method? Crafts? Books? Hiding under the covers and pretending everything outside the bed doesn't exist? Tell me! 

New Food Find

Strapped for cash and time yesterday, I ran to Kroger to find something for lunch. And maybe these little babies have been out for years, but I just discovered them yesterday, and I'm in love.

Lunchables Snack Duos - and before we go any further, nope. This isn't a sponsored post. I just ran into these and wanted to share.

Anyhoo...they come in packs of two, but I had already ripped into one in the above picture, and at my Kroger, the two pack was $1.99 on sale. I believe the tag said $2.49 regularly priced.

What I love:

• Small portion. Perfect for a quick lunch.
• Small pieces. No dicing required, and less risk taking too big bites. 
• Assembly required. My favorite thing about Lunchable-type meals. Makes a little food take a long time, so you feel like you're eating more. 
• 150 calories and 8 grams of protein. 

What I don't love:

• Processed, processed, processed. Ham with water and "smoke flavor" added, "Pasteurized Prepared Cheese Product". Blech. (But boy do all those chemicals taste good...)
• Ran out of mini Ritz crackers well before I ran out of meat or cheese. Come on, guys! 

All in all, I know that there are healthier, more natural options available, but for quick, convenient, and low-cal, this will do. I also bought the turkey and  mozzarella variety, but have yet to give it a try. 

What have you guys found as a great quick meal/snack option? Share, please! 

Wednesday Weigh-In and an Embarrassing Story

Two Weeks Ago: 249.6 lb (I forgot to weigh in last week, oops!)
This Week: 247.8 lb
Loss: 1.8 lb

Inching closer and closer to new territory! Can't wait to get around 245 and start hitting new weight loss ground. My total loss now from my highest weight is 33.2 pounds down, and I'm exactly 16 pounds down from my pre-op diet weight. Wooty doo! It's been a slow, but sure, process.

And I know you really clicked on the link to hear my embarrassing story, didn't you? Don't lie...

So, I'm adjusting to my recent fill, plus it's TOM, and I think that's all adding up to me being REALLY tight. I've been getting stuck a lot and PBed a couple times since Saturday. This morning, I was heading to one of our stores to do some training, and stopped at a drive thru to get some breakfast. I made sure to park and eat so I wasn't rushed. I took small bites. I chew, chew, chewed. And I thought I was okay. A little uncomfortable in the chest, but I thought I was going to be fine. Plus, I needed to get on the road since I was about 30 miles away from the store.

I got on the highway and all of a sudden, the pressure in my chest started to get worse. And worse. And worse. And of course, I was on a stretch without any exits or rest areas. And this whole time, I'm thinking, "Please don't throw up. Please don't throw up. Please just go down. OH MY GOD, GO DOWN!!!"

All of a sudden, I knew that there was no alternative. I was just going to have to stop on the side of a VERY busy, VERY major highway, and get out. Even if I just walked around, maybe that would help a little bit. So I pulled over, put my flashers on, and got out. No sooner had I gotten to the grass, when up it all came. Slime and all. In plain view of many, many passing cars and semis.

Oh how I wish I had someone there to hold my hair and keep it from flying back in my face as I PBed. And also, puking into the wind = not fun. Just so you know. I don't recommend it.

And of course, after all was said and done, I had no choice but to get back into my car, get to the store, and train a bunch of new associates like nothing had happened.

This morning was a bad morning. Bad, bad morning.

What Goes Down...

...must come up.

Or, alternatively titled: "A Sucker Punch from Tim Gunn: No Longer a PB Virgin"

So.

Sooooooooo.

Yeah.

If you haven't guessed by now, I PBed at lunch today.

Nope. Not this. 

For those of you who read my blog who aren't banded - allow me to present to you a crash course in Bandster Vocabulary 101:

Stuck: When you eat the wrong types of food and/or eat too fast and/or take too big of bites and/or don't chew thoroughly enough, food literally gets stuck in the small banded space in your stomach and can't/wont go through. For me, this feels like some serious pressure in my chest, bubbling up into my esophagus and throat. It makes it difficult for me to breathe and talk. Being stuck leads to "sliming".

Sliming: After getting food significantly stuck in your band, your body automatically starts creating copious amounts of saliva in order to aid the process of making the food move in one of two directions. For me, this process also contributes to making it difficult to talk, as saliva starts collecting and I feel the need to spit or swallow. (Yes, I can hear all the twelve-year-old boys snickering.) Stuck + Sliming can lead to the dreaded PB.

