"If you start me up, start me up, I'll never stop..."

("Start Me Up" by The Rolling Stones)

Oh, so much to talk about! Let's start with the weigh-in first. Now that I'm doing the 20/20 Challenge, my weigh-in's have switched to Fridays. And on Friday, I weighed...

254.7!

That's a 3.3 pound loss last week. And I have to say, it's all because of the BHMs. I started last week thinking, "okay, a new weight loss challenge, whoopie." I was still running really low on motivation and just generally not caring about the whole diet thing. Then, I met the girls, and I realized that these women are taking this very seriously. I quickly realized that if I was going to do this thing, I needed to DO this thing. These 5 other women are in it for the long haul, and I need to be to. Ladies, you were/are just what I needed to get my mojo back! Thanks!

So, with their help, I lost 3.3 pounds, and I want to get to that 5 pound mark by Friday. As silly as it is, I just really, really want that "I lost 5 pounds" blog button on Ashlee's site. LOL. Whatever keeps you motivated, right? Speaking of silly motivation, I bought stickers yesterday for my weight loss chart that Ashlee's friend Emily made us. Basically, there's a spot on the chart that lists out the numbers 1-20 in 1/2 pound increments, and you are supposed to put stickers over the pounds that you lose. I bought those little tiny circle stickers that teachers use. They say things like, "Way to go!", "Good Job!", and "You did it!".

I'm not gonna lie, it was pretty fun to cover up 0.5-3.0 yesterday. What can I say, I'm a kid at heart.

Okay, on to last weeks goals:

Plan a dinner with The In-Laws: (0/1) - yeah, I didn't get to that.
Make a dentist appointment: (0/1) - didn't get to that either. oops.
Do a good deed at least once daily: (1/7) - I didn't realize how hard it would be to find good deeds to do!
Take Metformin daily: (5/7) - pretty good...could be better.
Test blood sugar in AM daily: (3/7) - yeah, I'm really sucking at this testing thing.
Test blood sugar after dinner daily: (3/7) - see above
Stay under 2,000 calories daily: (6/7) - pretty darn close to rockstar status there.
Conquer the Dreaded Steps of Doom every day this week: (4/5) - so close! Damn you, Wednesday!
C25k Week 1, Workouts 1-3: (3/3) - Heck yeah, baby! Easy peasy...
Do three hours of cardio: (240-180) - Serious Rockstar status! One hour more than my goal!

I am really proud of those last four. Even though I fell a tiny bit short on the calories and DSoD, I accomplished the whole first week of C25k and even added more to the workout than what was required. I didn't have to work out yesterday, but I did. (Granted, I wasn't running any marathons yesterday, but I was moving my butt. And that counts for something.)

And now, current events:

Zumba is tonight! I am beyond excited! I just wish it wasn't Monday, and the days didn't drag by while I'm at work...5:15 here I come, baby. I'll let you know how it goes!

The Hubs starts back to school tonight, and I'm super struggling with this. The upside? I'll be bored without him, so I shouldn't have a reason not to get my butt on that treadmill. The downside? I've only got a husband on the weekends now. We need to get this first week under our belts and see how it goes. Wish us luck!

We're going to a cook-out on Saturday at Tonja/Jason's house. I need to figure out what I'm going to bring - I was thinking maybe a fresh fruit platter or something else healthy like that. The good thing is that four out of six of us at the cookout are on diets, so there should be lots of good, healthy stuff to pig out on. But, then again, there will also be margaritas. Hmmm...

Guess that's it - I've got to start thinking of this weeks goals, and then get to work.

Have a great week, all!

Very interesting...

Even though I have gone above and beyond my cardio goal for this week, I find myself feeling the urge tonight to just get on that treadmill and go.

I don't have to, but I want to.

I must be in an alternate universe - this can't be me...

I love charts...

But I can't figure out how to make one in blogger. Bah.

At any rate, I'll post the contents of my latest and greatest chart: my tracking sheet. I basically made a chart that shows the date of an event in the future, how many pounds I should have lost by then (at 1-2 pounds per week), and what my scale weight should be by then.

Hopefully, this will give me an at-a-glance look at whether I'm staying on track with my goals or not. (I'd better be!)

