Bad Pictures of a Recent Project

But before we get to that -

I have a slight obsession with these:

And I will usually have two or three (five is 200 calories, so 40 calories each) after lunch at work. And y'all know that Dove is famous for their little affirmations or sayings that are printed on the inside of the wrapper. You know, they usually say things that aim at getting you to slow down and indulge in a "moment" or whatever.

However, I have noticed two recently that really kind of irk me. One that says "Chocolate Loves Unconditionally", and this one that I just unwrapped today:

Really, the "Chocolate Loves Unconditionally" one is the one I have a major problem with. I could totally be a Debbie Downer who thinks too much about this stuff, but when obesity is such a problem in this country, and when eating disorders so often center around emotional needs, it seems so irresponsible for a chocolate company to feed into that with these "comforting" messages of love by chocolate. Chocolate does NOT love unconditionally. Chocolate doesn't love at all. And an overweight person who is dealing with their emotions by way of comfort food is probably going to read that and go, 'Aww....chocolate loves me. I should eat more of it because it makes me feel good!" While they're not addressing their emotional issues at all.

I don't know. It just bugs me.

But on to my project that has been taking up all my time for the past couple of months. My friend Tonja is pregnant with her second baby (another girl!) and The BFF threw her a shower this weekend. I decided a couple months ago, because I apparently didn't learn my Christmas Dish Cloths lesson and I'm an idiot who is a glutton for punishment, that I would crochet her a baby blanket.

Unlike dish cloths, I was not up until 3 am the morning of the shower working on the blanket, amazingly enough. I finished it at 11:30 pm the night before, thankyouverymuch. I wanted to make a ripple/chevron afghan, so I scoured the interwebs to find a simple pattern, and totally scored with an amazing Youtube tutorial for a pattern called "Lazy Waves". If you're a crocheter, the whole thing is nothing but Double Crochet (DC) and Double Crochet Together (DCTog or DC Decrease) stitches. SUPER simple, even I could do it!

Anyway, as I began working on it, I slowly started falling in love with it, even though it was a huge PITA (Pain In The Ass). Even though it was simple, I was using very fine/soft baby yarn, so the stitches were super small and slippery. One row, at the beginning, took me more than 30 minutes to do. There are 82 rows in this blanket. So even when I got a little faster, and each row was taking me about 20 minutes, you're looking at at least 1,640 minutes of work on this afghan. Not to mention all the weaving in of ends I had to do after changing between colors. And if you're curious, like I was, 1,640 minutes is more than 27 hours. Tonja's lucky I like her.

So by the time I was finished and had invested 27 hours of my sweat and tears into this thing, I was kind of sad to see it go. Before I wrapped it up, I took a bunch of pictures of it. But the lighting in my apartment is horrible, so they don't really show how pretty it really was. If you're interested, I used Bernat BabySoft and Softees yarn for this project. I used one whole large skein of hot pink and less than one large skein each of the Burl Gray and White. The final size was probably 2.5 feet by 4 feet-ish. I forgot to measure.

Without any further ado, the bad pictures:

It was a huge hit! Tonja loved it, and the little girls at the shower all wanted to be wrapped up in it at once. It was so worth all the time I put into it, and I hope her baby girl enjoys it! 

For now, though, I have to force myself to not start any more crochet projects because I have so much else going on. And I know that if I did start one, I would totally use it to procrastinate from doing any of the things I really need to be doing...*cough*SCHOOL*cough*. 

What about you guys? What is your go-to procrastination method? Crafts? Books? Hiding under the covers and pretending everything outside the bed doesn't exist? Tell me! 

Lap Band is Tax Deductible...With a Catch

Let's begin at the beginning, shall we? 

Way back in the days of my original Lap Band research, I discovered that the cost of the surgery is tax deductible. And because I'm not a tax law expert or a numbers person in general, I asked you smart Bloggie McBlogerton's about it. Lap Band Gal answered the call, and several subsequent questions about it, to the best of her knowledge, and I'm grateful for the help. But it had been several years since she went through the process and she couldn't quite remember all the details. (Totally understandable.)

What I knew was this: all out-of-pocket medical costs not related to your Health Savings Account could be itemized and deducted from your taxes. And the amount that can be deducted has to be more than 7.5% of your Adjusted Gross Income.

So by all accounts, The Hubs and I went into our tax prep appointment thinking we were in for a large chunk of a refund by the IRS. Pay up, sucka!

Not so much.

What we DIDN'T know was this: in order for you to be able to use your medical expenses as a deduction (and for it to actually HELP you, instead of hurting you), your medical expenses have to be in excess of the standard deductions that the government already gives you. For us, our standard deduction was $11,900, so in order for my surgery and medical expenses to help, it would have to be more than $11,900, and we would basically get back the difference.

All of my out-of-pocket medical expenses for the last year ended up being about $11,700. In my case, my surgery IS tax deductible, yes, but it is less than the standard deduction I already get, so it's useless.

To add insult to injury, we actually OWE the Federal Government this year. So I went from thinking we were going to get thousands of dollars back, to realizing that we owe hundreds of dollars, in a matter of minutes. Needless to say, I was not a happy camper. 

I'm totally bummed out about this, but it being tax deductible was not one of the major selling points of my decision to get the band. I don't regret my decision one bit, I just wish I had done a little more research before getting my tax refund hopes up. So I thought I would post my drama and heartbreak here, so that any other self-pay bandsters might learn from my mistakes and have a little more information than I had.

The bottom line? Taxes suck. 

Finally Noticing Things

Over the past year, I've lost more than 33 pounds, which at times seems like a huge number, and at other times seems like a minuscule drop in the bucket. But it is what it is, which is 30 pounds of fat - gone. But also, over the past year, as I was losing this weight, I never really had a moment where I looked in the mirror and thought, "Oh, yeah! I can totally see it!" (Or, not see it as the case may be.) I have noticed pants fitting differently. I am conscious of the fact that I had to "retire" a pair of work pants because they literally won't stay up. I noticed that the t-shirts I wear to bed (usually my husband's) aren't as tight.

I've seen these little things over the past year, but nothing monumental. No "oh wow!" moments.

I think they're starting, though. I'm normally a mirror avoider. I mean, I glance in the morning to make sure that all my bits are covered, my hair is somewhat orderly, and that I don't have anything in my teeth. But other than that, I tend to run in the opposite direction of them. But lately, after putting on an outfit, I'll glance in the mirror and something will catch my eye to make me linger a bit longer. I can actually see now that I look different. That my top belly tire (I'm lucky enough to have a spare set, woo!) is less pronounced. It doesn't stick out quite so far anymore.

I'm looking in the mirror and actually stopping to see that...I look better! I haven't gone so far as to say that I look "good", but I'm definitely better. Things fit differently. The jeans I bought back in October fit me much better. There are real changes going on up in here. And even if it's hard for me or anyone else to recognize, it's really there. It's really happening. And it's only going to get better from here.

Wednesday Weigh-In

Last Week: 247.8
This Week: 247.8
No change

And I'm all, "eh, whatever" about that right now. It's not a gain, and it would have been nice to see the numbers I was seeing on Monday after a weekend of being so sick that I didn't eat anything for almost 48 hours. But that is the chance you take with being a daily weigher, and I also knew that once I was feeling better and started eating again, some of that weight would come back. It is what it is - I have too many other things on my mind right now to be disappointed in a wash week.