PB: Stands for "Productive Burp" and is the technical term for when you throw up food that has entered your pouch and/or gotten stuck in your band. Technically, a PB is not actually throwing up, because the food never makes it into your real stomach to get digested. A technicality that I didn't really understand until today.
_____

There's no getting around it. It was totally my fault. The trifecta of eating the wrong kinds of foods (hot dog/hot dog bun/shredded cheese), eating too quickly (I wanted to get to a crochet project that I've been slaving away at), and not chewing thoroughly enough (see "eating too quickly".)

Since my 2nd fill, I've probably gotten truly stuck about four times. And when I do, it's because of all of the above reasons. Fortunately, I had been able to "work it out" each of those previous times, and the food went down instead of coming back up. Not today, my friends.

I will spare you the gory details except to say that apparently it was the shredded cheese that did me in. Because that's what came back up, still looking remarkably like shredded cheese. (Gross, I know.) I think I was just eating it too fast and not chewing it up well enough, so it kind of just compacted and congealed into a big ol' ball that made my band it's home. O.U.C.H.

A couple of days ago, I was finally able to get a fill scheduled for this Saturday. And I know that when I go there and answer my little questionnaire, I'm going to have to tell them that I've gotten stuck four times and PBed once. On paper, that doesn't exactly look like I need a fill, but the thing is, I know I need one. I know I'm not in the green zone. I think I'm close, but I'm still able to eat way too much when I'm doing things the right way. I'm hoping I'll be able to explain all that to Kim on Saturday, too.

It's just so much harder to do the whole "mindful eating" thing than I think I was expecting it to be. It requires true diligence and focus. It's frustrating to know that being stuck and PBing can generally be prevented and that I do it to myself. I really need to remember that more often, because I don't really want to do this whole PBing thing again. It was totally no fun.

That Tim Gunn really knows how to sock it to a girl!

Wahoo!

So the back's still screwy, which is no fun at all. But, I did get to the work fitness center both yesterday AND today! (Cue gasp!)

Yesterday, I forced myself to do the whole 3.1 miles, since it has been over three years since I moved that distance.

Wow. It was HARD.

Seven weeks to birthday 5k. Ain't nobody got time for clear pictures!

Ignore the sad time. 

I walked the VAST majority of that, and ran a teenytiny bit. I did it, but I felt like total crap afterward. Like, seriously, chills and shakes and falling asleep at my desk. So, methinks I may have over done it a bit. Blah.

Today, though, I went in and just walked at (what is to me) a brisk pace - 3.3 speed for most of the time. And I stopped after 1/2 an hour. I got more than half a 5k done in that time, and I felt GREAT afterward! Energized and happy, and excited. Not like I wanted to die a slow, painful death at my desk.

I have every intention of working up to the full 3.1 miles again, because I know that only doing half 5ks won't help me at all when it comes time for the Shamrock Shuffle. But I loved the feeling I had today after my workout. I'm going to stick with the brisk walk, half 5ks for this week and then see how I feel next week. At the very least, it's movement.

I've been doing pretty well on food, too. Not really feeling the restriction as much anymore, but I'm trying to focus on eating less carbs and watching my night time snacking. Hoping it will show at tomorrow's weigh in!

How YOU Doin'?

We're almost two full weeks into 2013 now, so I figured it's a good time to check up on my 2013 Commitments. If you'll remember, I came up with a list of six "commitments" (not "resolutions", patooey!) in this post. Here's how they're shaping up so far:

1. Fills every two weeks until "sweet spot": Even though I've had a couple stuck episodes since my last fill, I still don't think I'm where I need to be. I can still eat MUCH more than I'm comfortable with, and the weight has been just kind of hovering since then. I do think I need another fill, and I would totally go in this Saturday, but they're booked up. Boo! I can't go during the week because I have no vacation/sick time until the end of April, and they don't have late hours. And now they're telling me they're not open every weekend anymore, but only "certain" weekends during the month. So I have to get with them and find the next available weekend that I can go in for a fill. Blargh. 
2. Bringing my lunch to work: I'm actually doing pretty well with this. I brought a couple times the first week, twice last week, and I packed today. With Commitments number 4 and 5, I am going to have to bring my lunch more because I won't have time to actually take a lunch at work. More on this below. 
3. At least one 5k: In progress! I signed up for the Shamrock Shuffle on March 9th (my 31st birthday, by the way. Gifts accepted.) Knowing that a 5k is paid for and looming over my head means that I actually need to prepare for it a little bit so that I'm not COMPLETELY miserable the whole time. See below. 
4. Moving more/acknowledging work fitness center: See above. I've had a slight hiccup on this one, since I seem to have shaken my booty a tad too hard on Just Dance 4, and found my way into a herniated disk flare-up. I am noticing that the flare up isn't as bad as it had been when I was 30 pounds heavier, but it's still no fun. So I'm babying things for now, but The Hubs and I did take Bubbers on a 30 minute walk over the weekend, and I brought clothes/shoes/etc. to get some treadmill time in at the fitness center today in preparation for my upcoming birthday 5k. Lookie there, all prepared and shit. 
5. Following the bandster rules: My fill has really forced me to comply with several of the rules - eating slowly, taking small bites, and chew chew chewing. I find that I'm sure to get stuck if I bite into something rather than cut it up and use a fork to eat it. I guess I just can't gauge a "small" bite by actually biting into it. I'm still having difficulties with no drinking while eating. One, because I hate the gross feeling of food in my mouth, and two, because I'm trying really hard to get water in, and find it difficult to do if I have to "lose" a few hours of prime drinking time because of eating. It's all new to me and I'm still working it all out. 
6. Focusing more on school: Excuse me while I hide in a corner. I have until the end of March before this term is over and I haven't. accomplished. anything. GAH! I'm stuck in this math class and I can't get past it. And it just makes me frustrated so that I don't even want to acknowledge its existence. But I have to get my butt in gear if I ever want to move forward and away from my current job. Blargh.  

All in all, I think I'm doing pretty well for two weeks in. This week starts my 5k prep, and even though my back is one unhappy little camper, I'm still going to try to get in there and get a t5k (treadmill 5k) done 3-4 days this week. I guess we'll see how it goes today, but I'm hoping it will actually HELP my back instead of hurt it more. 

Did you make any commitments or resolutions? If so, have you checked your progress? How is it going? 

TTT

Thanks, Laura Belle, for the wonderful-ness that is Ten Things Thursday. Wherein I get to take the lazy way out and still feel like a good blogger.

 1) Work is nutso. Part of my hodge podge of a job description involves recording training videos. I spent the last two full days recording. And I mean, literally, videotaping seminars from 8 am to 5:30 pm. It is exhausting and no fun.

 2) Speaking of work, I got "spoken to" today about the fact that I come in between 5 to 20 minutes late every day. Bummer.

 3) My work to do list is re-donk. Just shoot me now.

 4) No stuck episodes since Tuesday's lunch! Huzzah! And thanks for the comments on the last post. I am in agreement with y'all. No unfill for this lady. Just a whole bunch of slow down and small bites for me! Seems to be working now.

 5) My spaz of a 2-year-old has decided that any time between 3:45 and 6:30 am is a great time for a crib party. Seriously. All week long, he has woken up between these hours and has a grand old time carrying on a conversation with himself. It wouldn't be such a big deal if his head and my head weren't separated by about 4 inches of paper-thin wall.

 6) I have an official goal to weigh in at 231 by my March 9th birthday. It's a slightly crazy goal that would require me losing more than two pounds a week, but I really think that with my new-found restriction and upping the exercise ante (which I haven't done yet, oops!) I might be able to do it. Or at least get super close. If you will recall, my highest NPR (non-pregnant recorded) weight was 281, in March of last year. If, by my birthday, I get to 231, it will be 50 pounds down in a year. Which would be total awesomesauce, if you ask me.

 7) I had to change the comment settings for my blog because I am getting SO MANY spam comments! It is so frustrating! Hopefully, the change that I made (allowing only registered users to comment) will stop the stupid spammers, but not be as frustrating to y'all as if I had turned on word verification. I really HATE word verification, and it's the last option for me as far as this goes. So let me know if you have issues commenting, please!

 8) The Hubs and I are going to see "Shrek: The Musical" on the 18th. I'm super excited for this because {1} It's Shrek! and {2} The Hubs actually agreed to go to the theater with me, which is like a "hell froze over" kind of event!

 9) I know I've said this recently, but the whole learning how to follow bandster rules thing? It's hard. But I'm kind of glad that I had two stuck episodes, because I'm so much more careful now about chewing and small bites-ing since I know that pain. And me no-likey the pain.

10) Biggest news of all: I done gone and did it. I signed up for my first 5k of 2013!!! On my birthday, no less! So even though it will definitely be cold, and there's the possibility that there will be snow - believe me, we've had blizzards on my birthday weekend in March before - I will be at the Shamrock Shuffle, shufflin' my 5k worth of buns off. And it's already paid for and everything. So I have to do it now! I've got about 8 weeks to get my butt in gear, so we definitely need to come up with a plan up in here. But I'm super excited to get back into running, and to have a goal to work toward. Woo! 