So, this is not what my chart looks like, but it is what it says:

5/18:
Event: The Biggest Loser Final Weigh-In
Pounds Lost: 7-14
Scale Weight: 244-251

5/23:
Event: Family Wedding
Pounds Lost: 8-16
Scale Weight: 242-250

5/29:
Event: Camping Trip with The Hubs, The BFF/BF, Tonja & Jason
Pounds Lost: 9-18
Scale Weight: 240-249

6/7:
Event: Mrs. B.'s 1st Ever 5k Race!
Pounds Lost: 10-20
Scale Weight: 238-248

7/4:
Event: Friends' Wedding
Pounds Lost: 14-28
Scale Weight: 230-244

8/7:
Event: Ash is Fit's 20/20 Challenge Final Weigh-In
Pounds Lost: 20-40
Scale Weight: 218-238

9/12:
Event: Tonja & Jason's Wedding
Pounds Lost: 24-48
Scale Weight: 210-234

10/18:
Event: Our 1st Anniversary
Pounds Lost: 29-58
Scale Weight: 200-229

So, according to my calculations (math was never my strong point) it's still possible to get to my original goal weight of 200 or less by our 1st anniversary. I'm feeling a little uneasy about the probability of me averaging a 2 pound loss for the next 29 weeks straight, but I'm sure as hell going to try! It would be such a bummer to get really close and not make it there!

Tonight is my 2nd night of c25k workouts. I'm going to wait about another 1/2 hour before I do, since I ate not too long ago, and I don't want to re-visit my dinner. I was really proud of myself on Tuesday for finishing the whole c25k 1st workout - I even threw in an extra minute of running and 4 minutes of walking at the end! I don't know if I'll be able to do that tonight though - I definitely noticed that the Dreaded Steps of Doom were harder to conquer today...we'll see how well my legs hold up tonight.

In other news - I love my BHM ladies! We added another hot mama into the mix - welcome Tricia! That brings us up to 6, which is one of the largest groups Ashlee did, I think. The BFF's group is only 3 people. Anyway, I really enjoy our email chats and discussing The Biggest Loser, our husbands, and the eerie similarities we all seem to share. It's really kind of amazing we all ended up in the same group together - we couldn't have been better matched.

Aaaand...our first 20/20 Weigh In is tomorrow...eeek!

Rock on Team BHM - we're going to kick some bootie tomorrow, right?!

Right.

Okay guys, I think it's time to go from couch to 5k...wish me luck!

I'm off my rocker...

...and in my running shoes!

We're doing a 5k, kids! The BFF and I are starting C25k this week, and we are signing up for this 5k in June. I can't believe it!

And the best part? Most (if not all) of my BHM Mamas are doing their own C25k programs and signing up for a 5k in their areas, too! I am so psyched for this - I just can't even imagine how good it's going to feel to cross that finish line in 11 weeks...

Now all I've got to do is be able to run 3.1 miles. Easy peasy.

(Right!) But I'll get there, kids. I'll get there along with The BFF and The BHM's. We can do this!

"...If you need me, let me know, gonna be around..."

"...if you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down,
If you're all alone, when the pretty birds have flown,
Honey I'm still free, take a chance on me..."
("Take A Chance On Me" by Abba).

258. No change. Last weeks goals? Well, let's just see about those...

Think good thoughts at least once daily: (7/7) Easy peasy with a Hubs like mine.
Take Metformin daily: (4/7) Damn you, weekend!
Test blood sugar in AM daily: (2/7) Um, yeah...no excuses.
Test blood sugar after dinner daily: (0/7) I really need to set up the alarm on my phone again!
Stay under 2,000 calories daily: (2/7) 2,000 sounds like a lot, until you actually try to do it. I've done it before, though, so I know it's possible.
Do three hours of cardio: (0/180 mins): Did you not read my last blog? Told you, I'm lazy.

Uh huh.

Diet: FAIL. Exercise: FAIL. Weekend: FAIL.

Let's start with the weekend. Friday night was very nice. Dinner on a Long Horn gift card and a free appetizer coupon...can you say "thrifty"?! Then, home and lots of games of Sudoku. I get addicted once I start, so I didn't get to bed until after 1:00 am. Uugh.

Saturday, up and at 'em bright and early to drive an hour to have my uncle do our taxes. Finally! Uugh again. We owe the city, we're getting a whopping $10 back from the state, and our Federal was waaaaaaaaaaaaay smaller than either of us was hoping for. Those dreams I was having of our shopping spree where we finally get a bed big enough for both our fat booties?! Swoosh, out the window.