Would you like to step inside my head? Draz did something similar recently, and I found it fascinating. But really, I just have way too much crap going on and can't focus on any one thing, so I'm gonna write them all down to try to make sense of them. Here's the shit storm that is my mind, in no particular order:

1. Work. I'm not particularly happy in my job and I also don't work as hard as I could. Guilt plus general apathy does not equal the most productive Anna, which creates more guilt. Also, February has been and will continue to be a whirlwind of training events that I just don't have the energy to organize and host. 
2. School. I have seriously hit zero hour with school. My term ends on March 31st, but I have to have all of my "tasks" (19 - yes, you read that right, 19 - papers and one science experiment) finished about a week before that to give them time to get graded. How many of my 19 papers and one science experiment do I have finished? Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. None. And it's all my fault. 
3. Moving. I haven't really talked about this at all because I have a really hard time forming words around it. After MANY protests and tears, I have finally agreed for our family to move in with my husband's parents. For an unspecified amount of time, but probably at least a year. There is so much emotion surrounding this for me that I could probably write a year's worth of blog posts about it. I'm grateful that they're willing to take us in, but apprehensive and anxious about the change. Suffice it to say, I just don't want to do it.
4. Moving Logistics. In addition to the fact that moving in with my in-laws is not high up on my bucket list, there is A LOT  of work that has to be done in order for it to be possible. All by April 30th. The in-laws and The Hubs have to strip out a storage area down to the bare insulation and completely renovate the room. They have to add heat to one side of the house. They have to run wiring for internet. They have to go through three large rooms of accumulated gark and sort/store it all. Then we have to pack up our entire apartment and either move it to what storage area they have left or to a storage unit. I am paralyzed by the weight of it all and can't really see how it is all going to work out right now. 
5. Valentine's Day. Probably the least of my worries right now, but something that keeps nagging my brain like a gnat on speed. I completely forgot about the holiday until I started hearing all the commercials on the radio. And now it's the day before and I will have to brave the Hallmark store with all the last-minute husbands. 
6. Over-Estimating Time Constraints. Again. Sometime in January, I decided to make a gift for a person who may or may not currently be reading this blog. The time to deliver the gift is rapidly approaching and said gift is nowhere near complete. I had time, then I still had time, and now I have no time. I have been stressed out about it and working on it like a mad woman every day at lunch and after work. Mom guilt is killing me right now because my eyes are plastered on this project all night instead of on my kid. The Hubs has been super helpful, though, with trying to keep Logan Man occupied so I can make some progress. As of right now, I believe I will be able to finish it in time, but it is going to be very close. Probably something like crocheting the last of the Christmas dish cloths at 3 am Christmas morning. Something like that. 
7. A Rapidly Approaching 5k. It's coming and I'm not ready for it. I have been so lazy/preoccupied with other things that I haven't given much time or thought to training. I am sad to say that I haven't been back to the fitness center since those two days in a row sometime back in January. I need to suck it up and take five minutes at night to put my lunch and workout clothes together so that I can get some training done. However, if I train during lunch, I can't work on my gift project during lunch. So right now, because the gift deadline is much closer than the 5k deadline, gift is winning. 
8. Crappy Sleep and Vivid Dreams. I haven't been sleeping well lately, and it seems like when I finally get to sleep, all I'm doing is having very vivid dreams about things that I don't want to think about. So even when I'm sleeping, I'm stressed out. I am exhausted and feel like I just can't win. 

I can't think of anything else right now, but this almost qualified for a Ten Things Thursday...maybe I should have saved it for tomorrow. Oh well. It's here now, so it stays. 

This is just one of those oh so joyous times in life where it just seems like everything is being piled on top of me so fast that I can't dig out and can't breathe. I know that it will all work out, and I keep trying to remind myself that once the gift is finished, I can work on the school and the 5k. And once The Hubs' parents get rooms cleared out, I can start packing and moving our crap ton of stuff. And once May 1st comes around, everything on that list except for work and my crazy dreams will have come and gone. Nothing is permanent. These things are temporary. 

It's all temporary. Right?

New Food Find

Strapped for cash and time yesterday, I ran to Kroger to find something for lunch. And maybe these little babies have been out for years, but I just discovered them yesterday, and I'm in love.

Lunchables Snack Duos - and before we go any further, nope. This isn't a sponsored post. I just ran into these and wanted to share.

Anyhoo...they come in packs of two, but I had already ripped into one in the above picture, and at my Kroger, the two pack was $1.99 on sale. I believe the tag said $2.49 regularly priced.

What I love:

• Small portion. Perfect for a quick lunch.
• Small pieces. No dicing required, and less risk taking too big bites. 
• Assembly required. My favorite thing about Lunchable-type meals. Makes a little food take a long time, so you feel like you're eating more. 
• 150 calories and 8 grams of protein. 

What I don't love:

• Processed, processed, processed. Ham with water and "smoke flavor" added, "Pasteurized Prepared Cheese Product". Blech. (But boy do all those chemicals taste good...)
• Ran out of mini Ritz crackers well before I ran out of meat or cheese. Come on, guys! 

All in all, I know that there are healthier, more natural options available, but for quick, convenient, and low-cal, this will do. I also bought the turkey and  mozzarella variety, but have yet to give it a try. 

What have you guys found as a great quick meal/snack option? Share, please! 

Wednesday Weigh-In and an Embarrassing Story

Two Weeks Ago: 249.6 lb (I forgot to weigh in last week, oops!)
This Week: 247.8 lb
Loss: 1.8 lb

Inching closer and closer to new territory! Can't wait to get around 245 and start hitting new weight loss ground. My total loss now from my highest weight is 33.2 pounds down, and I'm exactly 16 pounds down from my pre-op diet weight. Wooty doo! It's been a slow, but sure, process.

And I know you really clicked on the link to hear my embarrassing story, didn't you? Don't lie...

So, I'm adjusting to my recent fill, plus it's TOM, and I think that's all adding up to me being REALLY tight. I've been getting stuck a lot and PBed a couple times since Saturday. This morning, I was heading to one of our stores to do some training, and stopped at a drive thru to get some breakfast. I made sure to park and eat so I wasn't rushed. I took small bites. I chew, chew, chewed. And I thought I was okay. A little uncomfortable in the chest, but I thought I was going to be fine. Plus, I needed to get on the road since I was about 30 miles away from the store.

I got on the highway and all of a sudden, the pressure in my chest started to get worse. And worse. And worse. And of course, I was on a stretch without any exits or rest areas. And this whole time, I'm thinking, "Please don't throw up. Please don't throw up. Please just go down. OH MY GOD, GO DOWN!!!"

All of a sudden, I knew that there was no alternative. I was just going to have to stop on the side of a VERY busy, VERY major highway, and get out. Even if I just walked around, maybe that would help a little bit. So I pulled over, put my flashers on, and got out. No sooner had I gotten to the grass, when up it all came. Slime and all. In plain view of many, many passing cars and semis.

Oh how I wish I had someone there to hold my hair and keep it from flying back in my face as I PBed. And also, puking into the wind = not fun. Just so you know. I don't recommend it.