Goal Oriented and other things.

Hello all!

This past weekend was fun - we had our first Christmas party of the season on Saturday. Fun (and dish cloths) was/were had by all. Sunday was our second Christmas party, wherein Logan met Santa for the first time since he could actually acknowledge who he is. He was enthralled by the man in the big red suit! Lots of fun.

I can definitely tell a difference since having my fill on Friday. I don't think that I'm where I need to be, but things are moving in the right direction. I am learning first-hand about how fickle Tim Gunn is, though. At times, I feel full on practically nothing, and at other times, I could (theoretically, of course, because there's no way that this actually happened, *ahem*) eat two whole hot dogs with buns and a couple cookies, and still feel like going back for more. It's a balancing act, and it will take a while to get everything there, I know.

I was thinking earlier today about my goals with this whole weight loss thingy. I really didn't have a set weight goal in mind when I started out. That's mostly because I have steadily gained weight every year of my existence, and it feels impossible for me to say, "Oh, yeah, I'll look and feel great at XXX number." How the heck do I know? I've never been one of those people who dieted and lost a huge amount and was really happy there, but then gained it all back. My yo-yo doesn't yo, yo. So it was really difficult for me to just pick a number out of thin air as a real goal. I mean, I have all these little obvious goals in my head, like, to get to Onederland, and such, but a something-to-strive-to number was rough.

I have since ended up sitting on 175 as a strive-to goal. It's a nice, pretty number, and it's well under 200. We'll see how it feels when we get there, I guess.

I also have a bunch of teeny tiny little mini goals coming up soon (hopefully). The first one I'll hit is at 253.8, which will be 10 pounds down from the start of my pre-op diet. Then 251.0 will be 30 pounds down for the year. Then 249 will be a victory that I can't wait to write a post about, but am keeping it a secret for now. And finally, 246.3 will be the start of all brand new territory for me, as earlier in my weight loss blogging journey, I hit 246.4, and that's as low as she goes went.

I think focusing on these little mini goals that are soclose will hopefully help me stay motivated and feel less bogged down by the impossible-ness that 81.4 pounds to "goal" sounds like. Bit by bit, we'll get there.

What about you? Any mini goals coming up? Or do you stay laser focused on the "big one"?

Meet Tim Gunn...

Hey everyone! I made it through surgery, and have been resting at home for the past two days.

My weight on surgery day was 257.2, which was a loss of 6.6 pounds during my pre-op diet. Over all, I was down 12.8 pounds from my initial consultation weight on September 27th.

Here are some "official" pre-op photos. Nevermind the bathroom - we live in a tiny apartment that gets NO good natural light, so it was our only choice for the photo shoot.

Surgery day was quite an experience. I was scheduled for surgery at 1:00 pm, and we arrived at the hospital at 11 am just like they told us to. We waited in the lobby for about half an hour and then a nurse called me back . She gave me an awesome astronaut suit to put on - seriously, this was the coolest hospital gown I've ever seen. When I sat down, she hooked up a hose to it which blew in heated air to keep me warm.

Then she asked me a zillion questions and got down to business. She gave me a shot in my leg of something to help with anti-coagulation so I didn't develop blood clots, she gave me an anti-nausea pill, and placed an anti-nausea patch on my neck. She also checked my blood sugar, temperature, heart rate and blood pressure, and then attempted my IV. She tried in the back of my left hand first, but was unsuccessful, so she ended up having to do the IV on the inside of my left arm. O.U.C.H.

She was all done with me and the anesthesiologist came in to ask me a million more questions, and by this time it was 12:45. The nurse came back in and told me that my doctor was still performing an operation at the adjacent hospital and would probably be an hour late. Gee, just what I wanted to hear - let me sit here in my astronaut suit with an uncomfortable IV in my arm and just hang. Fun times!

Around 1:45, the nurse anesthetist came in and went through her whole schpeal, so I figured things were about to get moving. The last thing she said to me, though, was that the doctor still had another operation he needed to perform at the adjacent hospital and that it would probably be yet another hour. I was so not a happy camper at this point. I hadn't eaten or drank anything since the night before, and I didn't get a very good night's sleep because I stayed up until 2 am watching the presidential concession and acceptance speeches.

Anna was not happy.