Saturday afternoon we both took naps, which is a very rare occurance for me since I find it incredibly hard to sleep during daylight. I was super tired, though. We woke up, I cooked us dinner, and then we left for the In-Laws' house. We hung out with The Kids until after 2 am, randomly pulling up every old TV theme song we could think of, and singing along. Drunken theme song singing is hilarious! (The Hubs and I were sober). Then I wowed the crowd with my amazing ability to list all 50 states in alphabetical order. Yeah, we're a bunch of wild and crazy guys! (Channel your inner Steve Martin, please).

Sunday was laundry day. One of the many benefits of going to The In-Laws' is the free laundry service. The Hubs and his dad spent the day working on my car and miscellaneous other things in the "shop", and I did 8 hours of laundry. And spent the day with The MIL. Yep, that was fun. (How 'bout a little sarcasm for ya kids today...) Then it was back home, a couple more games of Sudoku, and in bed by midnight. Woot.

On to diet and exercise: you all know I suck. I'll leave it at that.

But you all also know that I'm an optimist, and I don't like to leave negative vibes out there without at least attempting to throw some positivity out with it, so:

We got our buddy groups for the 20/20 Challenge. I'm paired with 4 other women: Amanda, Joy, Misha and Nicole. If you're reading this, "Hi Ladies!" :)

Ashlee was very smart/awesome, and paired us up based on how much weight we're looking to lose, and why we're trying to lose it. I'm really excited about the group, and I hope we can really motivate each other to get this thing done! ("...if you need me, let me know, gonna be around...")

I'm really trying to get back in the game, kids.

Nice short little post today, unless I think of something more to add later!

Have a loverly week, my dears!

"And often times we're lazy, it seems to stand in my way..."

"...cause no one, no not no one, likes to be let down."
("Flake" by Jack Johnson).

I'm a bum. A lazy, lazy bum.

The Hubs has been working like a crazy man this week, trying to get a lot of things done before he starts school. He tore everything out of a huge closet in our entry, and has spent the whole week chipping away at it after dinner. Me? I've been doing my part by thoroughly enjoying the new cable he installed in the bedroom. Yep. I'm a bum. And quite possibly, a horrible wife.

While I completely admit that I'm lazy, and have absolutely no desire to do anything around the house after I get home from work, I do have one little teeny tiny explanation excuse: I look at cleaning completely differently than The Hubs does. If I am going to tackle a big project, like that crazy closet, I would rather do it somewhat early on a weekend day. I want to have it done. It drives me nuts to start a big project, and then have it sit there all week. My philosophy is 'don't start it unless you have the time to finish it'. That's not how The Hubs looks at it, and to be honest, he does end up getting more accomplished by his method. I just can't do it that way.

To add to the "Mrs. B.'s a big, fat, lazy loser" mentality, we're going to his parents' house this weekend. Where they all run around like Stepford people and accomplish all sorts of things, and I'm just kind of left spinning in their wake. When The Hubs still lived at home, I would come up for the weekend to visit. I used to really try to jump in, and help with whatever was going on.

See? I'm helping put the numbers on the race car.

Here, I'm modeling the stickers I stuck. (Come to think of it, I'm not sure I ever told you that when I first met The Hubs, he was a race car driver...well, now you know!)

But anyway, back to the laziness thing. Now, I don't really try anymore. It's probably a combination of The MIL and my interpretation of The MIL, but when I do help around the house, or attempt to do something, she has the uncanny ability to make me feel completely inept.

Before The Hubs and I moved in together, I always got the distinct feeling that she didn't think he was going to survive living with me. Like I was going to starve him because of my inability to cook. The thing was, I can cook. I am just really uncomfortable doing it in her kitchen, with her stuff, with her watching my every move. So I just kind of shut down, and try really hard to be friendly, but blend in with the background, and let her do her own thing, thus making me look even lazier than I already am! It's a vicious cycle. Luckily, the guys (Jack and his dad) are usually out in the "shop", which is a big, huge garage where they do manly things that don't require the help of any measley, lazy women. So I'm safe there. :-)

On to other things:

I give up on Cardio Dance. We were up to 4 whole participants (including myself), and then one dropped out, one severely hinted that she'd rather be out enjoying the beautiful day, and one (MFN) was really sore from attempting the Basic Training class the night before. Although, to her credit, MFN was totally ready to shake her booty in my class. In the end, I just decided to cancel, and give up on the concept. There's really no point in trying to force people to do something they don't want to.