And of course, after all was said and done, I had no choice but to get back into my car, get to the store, and train a bunch of new associates like nothing had happened.

This morning was a bad morning. Bad, bad morning.

Unsettled

Lots of things going on right now which are all adding up to a general feeling of unease and yuckiness.

I went in for my third fill on Saturday. My first two fills were easy peasy mac n' cheesy. I would go in, tell Kim about my experiences, she'd put me up on the table, find my port, stick me once, and the whole experience would be over in less than five minutes.

For some reason, things didn't go so smoothly this time. She could feel my port, and when she went to stick me, I could feel her hit the hard plastic side of it. So she kept moving the needle a bit and trying to get it in, but couldn't. This process repeated three times before she was finally able to get the needle in the port.

Not a pleasant experience. But I'm not bruised at all like I thought I was going to be, so there's that.

Then, I had asked her to pull all the liquid out to measure it because I wanted to see where it was at. Ever since my first fill, I've had a nagging feeling in the back of my head that my band is leaking. It could TOTALLY be paranoia (and that's what I'm hoping you all will tell me), but when she first measured the liquid in my band, she told me there was 0.9 cc in it from surgery. That seemed a little odd to me, that the doctor wouldn't put a round number in. But I'm guessing that it's possible for 0.1 cc to stay in the band/tubing and not come out?

And then, it has been my experience that I feel some sort of restriction for a bit, but it eventually wanes. Now, again, that could just be the saline settling in the band and everything getting used to being in there or whatnot.

So anyway, I asked her to pull the saline out and measure it. According to my past fills, I should have had 8.4 cc in my band, plus the 1.0 cc she was adding at the time, for a total of 9.4 cc. When she took all the fluid out to measure it (including the additional 1.0 cc), I was only at 8.2 cc.

What the eff?!

Now, I don't know if she was just trying to keep me from panicking, or what, but Kim didn't seem to be too worried. She said that sometimes they get the numbers mixed up, or add wrong, or whatever. But I didn't get my numbers mixed up. I went with what you told me you were putting in there. So unless there's a big number of saline stuck in my band/tubing that didn't come out, or you didn't put in what you said you were putting in, it looks to me like I have a leak.

What do you do if you have a leak?!

Naturally, I'm freaking out. Even though Kim isn't. I went ahead and made an appointment for another fill on March 2nd, and she said we would measure it again then to see how it is doing.

Somebody please tell me I have nothing to worry about.

What Goes Down...

...must come up.

Or, alternatively titled: "A Sucker Punch from Tim Gunn: No Longer a PB Virgin"

So.

Sooooooooo.

Yeah.

If you haven't guessed by now, I PBed at lunch today.

Nope. Not this. 

For those of you who read my blog who aren't banded - allow me to present to you a crash course in Bandster Vocabulary 101:

Stuck: When you eat the wrong types of food and/or eat too fast and/or take too big of bites and/or don't chew thoroughly enough, food literally gets stuck in the small banded space in your stomach and can't/wont go through. For me, this feels like some serious pressure in my chest, bubbling up into my esophagus and throat. It makes it difficult for me to breathe and talk. Being stuck leads to "sliming".

Sliming: After getting food significantly stuck in your band, your body automatically starts creating copious amounts of saliva in order to aid the process of making the food move in one of two directions. For me, this process also contributes to making it difficult to talk, as saliva starts collecting and I feel the need to spit or swallow. (Yes, I can hear all the twelve-year-old boys snickering.) Stuck + Sliming can lead to the dreaded PB.

PB: Stands for "Productive Burp" and is the technical term for when you throw up food that has entered your pouch and/or gotten stuck in your band. Technically, a PB is not actually throwing up, because the food never makes it into your real stomach to get digested. A technicality that I didn't really understand until today.
_____

There's no getting around it. It was totally my fault. The trifecta of eating the wrong kinds of foods (hot dog/hot dog bun/shredded cheese), eating too quickly (I wanted to get to a crochet project that I've been slaving away at), and not chewing thoroughly enough (see "eating too quickly".)

Since my 2nd fill, I've probably gotten truly stuck about four times. And when I do, it's because of all of the above reasons. Fortunately, I had been able to "work it out" each of those previous times, and the food went down instead of coming back up. Not today, my friends.

I will spare you the gory details except to say that apparently it was the shredded cheese that did me in. Because that's what came back up, still looking remarkably like shredded cheese. (Gross, I know.) I think I was just eating it too fast and not chewing it up well enough, so it kind of just compacted and congealed into a big ol' ball that made my band it's home. O.U.C.H.

A couple of days ago, I was finally able to get a fill scheduled for this Saturday. And I know that when I go there and answer my little questionnaire, I'm going to have to tell them that I've gotten stuck four times and PBed once. On paper, that doesn't exactly look like I need a fill, but the thing is, I know I need one. I know I'm not in the green zone. I think I'm close, but I'm still able to eat way too much when I'm doing things the right way. I'm hoping I'll be able to explain all that to Kim on Saturday, too.

It's just so much harder to do the whole "mindful eating" thing than I think I was expecting it to be. It requires true diligence and focus. It's frustrating to know that being stuck and PBing can generally be prevented and that I do it to myself. I really need to remember that more often, because I don't really want to do this whole PBing thing again. It was totally no fun.

That Tim Gunn really knows how to sock it to a girl!

A (Very Literal) Scale Victory

We weight loss bloggers tend to write a lot about Non-Scale Victories (NSVs), and save our Literal Scale Victories for weigh in days. Nuh-uh. Not today, sistas. I have a very literal scale victory and I'm going to share it with you. And it's not even a Wednesday weigh-in day.

Okay, so I've droned on and on about the company fitness center, and the classes, and the trainer, and blah blah blah. It's all good stuff - great for general health and well being.

But there's also a more sinister component to that room...

Cue mystery music here...dun dun duuuuuun! 

(Oh, and in this picture, you can also see the comfy couch that I use when I'm crocheting during my lunch breaks. LOL)

Anyway, that damn doctor's scale. It has not been my friend. Every day that I weigh, it usually weighs me in about 2-3 pounds heavier than my scale at home. And, unfortunately, with that scale being in a public place, and at work, I can't exactly weigh in in the buff, like I usually do. So I know that a portion of the weight difference is in the clothes I'm wearing.

But still, it's a big, fat bummer to weigh in under 250 at home and then come in to work and weigh more than that every day. I have been patiently waiting for the day that I was far enough away from 250 at home to literally tip the scales under 250 at work.

And TODAY WAS THAT DAY, kids.

Today was the day when I stepped on that scale, fully clothed, and pushed the big 50 pound weight over...50...100...150...200...250. Then I moved that little single pound weight thingy allllll the way over to zero, and bonk. Too heavy!

So I slid that happy little 50 pound weight back to 200, and slid the single pound weight thingy almost allllll the way over in the other direction, and blahdow! I'm under 250 fully clothed on a "real" scale. Holy shitballs. (Pardon my French.)

For some reason, it is so much huger (it's a word now) to weigh in under 250 on this scale than it is on my digital guy at home. I think it's the tactile-ness (again, a word) of it. The fact that you physically have to move the weights over to balance the scale. And the fact that ever since I first set foot on that damn thing, I have automatically slid it all the way over to 250, then even farther up the small scale. So moving that 50 pound weight back to the left about an inch just feels so enormous to me.