Finally, at 2:56 pm (I remember looking at the computer to see what time it was) my surgeon came in and asked me if I was tired of waiting, to which I replied, "Um, yeah!" In hindsight, it probably would have been more prudent for me to be nicer to the guy who was about to cut me open and gut me, but I was grumpy and he was 2 hours late.

The good news was that once he got there, things moved fast as lightning. I walked myself back to the OR, laid down on the table and had like 5 or 6 different nurses doing stuff to me from every angle. I felt like I was in the Wash 'n Brush Up Company in the Merry Old Land of Oz! Within minutes, they had my arms out, my legs in the massage-y wrap-y thingies, and the anesthetist was saying, "Ok, here we go. Everything's going to be fine..." and I was out.

I woke up in recovery with a wonderful nurse named Martha, whom I remember having a whole conversation with regarding the fact that Logan loves to watch Martha Speaks. Human Martha had never heard of the show, so I had to explain to her that it was a cartoon dog who ate alphabet soup and could now talk. Human Martha wasn't too keen on my comparing her to a dog, but we got through that little bump in the road. I also remember some sort of conversation about Martha not wanting to see me naked, although I can't quite piece together how that came up or why. Must have had something to do with my awesome astronaut gown, though.

She wheeled me back to another recovery room where The Hubs was waiting, and I got some apple juice and put my clothes on, and headed home. We left the hospital at 5:45 pm.

I did not see the doctor after surgery, but The Hubs told me that he said everything went fine, and that they fixed my hiatal hernia, which was "larger than usual". Glad that's taken care of, but I was very surprised to see that it required an additional incision. For some reason, I thought he would be able to do that while he was already in there, but nope.

If you're squeamish, look away, because I'm about to show you a picture of my cottage cheese-y stomach and all five incisions...

Obviously, the one up top is the hiatal hernia fix, the one second from the left is my port, and the others are the instrument incisions. Right now, the only one that hurts is the port, and I can't feel the others at all. I have been taking my liquid narcotics just about every 4 hours, though, so that might be helping.

As far as food goes, I've been eating very little. I have felt hungry, though, which is surprising since so many people say you won't even want to think about eating after the surgery. I'm sticking to the all liquid diet, eating tomato soup, applesauce, pudding, and baby food. (The fruit baby foods are surprisingly not that bad!)

Oh, and the post title? You know how it's kind of a tradition in band land to name your band? I decided weeks ago that mine would be called Tim Gunn. One, because he's an awesome gay guy, and I love me some gay guys, and two, because his signature slogan is "Make it work!", and that's what I fully intend on doing with the help of this little guy!

I'm totally gonna make it work!

Thanks to you all for your thoughts and well wishes! I'm so excited to be on the band wagon! :)

Weighty Matters...

1. Blood work
2. Fitness Consultation
3. Nutrition Consultation
4. Sign Pre-op Paperwork
5. EKG
6. Start pre-op diet (10/24)
7. Pay in full (10/24)
8. Pre-op physical (10/26)
9. Stop taking all medications (11/1)
10. Start Hibiclens (11/4)
11. Pick up post-op meds (11/5)
12. SURGERY DAY (11/7)
13. Post-op Follow-Up (11/14)
14. First Fill (12/7)

Slowly crossing things off up there. I had my pre-op (read: pointless) physical this morning with my regular doctor. She asked me all the normal questions about my diabetes numbers and my back flare-ups and general health and then she gave me the go-ahead. 

Two awesome things from this appointment, though - 

(1) My blood pressure was AWESOME. Like, awesomer than awesome, for me. 116/74, which is the lowest reading I've ever gotten. I've never been diagnosed as hypertensive, except for when I was pregnant, but my numbers have always fallen in the "pre-hypertensive" range. 116/74 is sitting pretty in the "normal" range, which is totally deserving of a "woot!"

(2) Not so awesome was that I found out my highest weight was actually higher than I thought it was. I had thought my highest weight ever (non-pregnant, of course) was 278, but it turns out that they have my recorded weight back in March at 281. The good news is that when I weighed in today (in jeans, mind you), I weighed 261! Twenty pounds down! Also totally deserving of a "woot!"

As happy as I am with that 20 pounds, it doesn't for one split second make me think that I don't need the surgery to help me lose the rest (and keep it off). I had some help with these 20 pounds that isn't always going to be there. 

First, about 3 months ago, I had my IUD removed. I instantly - and by instantly, I mean, within about a week - lost about 8 pounds from that and have kept it off. LURVE being back on the pill again, and as a bonus, thanks to Mr. Obama, my birth control is free every single month. Whether you like him or not, ya gotta love free medicine! 