One exciting bit of news: we're having a Zumba instructor come do a free demo class on the 30th. I'm really stoked for it because I've been wanting to try Zumba for a couple of years now, but haven't had the chance. Now I get to try it out for free! The BFF, Tonja, MFN, and our friend Jason (JMcQ) are going to join in, as well. I'll let you know how it goes!

Another exciting bit of news: I'm sure you've seen the little blog sticker, but I've signed up with 130 other people to do Ash Is Fit's 20/20 Challenge. She's accomplished a pretty amazing feat - she lost 80 pounds - and has found herself struggling to lose the last 20 of her goal. She had this great idea to make it a challenge, and ended up having over 130 people join in. The goal is to lose (at least) 20 pounds in 20 weeks. We're having weekly weigh-ins, and she's even crazy enough to organize a buddy system for all of us, so that we can motivate ourselves and others. It starts today, so I'll keep you in the loop on that as well.

In other random news:

-Thank you, President Obama, for the extra $20 in my paycheck last week. The Hubs found some extra money in his as well. I know it doesn't seem like a lot, but when you're living paycheck to paycheck like we are, every little bit helps. I hope we'll be able to get even more good things going for the country here in the next few months. (Taking away all those exorbitant bonuses from AIG would be a great start, guys!)

-Today was a jean day at work. They are very rare, and very beloved.

-Today I learned (unfortunately) what a 'goatse' was. If you don't know, do yourself a favor, and resist the curious urge to find out. If you can't resist, then don't say you haven't been warned.

-I want to find information on becoming a freelance copy editor or proofreader. I think I would really enjoy that job.

Okay, guess that's enough for now. Have a great weekend all. See you on Monday!

"Everyone knows an ant, can't, move a rubber tree plant..."

("High Hopes" by Frank Sinatra).

258.

Back to the drawing board. My free-for-all birthday week has caught up with me, as I knew it would. Today was the 4 week/5 pound challenge for the work TBL contest. I 'officially' gained 1 pound - the work weigh in was 257.2. I am 18 pounds over my goal weight for today. Whatever, man.

Everything went down the tubes last week. I quit taking my Metformin again, which means I get to go through the gastrointestinal delight that comes with re-starting. I didn't test my sugars all week. I didn't count calories. I didn't make any good choices. To say it was a bad week, would be a generous understatement. What is wrong with me?!

I'm so over it right now.

This weekend flew by faster than any weekend I've had in a really long time. That's probably because I needed it so badly. Friday, The Hubs and I went to MFN's husband's surprise Bon Voyage party - he left today for his pre-deployment training. MFN's having a rough time, which is to be expected. I'm trying to be there for her as much as I can...I'm not sure exactly how good I am at that. Hopefully, she knows I'm trying.

Saturday was my non-birthday party birthday party. (And I promise you, after this post, I will do my best to refrain from using the word "birthday" for as long as I can...I'm sure you're sick of it!) Anyway, we had a good time. I finally got to play Guitar Hero for the first time ever. And, yeah, I suck. The awesome part about that game is that even if you suck, it's still fun, so you want to keep trying. We played games, we ate, we drank, and all was right with the world.

Sunday, The Hubs and I lounged around, and did a little post-party cleaning. I forced him to watch an entire day of Jon & Kate Plus 8, which I'm sure he's silently resenting me for. The dynamic between Jon & Kate is so strange, with her being so mean to him sometimes, but I guess that comes with the territory. I think they really try to be great parents to all 8 kids, though, which is totally commendable. The reason I watch, though, is totally because of the kids. They are just too freaking cute...and Aaden melts my heart with his little glasses. I just can't take it.

He's too cute!

Anyway, hopefully this week is better than the last. I'm going to try to have my Cardio Dance class again, and we'll see how that goes. I'm going to try to stick to my medicine and foods. We'll see how that goes. I don't have anything on the calendar that I'm particularly dreading this week. We'll see how that goes. I think it won't be very hard for this week to be better than the last.

I've got high hopes, people. High, apple pie in the sky, hopes.

"Pour your misery down, Pour your misery down on me..."