Peace out, 250s. Don't expect a postcard, because I will NOT be missing you. Oh, and tell your friend 240 that I'm coming for a visit soon!

Wednesday Weigh-In and a NSV!

Last Week: 250.2 lb
This Week: 249.6 lb
Loss: 0.6 lb

Huzzah! The 240's! Finally.

I'm not comfortable hovering so close to the 250s, so hopefully I can get my eating and exercise together this week to make sure I get as far away from the 250s as possible. But, yay! 240s!

I only made it to the fitness center those two days last week. Stupid training got in the way. And even though our fitness center is open both before and after work, I'm not willing to make the changes that it would require to do so.

My MIL drives about 45-50 minutes every morning to come to our apartment and watch Logan every day. This means she's leaving her house at about 6:15 am to be at my house in time for me to leave for work. I'm not willing to ask her to leave an hour earlier so that I can get a workout in. She does so much for us already, and the drive is hard enough. I don't think she'd be willing to do it, and frankly, I'm not willing to ask her to.

And as far as after work is concerned, technically, I could do that. The Hubs is home with Bubber Man, and I know that he wouldn't mind if I stayed late a couple nights per week. However, my drive home is about 45 minutes. If I stay an hour late to work out, I wouldn't get home until at least 6:45. Logan goes to bed between 8 and 9, and I like to spend as much time with him as possible, because, you know, he's my kid. 

And I guess, if you were going to go all Jillian Michaels "no excuses" on my ass, the second one would really just be an excuse as to why I don't want to work out at night. Technically, I would still get to see my kid, even if it were only for an hour or two. To some people, that might be enough. Or exercising might be so important that it trumps kid time. No judgement here, but that's not me. Call it an excuse if you want, but my baby is only a baby once, and he's already growing up so fast that I just can't imagine missing any more of it than I already do.

Ah, mother's/wife's/employee's guilt. We're having fun, aren't we?

So, that pretty much leaves lunch time workouts for me. Except for the fact that the fitness trainer does classes from 12 to 1 and 1 to 2. So what I was doing last week, was taking a super early lunch from 11 to 12 and working out then, while I had the facility mostly to myself, and then eating my lunch at my desk after. I'm okay with this set up, so that's the plan for now.

Wow. This post went somewhere I wasn't planning on going. LOL

Oh! My NSV! I almost forgot...

Probably 8 years ago, I bought a grey peacoat. And it basically fit until I got super pregnant in late 2010. After that, and even after having Logan, it buttoned no more. Like, I couldn't even sausage myself into the thing. None of the buttons would close without fear of one popping off and taking someone's eye out. So, winter of 2011, I bought a new, much larger, coat and have been wearing it ever since.

Until today, baby!

I'm back in the peacoat! And nobody is in danger of losing an eye! Thirty one and a half pounds down and the coat is back with a vengeance.

Can I get an amen?!

Well, Drat.

Last Week: 250.0 lb
This Week: 250.2 lb
Gain: 0.2 lb

And, again: well, drat.

I'm frustrated. Disappointed. SO FLICKING OVER THE 250s!

I really thought I'd see the 240s today, what with finally getting my butt on the treadmill and such. What the eff, man?! I mean, yes, I know it's only 0.2 lb, and I know it's not that big of a deal in the long run, but DUDE. I wanted a loss. I wanted OUT of the 250s forever. So bummed.

Also, in the "wow, I didn't plan that well, did I?" column, I decided to take today as a rest day, thinking I would get back in the fitness center on Thursday and Friday. I didn't pack clothes, shoes or lunch today. And then I got to work, looked at my calendar, and realized that I've got training videotaping literally ALL day both Thursday and Friday. No working out for me, since I have to do it on my lunch break. UGH.

I know that I've mentioned (a zillion times now) that we have a fitness center about 100 feet away from my desk, and that I have been super good at ignoring it for the past year. Did I ever mention that we also have a free personal trainer who does fitness classes several times a week? Yes, insert cone of shame here. Not only did I ignore the equipment, but I've spent the last year dodging an incredibly perky (but nice) lady who insists on stopping me to "chat" about coming to her classes. She's nice and all, but she's totally like one of those foreign guys who works at the weird lotion kiosks in the mall - you know who I'm talking about? The guys that hound you as you walk by and try to get you to stop so they can put weird products on your hair and nails so you will buy it? That's her, only not foreign, and "selling" fitness classes instead of lotions.

She came into the fitness center yesterday while I was doing my half 5k, and after I finished, she chatted me up again about her classes and how they could help me with my 5k training and blah, blah, blah. I'm sorry, lady, but I really don't want to do "wind sprints", whatever those are, and ab workouts and bozu or beezu or bagoo, or whatever the hell that half-ball balance thingy is.

I just want to get on the treadmill with Pandora's Cardio Dance station, and ignore the fact that at any minute any one of my coworkers could walk by the glass doors and see me in all my sweaty, jiggly glory. Maybe one day doing those things with a group of co-workers will sound fun, but today is NOT that day.

And also, for the past two days, I've had company while working out. In the form of a twenty-something, very fit, gentleman who hops on the treadmill and literally runs for an hour, then gets off and does strength training. All the while in very inappropriate shorts. Bright orange, and seriously, did you shop in the wrong department? Because I'm pretty sure if they ride up any higher in the middle, your junk is going to catch a breeze. It is so hard not to stare. One, because I'm in awe of the fact that he jumps on the treadmill and straight runs for so freaking long, and two, because I just can't see how shorts that short can be comfortable. Especially for a man.

Adventures of the fat lady in the fitness center...

Wahoo!

So the back's still screwy, which is no fun at all. But, I did get to the work fitness center both yesterday AND today! (Cue gasp!)

Yesterday, I forced myself to do the whole 3.1 miles, since it has been over three years since I moved that distance.

Wow. It was HARD.

Seven weeks to birthday 5k. Ain't nobody got time for clear pictures!

Ignore the sad time. 

I walked the VAST majority of that, and ran a teenytiny bit. I did it, but I felt like total crap afterward. Like, seriously, chills and shakes and falling asleep at my desk. So, methinks I may have over done it a bit. Blah.

Today, though, I went in and just walked at (what is to me) a brisk pace - 3.3 speed for most of the time. And I stopped after 1/2 an hour. I got more than half a 5k done in that time, and I felt GREAT afterward! Energized and happy, and excited. Not like I wanted to die a slow, painful death at my desk.

I have every intention of working up to the full 3.1 miles again, because I know that only doing half 5ks won't help me at all when it comes time for the Shamrock Shuffle. But I loved the feeling I had today after my workout. I'm going to stick with the brisk walk, half 5ks for this week and then see how I feel next week. At the very least, it's movement.

I've been doing pretty well on food, too. Not really feeling the restriction as much anymore, but I'm trying to focus on eating less carbs and watching my night time snacking. Hoping it will show at tomorrow's weigh in!

How YOU Doin'?