Secondly, my primary doctor put me on a diabetes medication called Bydureon around the same time. It is a once weekly injection in the belly, which sucks, but it's nowhere near as bad as the 2-3 times daily insulin injections I was having to do while pregnant. Bydureon helps with all the diabetes related stuff, of course, but has the added bonus of appetite suppression. There have been days where I couldn't eat more than a couple bites at each meal without feeling completely stuffed to the brim. 

The downside to Bydureon is that (1) it's an injection, which is no fun, and (2) unlike my birth control, it is NOWHERE NEAR free. Each injection would cost me more than $100, which is more than $400 per month, out of pocket because of my employer's crappy insurance. 

Luckily, my doctor is awesome and has been giving me samples of the Bydureon for a while so that I don't have to spend the money. Really, if she hadn't been giving me the samples, it wouldn't even be an option because of the cost, so I'm super grateful for her/that. 

And the third thing helping with my weight loss right now is this stupid, horrible, no good, very bad pre-op diet. (Can you tell I'm loving it?!) I made it through the day at work on Wednesday just fine, but had a breakdown that night. No matter how prepared you think you are, you're never going to understand how few 800 calories is, and how limited your food choices are, until you get there. 

I have slightly modified the diet by adding in 2 oz. of lunch meat, which meets all the diet criteria of low cal/low carb/high protein, and as long as I'm staying under 800 calories per day (which I have!), I think I'm doing just fine. According to my home scale, I've lost more than 4 pounds since Wednesday morning. 

My official weight at the surgery center was 270.0, and they want you to lose 10 pounds before surgery, so technically, I'm already there. Not that I'm not going to do the diet, but it's good to know that I don't have to stress about meeting the requirement so they'll approve my surgery. 

So now, it looks like I'm clear on THE LIST until 11/1 when I have to stop all my meds. All of the big requirements have been met, and the surgery is officially paid for (eek!), so now all I have to do is finish out this diet, wash up with the Hibiclens for 3 days, and wait. 

It's getting real up in here, folks. Who's excited?!

Prelude

Dictionary.com defines prelude as "a preliminary to an action, event, condition, or work of broader scope and higher importance." I think that's pretty fitting here. 

So this is it - Day One of my pre-op diet. Eek!

I had a tiny OH SHIT moment yesterday when I was heading out to lunch and realized that it was my last "old" lunch. I had Olive Garden, which is kind of symbolic of the life I used to lead that got me here. Then last night, we had Applebee's. Not as a "last meal", because it's not even an absolute favorite of mine, but I did enjoy a variety of nutritionally void foods.

Since I hadn't seen my adorable kiddo for a few days, I was jonesing for some fun time with him, so we worked on our Halloween pumpkins for a bit before bedtime. I bought three Mr. Potato Head pumpkin kits for us this year because I figured they were more age appropriate for Bubs than carving. Plus, WAY less mess. Score!

Can I just tell you how ridiculously fluttery my ovaries get when I see my husband do things like this:

Men with tools. Serious concentration. 

After we got Bubs to bed, I went to work on a plan of attack for my pre-op diet. I knew I had a hodge podge of protein shakes and mixes hanging out, so I went about organizing them.

Being unsure = Shopping spree

Then today, I made a spreadsheet to try and keep everything making sense.

Hi, my name's Anna, and I'm a spreadsheetaholic.

I packed a bag full of everything I would need today: 

• Crystal Light Energy mix in Wild Strawberry
• GNC Total Lean RTD shake in Vanilla Bean
• EAS AdvantEdge RTD shake in Chocolate Fudge
• Sugar Free Jell-o in Strawberry
• Kroger Brand "Vitamin Water" in Tropical Splash

I wish I would have thought ahead and sliced some mini cucumbers to bring as a snack. I didn't think about how much I would want to actually chew something. Womp womp. But, as Scarlet O'Hara says, tomorrow is another day, and I will think to pack cucumbers then. 

Well, Scarlet didn't say that last part, but if I remember correctly, she did have a thing for radishes. Wait, was it radishes or turnips? I don't know, and I'm too lazy to ask Mr. Google, so argue amongst yourselves on that one, and somebody let me know what the consensus is.  

Anyhoo...

I couldn't sleep last night for thinking about today. But I'm doing okay so far. I have spreadsheeted all I can spreadsheet, including a form to keep track of my intake, which was really nothing more than a gratuitous attempt to feed my Sharpie addiction:

Any excuse to feed my spreadsheet/Sharpie addiction...