("Only Happy When It Rains" by Garbage).

Oh, what a week. Seriously, I was pretty done with it by Wednesday, and then yesterday just made it worse.

Monday was the bday, as you all know. It was very nice. The Hubs and I went to Olive Garden, where I could imbibe on my traditional birthday drink of choice: Berry Sangria. So freaking yumm-o!

Tuesday, nothing much happened, except for the fact that I spent hours prepping for my Wednesday Cardio Dance class. I taught myelf a new dance, and The Hubs helped me make cds with all the right songs.

Wednesday is when the shit started hitting the fan. All it took was one event to make all of the subconscious stress I had lurking around in my head/body bubble up unavoidably to the surface. I honestly did not realize that I am as stressed as I am. That is, I didn't realize it until people started disappearing from work. A good friend of mine came up to me and told me that she was heading out - she had been "let go". And then I realized that the guy two cubes in front of me never came back from lunch. And the picture of him and his girlfriend was gone from his desk. And then the panic set in. One of the HR guys kept passing by my desk with employee files in his hand, and walking into my boss' office. Every single time he passed, I thought I was for sure the next one to go. My job isn't totally something the company HAS to have. If they're so desperate that they are firing some of the best employees we've got, what's to stop them from getting rid of me?

I can honestly say that for the first time in my life, I actually had a small panic attack. My heart was racing for the whole last hour of the day. In the end, I did not get fired, but 8 others did. And who's to say that I won't be in the next round? Even the owner of our company told us all in a meeting the next day that he can't guarantee that anyone's job is safe. Now that's reassuring!

So, I couldn't wait to leave on Wednesday, because that meant I wasn't getting fired (at least until tomorrow, anyway), but I had to stay and teach my very first Cardio Dance class. The same class that several people had committed to coming to, and countless others had patted me on the back for..."That's such a good idea!", "Oh, it sounds like so much fun!" "Great thinking!".

Aaaaaaaand...no one showed up.

At the time, I wasn't really upset, because it meant that I didn't have to go through the whole "let's teach my peers something that could make me look really stupid" thing. But then I got home, and just broke the fuck down. Poor Hubs.

I really think it was just a combination of getting myself so worked up over the firings, and no one showing up for a class that I worked really hard on, and all this crazy birthday party drama that The Kids keep throwing on me, and trying to plan this stupid trip to Gatlinburg and a camping trip, and I had just had enough. I cried and cried and cried, and then laid down in bed and didn't get back up until Thursday.

Oh, Thursday... if Wednesday was bad, then Thursday was uber bad. Bad on steroids. The Incredible Hulk of bad. Not only was I still stressing out about everything from the day before, but (as previously mentioned) one of the owners of our company came and had a big meeting about how dismal the economy is, and it's so much worse than we thought, and we had to let all these people go, and we may be letting more of you go if it doesn't get any better, but you need to work twice as hard, and do more with less, and that's just kind of how it's going to be. Fun times!

And then I got to spend all day answering the question, "How was your class last night?!" with "Oh, um...It would have been great had anyone bothered to show up. Yep, I'm a loser. Thanks for reminding me. " (Or something like that).

And then we decided to cancel the Gatlinburg trip. One of my favorite things in the whole world, now indefinitely postponed. It's all about money. Fucking money. I hate it. But I understand why we had to cancel.

And then I decided to cancel my drama filled birthday party. Or at least scale it down a bit, and dis-invite the drama filled people. Ironically, cancelling my own birthday bash is one of the only things I've done this week that has made me feel somewhat less stressed out.

And then, there was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. I just found out my job's in danger. I've been repeatedly forced to explain to people that I'm a loser. I'm not taking a trip I was really excited for. I'm not having a big birthday celebration. Now it's time for lunch.

MFN and I walked into our little lunch room (which has basically floor to ceiling windows on every wall) and saw a Mamma goose nesting an egg that she had just laid. The Daddy goose was standing guard, like they always do. MFN and I spent some time talking about how we know that they are annoying, but it's still really nice to see the process of life, and the Daddy being so protective, and how amazing it is that the Momma instinctively knows exactly what she needs to do to have a healthy baby.