We're almost two full weeks into 2013 now, so I figured it's a good time to check up on my 2013 Commitments. If you'll remember, I came up with a list of six "commitments" (not "resolutions", patooey!) in this post. Here's how they're shaping up so far:

1. Fills every two weeks until "sweet spot": Even though I've had a couple stuck episodes since my last fill, I still don't think I'm where I need to be. I can still eat MUCH more than I'm comfortable with, and the weight has been just kind of hovering since then. I do think I need another fill, and I would totally go in this Saturday, but they're booked up. Boo! I can't go during the week because I have no vacation/sick time until the end of April, and they don't have late hours. And now they're telling me they're not open every weekend anymore, but only "certain" weekends during the month. So I have to get with them and find the next available weekend that I can go in for a fill. Blargh. 
2. Bringing my lunch to work: I'm actually doing pretty well with this. I brought a couple times the first week, twice last week, and I packed today. With Commitments number 4 and 5, I am going to have to bring my lunch more because I won't have time to actually take a lunch at work. More on this below. 
3. At least one 5k: In progress! I signed up for the Shamrock Shuffle on March 9th (my 31st birthday, by the way. Gifts accepted.) Knowing that a 5k is paid for and looming over my head means that I actually need to prepare for it a little bit so that I'm not COMPLETELY miserable the whole time. See below. 
4. Moving more/acknowledging work fitness center: See above. I've had a slight hiccup on this one, since I seem to have shaken my booty a tad too hard on Just Dance 4, and found my way into a herniated disk flare-up. I am noticing that the flare up isn't as bad as it had been when I was 30 pounds heavier, but it's still no fun. So I'm babying things for now, but The Hubs and I did take Bubbers on a 30 minute walk over the weekend, and I brought clothes/shoes/etc. to get some treadmill time in at the fitness center today in preparation for my upcoming birthday 5k. Lookie there, all prepared and shit. 
5. Following the bandster rules: My fill has really forced me to comply with several of the rules - eating slowly, taking small bites, and chew chew chewing. I find that I'm sure to get stuck if I bite into something rather than cut it up and use a fork to eat it. I guess I just can't gauge a "small" bite by actually biting into it. I'm still having difficulties with no drinking while eating. One, because I hate the gross feeling of food in my mouth, and two, because I'm trying really hard to get water in, and find it difficult to do if I have to "lose" a few hours of prime drinking time because of eating. It's all new to me and I'm still working it all out. 
6. Focusing more on school: Excuse me while I hide in a corner. I have until the end of March before this term is over and I haven't. accomplished. anything. GAH! I'm stuck in this math class and I can't get past it. And it just makes me frustrated so that I don't even want to acknowledge its existence. But I have to get my butt in gear if I ever want to move forward and away from my current job. Blargh.  

All in all, I think I'm doing pretty well for two weeks in. This week starts my 5k prep, and even though my back is one unhappy little camper, I'm still going to try to get in there and get a t5k (treadmill 5k) done 3-4 days this week. I guess we'll see how it goes today, but I'm hoping it will actually HELP my back instead of hurt it more. 

Did you make any commitments or resolutions? If so, have you checked your progress? How is it going? 

TTT

Thanks, Laura Belle, for the wonderful-ness that is Ten Things Thursday. Wherein I get to take the lazy way out and still feel like a good blogger.

 1) Work is nutso. Part of my hodge podge of a job description involves recording training videos. I spent the last two full days recording. And I mean, literally, videotaping seminars from 8 am to 5:30 pm. It is exhausting and no fun.

 2) Speaking of work, I got "spoken to" today about the fact that I come in between 5 to 20 minutes late every day. Bummer.

 3) My work to do list is re-donk. Just shoot me now.

 4) No stuck episodes since Tuesday's lunch! Huzzah! And thanks for the comments on the last post. I am in agreement with y'all. No unfill for this lady. Just a whole bunch of slow down and small bites for me! Seems to be working now.

 5) My spaz of a 2-year-old has decided that any time between 3:45 and 6:30 am is a great time for a crib party. Seriously. All week long, he has woken up between these hours and has a grand old time carrying on a conversation with himself. It wouldn't be such a big deal if his head and my head weren't separated by about 4 inches of paper-thin wall.

 6) I have an official goal to weigh in at 231 by my March 9th birthday. It's a slightly crazy goal that would require me losing more than two pounds a week, but I really think that with my new-found restriction and upping the exercise ante (which I haven't done yet, oops!) I might be able to do it. Or at least get super close. If you will recall, my highest NPR (non-pregnant recorded) weight was 281, in March of last year. If, by my birthday, I get to 231, it will be 50 pounds down in a year. Which would be total awesomesauce, if you ask me.

 7) I had to change the comment settings for my blog because I am getting SO MANY spam comments! It is so frustrating! Hopefully, the change that I made (allowing only registered users to comment) will stop the stupid spammers, but not be as frustrating to y'all as if I had turned on word verification. I really HATE word verification, and it's the last option for me as far as this goes. So let me know if you have issues commenting, please!

 8) The Hubs and I are going to see "Shrek: The Musical" on the 18th. I'm super excited for this because {1} It's Shrek! and {2} The Hubs actually agreed to go to the theater with me, which is like a "hell froze over" kind of event!

 9) I know I've said this recently, but the whole learning how to follow bandster rules thing? It's hard. But I'm kind of glad that I had two stuck episodes, because I'm so much more careful now about chewing and small bites-ing since I know that pain. And me no-likey the pain.

10) Biggest news of all: I done gone and did it. I signed up for my first 5k of 2013!!! On my birthday, no less! So even though it will definitely be cold, and there's the possibility that there will be snow - believe me, we've had blizzards on my birthday weekend in March before - I will be at the Shamrock Shuffle, shufflin' my 5k worth of buns off. And it's already paid for and everything. So I have to do it now! I've got about 8 weeks to get my butt in gear, so we definitely need to come up with a plan up in here. But I'm super excited to get back into running, and to have a goal to work toward. Woo! 

A Fill is a Wonderful Thing

Last Week: 252.6 lb
This Week: 250.0 lb
Loss: 2.6 lb

Two point six el-bees, y'all! So excited! And finally realizing what it's like to have the band. Up until this last fill, there wasn't much of anything going on in there, so I began to wonder if it really was going to do what everyone says it would do.

Um, yeah. It will.

Getting such a large fill might not have been the BEST idea in the world, because I have had a few bumps in the road. It was like I went from nothing to EVERYTHING overnight, so I had to learn to REALLY follow the bandster rules. And it has been a serious adjustment.

I got stuck.

Twice.

So far.

I can't eat as absentmindedly as I have been able to since surgery. That was proven to me on Monday night, when I sat down to eat next to my two year old. While trying to make sure he doesn't eat nothing but ketchup, or knock the tv tray over, or steal food off of my plate, I just started scarfing things down. Oh, bad idea.

Sthuck! Stuck! Stuuuuuck!

So I had to get up, let The Hubs finish with Logan, and pace around my bathroom for about 20 minutes. I wiggled and lifted my arms above my head, and stretched, and paced, and panicked and sweated. But I never PB'ed.

Then yesterday, we had lunch provided by our company. I don't know if it was the fact that it was fried chicken, or that I was at a table full of associates and we were talking and scarfing food down, and laughing, etc. Either way, it was Stuck City again. And this time it was PAINFUL. I was praying to PB this time, and spent about 45 minutes pacing, stretching, and staking out a bathroom stall. Still never PB'ed, and eventually everything worked its way through.