But I think it will actually be handy to have. And so far, my coworkers are playing along nicely by not cooking anything yummy smelling in the microwave. Although, in about half an hour, I will be accompanying a colleague to lunch. She is literally the only work-related person who knows about my surgery. (She does contract work for my company and we work closely together. She isn't an actual employee of my company, and doesn't actually work in my office every day.)  Luckily, she is bringing her lunch, so it's not like we'll she'll be eating at a yummy restaurant and completely torturing me. 

I have a feeling this whole process is going to be mind over matter. I don't really FEEL hungry, but it's just what you do around lunchtime, you know? Plus, I usually need that hour away from my desk in order to refresh for the afternoon and not totally want to kill myself by 2 pm. Do I drink my second protein shake while I'm with her just so I have something to do with my hands? That's probably not the smart answer. Maybe I'll take a flavored water with me. 

So here's where we stand on THE LIST:

1. Blood work
2. Fitness Consultation
3. Nutrition Consultation
4. Sign Pre-op Paperwork
5. EKG
6. Start pre-op diet (10/24)
7. Pay in full (10/24)
8. Pre-op physical (10/26)
9. Stop taking all medications (11/1)
10. Start Hibiclens (11/4)
11. Pick up post-op meds (11/5)
12. SURGERY DAY (11/7)
13. Post-op Follow-Up (11/14)
14. First Fill (12/7)

Oh yeah...number seven. Ho-ly Jeebus. After The Hubs gets off work this afternoon, he's driving over to the surgeon's office and handing over $9, 550. We are financing $8,000 through Care Credit, and handing over $1,550 in cold, hard cashola. (Well, "debit cardola" doesn't quite roll of the tongue.)

After that, it's officially official and there's no turning back. Not that I want to, of course, but I'm still slightly wigged out about the big dealiness of all this. It's just how I roll with change and new things. Maybe getting it paid for will help me kind of just give in to it all. Accept my fate. LOL

Oh, and some stats: At my first visit to the surgeon's office (9/27) I weighed 270.0. This morning, I weighed in at 263.8. 

And, randomly and sadly, I got an email that my surgery time has been changed from 10 am to 1 pm. BLARGH. No food or water from midnight on. Tons of fun, but oh well. 

So this is where we stand. I've had a protein shake and a sugar free jell-o so far. I've got 615 calories to go for the day, and 13.5 days to go, so let's get to it. 

Hey, there are worse songs to get stuck in your head...

Awesome Anniversary

A wee bit o' background for ya - October 21/22, 2006: The Hubs and I had been dating for less than 4 months and decided to take an impromptu day trip to Bowling Green, Kentucky to tour the Corvette manufacturing plant.

Ah, six years younger and 50 pounds skinnier...

Since we were already half-way to Gatlinburg, Tennessee, we decided on a whim to just head down for the night and come back the next evening. We had very little money, no hotel reservations, and the time of our lives. 

Smoky Mountain Pit Stop

Fast forward two years, and you're at October 20th, 2008 - two days after our wedding and the first day of our week-long honeymoon in...Gatlinburg, Tennessee. 

(Pretend you see pictures here of us, just two years older and a few pounds heavier.) 

Fast forward four more years, and you're at October 20th, 2012 - the third time The Hubs and I have been to Gatlinburg together, and also, somewhat coincidentally, the third time we have been to Gatlinburg on that EXACT SAME weekend in October. I now consider it our lucky weekend. The weather is always fantastic, and things just kind of seem to fall in place for us there and then. 

Yep, it's hanging off the mountain.

We arrived at our chalet around 3:30 pm on Saturday. See that gorgeous 2013 Chevy Equinox? It's not ours, but we wish it was. The Hubs and I have had our hearts set on one for a while now, and he jumped through a thousand hoops to find one for us to rent for the trip as a surprise for me. One Thousand Awesome Husband Points for him! 

We settled into the chalet and changed clothes for dinner/sightseeing around town. Remember how I had said I had been waiting for a steak from The Park Grill for months? It TOTALLY didn't disappoint. I had a combo 5 oz. filet mignon and pineapple moonshine grilled chicken - mouth orgasms all around.

After dinner we did a little sightseeing around Gatlinburg. Bought some fudge, which is a requirement down there, and also visited a moonshine distillery. They were offering free tastings of their 12 flavors of moonshine, so The Hubs and I gathered all the courage we could muster and saddled up to the bar.

They started - STARTED - with 100 proof White Lightning moonshine...