In walks our security guard, whos job partly consists of shooing the geese off of our property. MFN tells him that the goose had laid an egg, and he decides to go on an egg extingushing mission. He asked me for the grocery bag I had brought my lunch in, and I refused to give it to him. I told him I didn't want any part of it, and asked him not to do it, because I just think it's cruel to kill something for no good reason. He continued out the door on his mission, and I left the room because I just couldn't stand there and watch him do this. After he came back in the building, I went back in the lunch room to try and eat my lunch. The Momma and Daddy goose came back to her nest like "Where's my baby?!" and I couldn't take it anymore.

I went to the bathroom and cried. Not just over the damn geese, but over everything that has been going on this week. And the damn geese. The way I see it, if it is your job to keep them from nesting, then keep them from nesting. But if you don't do your job, and they do nest? Leave them alone! I just don't think it's right to go and kill the babies.

All this crap has just pulled me down into a really dark funk. Today was a little better than the past two days have been, but I just can't seem to bring myself out of it. I'm overwhelmed. I'm stressed. I'm pissed. I'm annoyed.

I'm ready for the weekend. And a drink.

Creeper Update...

Another hit from eHarmony.com on my stat counter at about noon today.

Katy brings up a good point, that they may not necessarily be looking for negative language, but any sort of traffic at all.

I agree with her when she says "...that being said, it's still creepy".

Oh well...

"Life goes on, and so do we,
Just how we do it is no mystery,
One by one, we fill the days,
We find a thousand different ways."

(Name that tv theme song!)

"I always feel like, somebody's watchin' me..."

"Somebody's Watchin' Me" by Rockwell.

So, I've got to share something just a little bit creepy with you all. First, in the interest of full disclosure, here's the deal:

I have a temporary stat counter on this blog that I put in place about a week ago just to see what kind of traffic it was getting. It's a free counter, which will only count up to 500 visitors, so it gives me very limited information for a very limited time. It's been great, because I've found out that people from all over the US and Canada have read my stuff. Also, I've had some hits from France, Germany, Peru, The UK, South Africa and Slovenia (mostly from internet searches for song lyrics, they come across my titles). I think that's amazing!

Well, I have to say, I'm really happy I had it in place because it helped me solidify my opinion that eHarmony is not a good company. Now, I admit that I have somewhat limited understanding about the backdoor world of the internet, so I guess there is a chance that what happened is perfectly normal or has a logical explanation...but it seems pretty creepy to me.

I posted "Birthday Indulgences" at about 1:40 yesterday afternoon. You might have read it - I expressed my discontent with eHarmony, their ownership of Wedingbee, and the fact that they are anti-LGBTQ. About 4 hours later, my stat counter shows a hit from an IP address at eHarmony.com (the business, not the website) in Pasadena, California. Creepy much?! Are they seriously checking up on people who express a negative opinion of their company?! I have to say, I've never been so thankful for the First Amendment in my life!

Now, as I stated before, there could be a more logical explanation than the inference that eHarmony is in the routine practice of searching for negative noise in random blogs. If you can think of another explanation, please let me know.

Maybe then I'll feel a little less dirty. :-)

Birthday Indulgences

I used to be addicted to Weddingbee. I could spend hours on that site, no problem. Sadly, one day, the owner of the site sold it to eHarmony, and I could no longer visit the site with a clear conscience. eHarmony is notoriously anti-LGBTQ (if you're wondering, that stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bi-Sexual, Transgender, and Queer/Questioning). I am not anti-LGBTQ. In the slightest. Several bees ended up leaving the site for this very reason, and I felt in my heart that I needed to do the same. (Which is also the reason I did not make their name 'clickable' above. Every time you click on a page, eHarmony makes money).

What could this possibly have to do with these ring pictures, you ask? Well, I am only human, and found it very hard to quit Weddingbee cold turkey. I only visit the site once every blue moon now, and on one of those visits, they were doing tutorials on how to get great ring shots, and readers sent in their own engagement ring pictures. The Hubs was away one weekend, so I found every object I could that would make an interesting background, and set up a mini studio on our bed. Out of a zillion pictures, I got about 8 good ones. These are the best of the 8.

The reason this post is called "Birthday Indulgences" is because I know you could probably care less about my rings. It may even come off as though I'm bragging. Trust me, I'm not. I just really like my rings, and I pleasantly surprised myself when I got some half-way decent photos.

I'm indulging in things that make me happy today, and this is one of them.

:-)

"...Just one more candle and a trip around the sun..."