Last night, I concentrated hard on paying attention. I had some homemade chili with cheese and oyster crackers. I used one of Bubbers' small spoons. I took my time. I ate small bites. I chewed like my life depended on it. And I didn't get stuck.

This morning, same thing. I got a sausage, egg and cheese biscuit from Tim Hortons. Took off the biscuit and cut the sausage, egg and cheese into tiny bites. Slowed down. Paid attention. And I didn't get stuck.

I'm still on the fence as to whether I'm truly too tight, or whether I can still eat normal foods as long as I just make myself pay attention. I have to decide by Friday if I want an unfill, because it will be free until then, or $75 after.

What say you, smart banded bloggers? If it were you, would you unfill a bit? Or stay here? I gotta say, I'm loving the weight loss portion of this whole predicament! Decisions, decisions...

2nd Fill

Hey all - I haven't been posting much because everything is just kind of floating along. Noting big, nothing monumental. Just life.

I had my second fill on Saturday morning, and I'm SO GLAD I went. My practice makes you fill out a form every time you come in for an adjustment, where you have to tell them whether you think you are too tight or too loose, and give them specific examples of meals you're eating and such. Kim read my form and said, "Wow...you need a fill, huh?!" Love her.

So I told her how I felt a smidge of something for about two days after my first fill, and she said that that gave her some good information. She said, "I'm thinking about giving you 3, what do you think about that?" And I was super excited because I was hoping for 3, but didn't think she would let me have that much.

So now I've got a total of 8.4 cc in my 14 cc band, and I'm totally feeling it. For now, at least. We'll see if it goes away like the last one did, but this definitely feels different. I'm having to take my time with eating and drinking, and I'm feeling full pretty quickly. I really can't tell right now if I'm too tight, too loose, or just right, but I think within a week, I will be able to feel it out.

All I can say right now is that I'm glad I'm actually feeling SOMETHING in there. Tim Gunn is finally making it work!

Have a great week, all!

New Year, New Choices...and a Wednesday Weigh In

Last Week: 254.2
This Week: 252.6
Loss: 1.6 lb

Well, Happy New Year to me! I wasn't expecting a good number today, what with all the holiday mumbo jumbo going on. 1.6 pounds is awesome, and I'm super happy with it. I finally hit my first mini goal of 10 pounds down since starting the pre-surgery diet. (Which would have been at 253.8, so I kind of just blew through that one!) But I didn't quite make it to my goal of losing 30 pounds in my 30th year - just 28.4.

Wait.

Just 28.4? JUST TWENTY EIGHT FRACKING POUNDS?! Anna! Get your head out of your ass! You lost more than 28 pounds last year! That is amazing! And way better than gaining weight every. single. year. of your life like you HAD been doing.

(Okay, okay, voices in my head...28.4 pounds is A LOT and I'm freaking awesome. Better?)

Ahem...anyway...

And so, for the first time I can literally ever remember, I'm starting this year weighing significantly less than the last. And it feels awesome. And I can't wait to see what is to come. Here are my commitments for 2013:

• I have a fill on Saturday, and I'm committing to fills every two weeks until I get to where I need to be. No more wasting this tool (and my money!)
• I'm committing to bringing my lunch more to work. I'm not going to say a specific number of times or anything, but that I will bring it more. Which shouldn't be hard, because I can probably count on both hands the number of times I brought lunch to work last year. 
• I'm committing to at least one 5k. Even if I have to train and run it by myself, I'm doing one. 
• I'm committing to moving more. My Mom bought me Just Dance 4 for the Wii, and I've busted a few moves and busted out some sweat, so that will be one of my options. As a tiny little side commitment attached to this one, I'm committing to stop ignoring the fact that my workplace has a fitness center that I walk right past several times a day.
• I'm committing to following the bandster rules. Even the ones I hate. *cough*Nodrinkingwhileeating*cough*
• I'm committing to focusing more on school. Gotta get that done in order to leave my crappy current job. 

My favorite commitment this year is that I'm committing to have more fun. Because as Ferris Bueller said,

 "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you might miss it."

Post Holiday Jumble (and a "Wednesday" Weigh In)

Today's weigh in is a day late because I was nowhere near a scale yesterday. Which is probably a good thing.

Last Week: 255.0
This Week: 254.2
Loss: 0.8 lb

I am actually AMAZED at the loss. I can (and have) eaten pretty much anything I want, so I am totally going to take that 0.8 lbs and run with it. That's 9.6 pounds in 9 weeks, which doesn't sound like a lot, but averages out to a little more than a pound per week. And, hell, it's a loss! Anything is better than what I have been doing up until this point, which is gaining weight every single year. Even if it's slow, and even if it jumps around and I (temporarily) gain some back, it averages out to a loss. In the end that's all that matters to me.

And dear Jeebus, I need a fill. I had one scheduled for 12/22, but we couldn't part with the money so close to Christmas. It's rescheduled for 01/05, so only a week and a half away.

Other things: Christmas was good. We've technically had 5 Christmases so far, with one more to come on Saturday. Plus, Logan is getting birthday gifts mixed in with the Christmas ones, so the kid is making out like a bandit. He's having a ton of fun this year being Santa's helper and handing out gifts to each person, then once he delivers the gift, he starts opening it for them. Handler's fee, I suppose.

This is my Bonus Mom's Christmas tree. It is gorgeous every single year, and it takes her an entire weekend to do. Every single ornament is perfectly placed, and she even "hides" ornaments inside the tree toward the center to add dimension and a little surprise while you're looking. There are so many ornaments - every year I see new ones I didn't know she had.

Oh, and see that highly fragile, ceramic nativity on the floor? Thanks to my two year old, one of the shepherds is now decapitated (the piece second from the left, behind the laying ox). Logan accidentally knocked the shepherd over and he hit the ox right between the horns, and seriously, it was like a slow motion nativity guillotine...the shepherd's head just made a clean break and rolled across the floor. There was a gasp through the room and then a huge roar of laughter, and poor Bubbers had no idea what had happened! Julie (my bonus mom) says the break was clean and that she can glue it back on, and that the 25 year old nativity has had many repairs throughout the years, so I guess it's no harm no foul, unless you're an unlucky shepherd whose ox turns on you.

The Hubs' big Christmas gift this year was tickets to see Jeff Dunham. I bought the tickets back in October and have been itching to tell him since. It was priceless to see him take them out of the bottom of his stocking on Christmas morning and realize that we were going to see him the next day! It worked out really well that Jeff was doing a show close to us, and so close to Christmas, so I didn't have to give him a Christmas present he couldn't use until June or something.

Of course, we got a "blizzard" yesterday, too. So there was a whole anxiety thing about whether or not they were going to cancel the show, and if they didn't, whether the roads would be good enough for us to get there. In the end, we decided that we didn't want to waste our 7th row tickets and would brave the roads. We left 3 hours early for a trip that would normally take 40 minutes. The roads were fine, and we ended up where we needed to be early enough to enjoy a yummy steak dinner at Longhorn.

7th row, baby!

Breakin' the law and sneaking a pic.