HOLY HELL.

Seriously, The Hubs and I thought we were gonna die, y'all. After a too short recovery period, the next sample was White Lightning marinated cherries. Yum, cherries! This can't be bad!  

Um, not so much. We are total losers! I couldn't get my 1/2 cherry down, and The Hubs suffered through his. From there, we decided that we are not cool enough to be moonshine junkies, and gave up on the tasting. But, I have to say, I am dorkily proud of the fact that we both even TRIED the White Lightning. I bought us a magnet and Christmas ornament to commemorate our bravery. LOL

Sunday, we had a train excursion from Bryson City, North Carolina, which is near Cherokee. To get to Cherokee, you have to drive through (up, down, around, into, etc.) the Smoky Mountains. Great views, hell on the inner ears.

How do you like his $3 sunglasses we bought during an emergency WalMart run the night before? LOL

The train excursion was through the Great Smoky Mountain Railroad, and was a 4.5 hour trip through the mountains. The Conductor walked our engine to the front of our train and we boarded our swanky first class car.

I think I can, I think I can.

First Class, y'all. It's how we roll. 

Our first class ticket came with lunch and desert aboard the train, a free souvenir tumbler with free pop/tea/coffee for each of us (which you can see in the above picture), and a free embroidered tote bag each. We rode about 1.5 hours out and had a layover at the Nantahala Outdoor Center, where we watched amazing kayakers make the river their bitch. 

No kayakers here, but you'll just have to trust me. They. Were. Awesome.

Then we took the train back to Bryson City and did a little shopping there. I got The BFF some Pumpkin Butter and we got ourselves some Sweet Potato Butter. So delish! 

After leaving Bryson City, we went back to Cherokee to the Harrah's Casino on the Reservation. No pictures of this, but I totally won $70 on a 30 cent bet on penny slots. Boo-yah! I ended the night up $40, Jack ended down $15. Not too shabby for us novice gamblers! Then we drove back through the mountains (much more scary in the pitch black night) and ended the night with wine (me), beer (him), and cigars (both) in the hot tub on the chalet deck. 

Monday, we partook in a Gatlinburg tradition - the Sky Lift. 

One cable and one tiny little yellow bar protecting you from sure death.

We did some shopping and looking around, and then we hit up another Gatlinburg tradition for us - going to the Thomas Kinkade Gallery. Ever since that very first trip to Gatlinburg, we make it a point to go into the Gallery and drool over the expensive beautiful-ness. Back in 2006, we literally fought over two paintings that we couldn't have afforded in a million years - Evening Majesty (which is now sold out unless you want a gigantic one for $2200, btw), and Mountain Paradise. 

The Hubs pulled me aside in one of the gallery rooms and told me, very sweetly, that he knows how badly we've both wanted a Kinkade, and that he doesn't do enough nice things for me (not true!), and that he wanted to surprise me and purchase which ever one I wanted as an anniversary gift. 

I was floored. My husband is frugal. My husband handles the finances and gets upset when I eat out for lunch. My husband wears underwear until you cant figure out which hole the legs go into because he doesn't "need" to spend the money on new ones. (TMI? Sorry 'bout that.) But the point is - here was my sweet, sweet man, telling me that he doesn't do enough for me, and offering to buy me any incredibly expensive painting I wanted (within our pre-determined budget, of course.) Seriously? Tears. At the art gallery. In public. But I don't care. 

We had an awesome dealer working with us, who was able to help us figure out a way to stay within our budget and accomplish two things: (1) Get the Mountain Paradise Kinkade that we have been wanting for so long (24x36, and framed), and (2) Get another painting that we had seen in the gallery this trip and fallen madly in love with. This one is by an 18-year-old, self-taught artist named Abraham J. Hunter, and it's GORGEOUS. And all mine in an 18x27, also framed. 

The Hunter piece will be arriving this week, but we have to wait until December to get our Kinkade. The piece has to come from the warehouse, which takes 3-4 weeks, but our gallery is hosting a highlighting event with a Kinkade Master Highlighter (a painter who was taught by Thomas Kinkade himself, who highlights certain areas of the paintings with an additional layer of paint, adding value to the piece) in early December, so they are going to keep our painting there so that it can get highlighted, then ship it to us. I can't wait!  

After dropping a redonkulous amount of money on artwork (how "adult" of us! LOL), we went to a few more places and then headed out of Dodge. We finally arrived home a little after midnight this morning and promptly passed out. All in all, my trip was fabulous. I love my husband, I love that city, and I love my life. :)