("Trip Around the Sun" by Jimmy Buffett with Martina McBride).



Today is my 27th birthday.

Now, because for some reason I've been crying at the drop of a hat lately, rather than get all introspective and thoughtful (because I hate to cry at work), I'll just tell you that I'm a big fan of birthdays. And that my birthday present from The Hubs was Horton Hears a Who (which also makes me cry - I mean, come on - "A person's a person, no matter how small...").

Oh, and that Monday Weigh-In's don't exist on your birthday. That, or I just really, really hated the number I saw today. Either way, it's my birthday, and I'll ignore it if I want to.

You know what would make this birthday great? A comment from you!

Have a great week, all!

Very important update...

I heart yoga.

That is all.

"It just takes some time, little girl, you're in the middle of the ride. Everything will be just fine. Everything, everything will be allright..."

"Hey, don't write yourself off yet,
It's only in your head you feel left out,
Or looked down on.
Just try your best,
Try everything that you can,
And don't you worry what they tell themselves
While you're away..."

("The Middle" by Jimmy Eat World).

Well, Monday's post was a bummer, and I'm an eternal optimist, so I figured I needed to balance out all that negativity with some good thoughts. Here we go...

I have been doing an awesome job remembering to test my blood sugar in the morning and after dinner. It really helps that I set an alarm on my phone. I'm supposed to test two hours after I eat dinner, so I usually forget. Now that I have an alarm, I don't!

I have stuck to the 2,000 calorie (or very close to it) limit every day this week so far. Even the day that we got Olive Garden take-out! Yes, I'm proud.

I've been moving my butt every day. Monday, MFN and I did the 5 flights of steps here at work, twice in a row. Yes, I almost died, but I made it up those damn steps. Nothing like a set of stairs to make you realize exactly how out of shape you are. Hopefully one day soon, I'll do those two sets without stopping, or pulling myself up with the railing. I hate those steps, and I will beat them.

Tuesday, I did a 35 minute fast walk on the treadmill at a (whopping!) 1% incline. 35 minutes, a mile and a half, around 200 calories or so burned off. Really, The Biggest Loser is the best motivation out there. I just can't sit on my ass and watch those people, who weigh a hell of a lot more than I do, work their butts off. Inevitably, I have to get up and get on that treadmill while I watch the show.

Yesterday, MFN and I did those damn stairs again, which was harder than the first time because both of our calves were killing us. We did two sets, though. And we'll probably do them today.

Today, I've got my very first Yoga class ever. I'm really excited, since I know a lot of people who love it. It's only the second class I will have taken at work. I took the first boot camp class, and really hated it. It's not the type of workout I do. I really have to enjoy it to do it, and that? That was not enjoyable.

Speaking of enjoying your workouts...I'm running a new fitness class at work. Starting next Wednesday, I'll be facilitating a Cardio Dance class! It sounds more difficult than it is, though. We'll basically just be doing every fun line dance imagineable. I just want to get people moving, and get some cardio in our class schedule. We're going to be doing the Cha Cha Slide, Cupid Shuffle, Electric Slide, the Hustle, and some others. Do you have any favorite line dances that I haven't listed? I'm really excited about this!

In other (random but good) news:


Spring is on the way! And unlike last year, there's no chance of a freak blizzard on my birthday (which is fast approaching)! Woot! With spring comes sunshine, and rain (which I love!), and leaves on the trees again! And it means a trip to Gatlinburg.

I heart Gatlinburg, Tennessee. Have I ever told you that? I have been there at least every couple of years, my whole life. I have an immeasureable amount of memories of go carts in Pigeon Forge, Hillbilly Golf, and the Sky Lift, and the Smoky Mountains. One of my favorites? Lets just say it involves The BFF and I when we were younger, and had elements of not telling our parents, a car wreck, cops, and pepper spray! Intrigued? I bet.

Another one of my favorites? The Hubs and I stayed in this amazing chalet for our honeymoon. And now, a little over 6 months since that amazing trip, we're going back. In late April, we'll be joined by The BFF/BF and possibly by Candice and Harby-Man for a nice, long weekend in the mountains. I. Can't. Wait.

We've also got a camping trip in the works for May, but we're having some scheduling difficulties. I really hope we can go, because I've never been! Of course, it's not extreme camping out in the middle of nowhere, but there will be sleeping in tents, and hamburgers, and beer. Sounds great to me! And, I want to go because The Hubs is an Eagle Scout and I feel like I need to prove that I can do it. We'll see...