The show was great. The Hubs told me later that he hasn't laughed that hard in a long time and that it was totally worth the expense. One thousand Awesome Wife Points for me! Huzzah!

We had such a good time and laughed so hard, and then when we were walking back to our car last night, I saw that I had two missed calls from The Hubs' mom. The mood instantly changed and we both knew it wasn't good that his mom had called twice after 10 pm. Jack's Great Grandma (Bubbers' Great, Great Grandma) had recently been sent home from the hospital after doctors told her there wasn't anything else they could do to treat her Stage 4 cancer. We knew she didn't have long, and on Christmas Eve, the doctors said she had about 48 hours to live. I guess they knew what they were talking about, because she passed sometime in the evening yesterday.

We're all very sad since we had just seen her this summer at her 90th birthday party looking sharp as ever. She was doing well at that point and responding to therapy. And we were able to get one more Five Generations picture with her then:

Five Generations: Logan, The Hubs, Grandma, Great Grandpa, and Great Great Grandma

Rest in peace, Grandma Mays. We love you.

Wednesday Weigh-In

Last Week: 256.6 lb
This Week: 255.0 lb
Total Loss: 1.6 lb

Now that's more like it!

You should have seen the comedy in my bathroom this morning as I was weighing, though. Normally, I'm a "one and done" weigher. Whatever I see on the scale the first time is what I take. But this morning, when I stepped up, the first reading was 253.8. Now, while that's a totally awesome number and I would TOTALLY take it, I just had a feeling that it wasn't right, so I hopped back on. This is how that process went:

Step on. 255.0. Hmmm, I think I preferred the first one. Step off. Step on. 255.0, Okay, at least we got a double confirmation, guess we'll go with that. Let's brush our teeth and get on with the day. Step off. Teeth and hair brushed, and the scale is RIGHT THERE. Let's just check one more time. Step on. 253.0. WHAT THE CRAP?! Step off. Ok, last time, and then we're hopping off this crazy roller coaster, dude. Step on. 253.0. *facepalm*

Since I know that I didn't do two pounds worth of teeth and hair brushing exercise, I decided just to go with the 255. And this morning when I got to work, I hopped on the doctor scale in our fitness center and weighed 256 with light clothes on, so I'm thinking the 255 was the closest. Whatevs, a loss is a loss is a loss, and I'll so take it. I am accutely aware of my desperate need for a fill, and that is scheduled for bright and early Saturday morning. Hopefully we'll really start seeing those numbers move after that.

In other news:

We finally received our Thomas Kinkade last night. To refresh your memory, we bought it along with another painting back during our anniversary trip to Gatlinburg in October, but it stayed in Tennessee so that we could have it professionally highlighted at the gallery. Our gallery rep sent us pictures of our painting getting highlighted at the event, which I think is really kind of cool to have photo proof and to see it happening.

She did a great job with the highlighting, and it was fun for The Hubs and I to look over the painting last night and try to spot all the areas she did. It really adds some dimension to the canvas, not to mention value, too.

The only bummer is that our frame has 3 pretty noticeable dings on the left side. I have to email our rep the pictures today and see what she says. It's a bummer to have your pretty (and expensive) painting finally home, but not be able to hang it and enjoy! Blargh.

Also in other news: I hate dish cloths with a passion. I have seven more to make, and no time to make them. I have resorted to eating lunch at my desk and then using my full lunch hour to crochet like a madwoman in the break area. Which happens to be directly across from the glass doors to our fitness center, so I'm pretty sure people think I'm some crazy crocheting stalker lady with a fitness fetish. Fun times.

In true Grinchy spirit, I abandoned ship on Christmas cards this year, too. I just had to give SOMETHING up, and cards got the ax. I haven't wrapped a single thing. The Hubs hasn't shopped for me, and can't until we get paid on Friday. Nothing like waiting until the last minute. I have to make birthday cupcakes for Sunday (Logan turns the big TWO!), and a pumpkin pie with whipped cream for Tuesday. I have to pack and ship Grandparents gifts, like, yesterday. And we haven't even started the thirty-something ornaments that we're making as part of our gifts this year. Oh, and did I mention that Bubbers got the flu last week and has been miserably and pitifully sick since Thursday? And my MIL, who is our daycare provider, got the flu too, and has not been able to watch the kiddo, so The Hubs has had to take two days off work without pay this week?

I don't know why people keep complaining that the holidays are so stressful.  Pffft.

But we will survive. We will put on happy faces. We will be those parents who are up until 4 am on Christmas Eve putting together the comically large train table for the kiddo. And we will enjoy every. single. minute. of it. Because I have the luxury and gift of being able to watch my child wake up on Christmas morning. And that is a gift that I am so much more aware of and thankful for this year.

There are no words.

Charlotte Bacon, 6

Daniel Barden, 7

Rachel Davino, 29

Olivia Engel, 6

Josephine Gay, 7

Ana Marquez-Greene, 6

Dylan Hockley, 6

Dawn Hochsprung, 47

Madeline Hsu, 6

Catherine Hubbard, 6

Chase Kowalski, 7

Jesse Lewis, 6

James Mattioli, 6

Grace McDonnell, 7

Anne Marie Murphy, 52

Emilie Parker, 6

Jack Pinto, 6

Noah Pozner, 6

Caroline Previdi, 6

Jessica Rekos, 6

Avielle Richman, 6

Lauren Rousseau, 30

Mary Sherlach, 56

Victoria Soto, 27

Benjamin Wheeler, 6

Allison Wyatt, 6

Roller Coaster

Last week: 256.4
This week: 256.6
Gain: 0.2


Blah. I know it's only a small gain, but it's totally disheartening after getting a fill. For the first couple days, I could feel some restriction. I guess it's restriction, anyway - I started feeling that pressure in my chest after eating a bit. But now, it's completely gone. Blah. Blah, blah, blah.

The Hubs and I agreed that since I have to pay for my fills, I can't go back for another one until I get paid again (which is every two weeks), so I'm going to call and try to get a fill appointment for next Saturday. Let's get this baby jacked up!

On another note, and an NSV at that, I've had two people notice and comment on my weight loss this past week. Both were co-workers who don't see me that often, so I guess my almost 30 pounds lost is more noticeable to them. I was super happy to FINALLY have someone notice something.

I've been concerned about going to all the family Christmases in the next couple of weeks. They all know that I've had the band and I'm worried that they're all expecting me to show up looking like a supermodel or something. The one side of the family hasn't seen me in several months, so maybe they will notice something, but the other side sees me pretty frequently and the loss has been so slow...

Oh well. It's my journey and I'm holding steady in the hope that in a couple more months (and with the right fills) they won't have any choice but to notice! Right? Right.

Goal Oriented and other things.

Hello all!

This past weekend was fun - we had our first Christmas party of the season on Saturday. Fun (and dish cloths) was/were had by all. Sunday was our second Christmas party, wherein Logan met Santa for the first time since he could actually acknowledge who he is. He was enthralled by the man in the big red suit! Lots of fun.

I can definitely tell a difference since having my fill on Friday. I don't think that I'm where I need to be, but things are moving in the right direction. I am learning first-hand about how fickle Tim Gunn is, though. At times, I feel full on practically nothing, and at other times, I could (theoretically, of course, because there's no way that this actually happened, *ahem*) eat two whole hot dogs with buns and a couple cookies, and still feel like going back for more. It's a balancing act, and it will take a while to get everything there, I know.