So there's your random post chock full o' good news. I'm achieving my goals this week, my birthday is in 4 days, spring is coming, and trips are planned! All good stuff...I can't wait!

What are you most looking forward to this spring?

"I gotta get through this, gotta make it, gotta make it, gotta make it through"

("Gotta Get Through This" by Daniel Bedingfield)

Let's start off with my goals from last week:

Take Metformin (my blood sugar medicine) daily: 6/7
Test blood sugar in a.m. daily: 6/7
Test blood sugar after dinner daily: 5/7
Consume less than 2,000 calories daily: 3/7
Treadmill or other cardio at least 3 hours this week: 0/3 big, fat goose egg, baby!

Big improvements in the blood sugar/medicine area, but a big fat nothing in the diet/exercise area for yours truly. And speaking of the diet...

254.8

I am 5.2 pounds down, but 8.8 pounds behind my goal. I wish I could just get back into that mindset I had a month ago! I was so gung-ho about everything, and actually working toward my goal. I have to admit, the .6 pound loss this week must have been pure luck. I actually lost a little weight in spite of one ill-fated trip to Applebees with The Hubs' parents, and a three-birthday (The Hubs, me, and one of my little cousins) birthday party yesterday.

I really need to get back into this. Like, now. Well, like, yesterday. But now. I have to stop making excuses, and do it. I need to get my ass on that treadmill. I need to stop eating whatever crap I want. It's not too late yet - it's only the beginning of March. I don't want to be writing this in June, and then in September, and then in December, and realize I've blown my chance. I've gotta get through this.

Uugh. What kind of cruel joke is it that it's so easy to put the weight on, and almost freaking impossible to take it back off?!?! Right now, I'm just so close to a pity party, it's not even funny. I just want to cross my arms, and stomp my feet, and say "It isn't fair! It isn't fair!" over and over again. I want to hate every single skinny woman in the world, and hold a grudge against every swimsuit and clothing designer that ever existed, and say, "hey you! why don't you make anything that looks even remotely stylish? Why don't you want fat women to feel good about themselves?!"

Which, of course, I know won't fix my problem. If hosting a self-pity party burned calories, I'd be Twiggy. (Who, by the way, I would never wish to emulate. She looked so emaciated in the 60's!)

The whole diet thing is totally a mind game. I know it is. In order for me to lose weight, I have to change the way I think about food, and dieting, and exercise. The Navy Wife's dad just lost a lot of weight doing a hospital sanctioned liquid diet. He had to reintroduce food into his life and completely reprogram himself about the way he looked at food. For some reason, something in me just does not want to be that person who always has healthy eating/exercise on the brain. Someone who let their diet (allbeit successful) take over their life.

I don't know why, I just feel like I would be missing out on something. What? I don't know, but we were just talking about this at girls' night a couple of weeks ago. When I got the news that we were going to have to go to Chicago for baby Tyler's funeral, I went to BW3's for lunch and drowned my sorrows in honey barbeque sauce. When we actually took the trip, we ate McDonalds and Burger King, and I didn't even attempt to find healthier alternatives. And I said to The BFF during girls' night, "You know, sometimes there are more important things in life than dieting". And I really, truly believe that. But to that person I was talking about above, there isn't anything more important than sticking to his/her diet and exercise.

As much as I don't want to be that person, I think I need to be that person. I have to make this freaking weight loss my number one priority. My number one thought. I can't just forget about it when ever something out of the norm happens. I can't just say, "I'm having a bad day. I deserve to eat what ever I want". I don't deserve it. I haven't done anything to deserve it. Maybe, when I've lost 20 pounds, and I really want a slice of cake? Maybe then I'll deserve it, but now, I don't.

I have a real problem with telling myself "no". In my little head, I'm like, "hey, you're an adult. No one can tell you not to eat/buy/do that. You want to? Go ahead! It's the fun part of growing up!" Then my little head conveniently, and forcefully pushes that whole "consequences" part into a dark, cob-web filled corner, to be forgotten, and I turned myself into a fat, indebted girl with a couple regrets. I really need to face the music and pay more attention to the consequences part of being an adult...but really, who wants to do that? It's such a downer.

I wish I were a kid again.