I was thinking earlier today about my goals with this whole weight loss thingy. I really didn't have a set weight goal in mind when I started out. That's mostly because I have steadily gained weight every year of my existence, and it feels impossible for me to say, "Oh, yeah, I'll look and feel great at XXX number." How the heck do I know? I've never been one of those people who dieted and lost a huge amount and was really happy there, but then gained it all back. My yo-yo doesn't yo, yo. So it was really difficult for me to just pick a number out of thin air as a real goal. I mean, I have all these little obvious goals in my head, like, to get to Onederland, and such, but a something-to-strive-to number was rough.

I have since ended up sitting on 175 as a strive-to goal. It's a nice, pretty number, and it's well under 200. We'll see how it feels when we get there, I guess.

I also have a bunch of teeny tiny little mini goals coming up soon (hopefully). The first one I'll hit is at 253.8, which will be 10 pounds down from the start of my pre-op diet. Then 251.0 will be 30 pounds down for the year. Then 249 will be a victory that I can't wait to write a post about, but am keeping it a secret for now. And finally, 246.3 will be the start of all brand new territory for me, as earlier in my weight loss blogging journey, I hit 246.4, and that's as low as she goes went.

I think focusing on these little mini goals that are soclose will hopefully help me stay motivated and feel less bogged down by the impossible-ness that 81.4 pounds to "goal" sounds like. Bit by bit, we'll get there.

What about you? Any mini goals coming up? Or do you stay laser focused on the "big one"?

First Fill - Full of Surprises

Today was the day! I finally got me some fill. (Thank you Jeebus).

The whole experience was full of lots of (mostly pleasant) little surprises...

{1} My nurse read through my surgery report and found where it said my hiatal hernia was larger than 4 centimeters in diameter. Apparently in hiatal hernia world, that's "a biggie", as my nurse put it. I am so glad it's gone! I haven't had one acid reflux-y episode or taken a single Tums since surgery day, and that's totally saying something for the girl who would go through the big container of Tums in 2 weeks.

{2} I don't have to pay for un-fills within a week. This is so awesome, since I'm self pay. Each adjustment is $75 out-of-pocket for me, so the thought of spending the money for a fill and coming back the next day for an unfill and having to shell out ANOTHER 75 big ones? That sucks big ol' sweaty donkey balls. (Pardon the mental image.) So I asked her (Kim is her name, and she's full of awesomesauce) and she said that there's a seven day grace period on fills. If I feel too tight after an adjustment and need to come back to get some taken out, as long as I do it within seven days, it's free! Woot!

{3} I don't have to do full liquids after fills! Kim told me to do soft and mushies today and to be careful tomorrow, but that's it! I stuck to a protein shake on my way into work, just to be sure, but it's awesome to know that I can chew foods today. LOL

{4} Kim let me pick the amount of fill I wanted. She told me that for my first fill in a 14 cc band, she would give me up to 5 cc's. We talked over the pros and cons of going "all out", and I ended up deciding on 4.5 cc's for this one.

{5} 4.5 cc's looks like A LOT of fluid! I saw it in the syringe after she loaded it up and I was totally surprised at how much fluid that is! It seems impossible that there would even be room for 14 cc's around the stomach. But Kim had 12 cc's in her 14 cc band at one time, so I guess people really do get that high.

{6} The needle stick was nothing. Like, the least painful needle-to-the-stomach I've ever had, and I've had a lot of needles to the stomach. Even when I could feel her moving the needle around, it didn't hurt at all. SCORE!

{7} It is much harder than I thought it would be to lift and hold both legs a couple inches in the air. (Outta shape, much?!) I'm not sure if that's what other offices have you do to find the port, but that's what Kim does. I laid down on the table thingy and she asked me to lift and hold both feet up a couple inches. Then she found the port and did the fill, all while my legs were lifted. Man, that was the hardest part of the whole ordeal!

{8} The surgeon DID put some fill in during surgery. I was told that he hadn't, and that I had nothing in there. But when Kim checked, there was 0.9 cc's chilling out in my band. So my 4.5 cc's takes me up to 5.4 cc's total.

{9} The biggest surprise of all - feeling the saline go into the band. I don't know why this was just such a shock to me. Maybe because I've been feeling for a month like I paid $10,000 for nothing but a bunch of scars and a sore port site? As soon as she pushed the saline in, I could feel it restricting in my chest. It was like the first affirmation that, yes, there really IS something in there, and it really DOES something. Kim kept telling me beforehand that you can't really explain it, but it's just a "weird" feeling, and she was so right.

I think that was the most psychologically helpful part of the whole thing - proving to myself that there IS something in there and that it WILL do something. I am so excited about that.

Kim also said that my incisions look great and that my port felt perfect - no twisting or anything.

Super excited to be on the road to the green zone! Of course, I got to work today and my boss a Cookie Elf dropped off a little surprise...a box of Cheryl's cookies and chocolate covered pretzel clusters. I think I'm just going to take these to our first Christmas party tomorrow and pretend like they don't exist. Meh.

DEVIL.

Oh, and I can't leave you today without showing you this ridiculously cute picture from our photo shoot this weekend. If you're in the Cincinnati area - go see Tricia McClure and get your own amazing pictures!

Lady Killer, party of one. 

Have a great weekend, all!

Wednesday Weigh-In

Last week: 257.2
This week: 256.4
Loss: 0.8 lb

Huzzah! Good riddance, 257.2. I hope to never see your stinkin' face numbers again!

It's not a big loss, but for Bandster Hell, I'll totally take it. And (say it with me now...) my first fill is Friday!

I'm super curious about how much they'll give me for a first fill. I have the 14cc APL Lap-Band with nothing in it right now. I'm guessing around 4 cc's would be the jumping off point, but we'll just have to wait and see. I really want to make the most out of my fill visits because I'm paying $75 for each one, but at the same time, I don't want to rush anything either. Meh.

In other news, today's a big-ish day for me at work. I've been co-facilitating a Leadership Series for the past six months, which has really meant me just kind of sitting back and chiming in every once in a while while the other two facilitators do the work. Well, today I'm taking the reins and facilitating the class by myself. Eek and ugh. I just want it to be over with.

Hugs all!

Busy Weekend

December is always a nutso month for us, and lo and behold, it has started.

Just after Logan was born, a friend of mine recommended to us a photographer that she knew. After our first visit for Logan's 3 month pictures, we ended up going back to her for 6, 9, 12/Christmas, 16, and 20-month pictures as well. So Saturday, it was time for 24-month/Christmas/Family Portraits. I'll share when I get them back (copyright is included in the fee we pay), but WOW, was it like herding cats. This was really the first time that Bubs has just really been all over the place and not wanted to sit for ANY pictures. He would sit for one, proclaim that he was "all done!", and run away. I ended up bribing him with blocks for most of the pictures...we'll see how they turn out.

Saturday evening, I attended the Dayton Gay Men's Chorus' Christmas concert at a beautiful church in Downtown Dayton. I won a pair of tickets through a contest, and am so glad I did!

DGMC at Westminster Presbyterian. Check out those organ pipes!

Fuzzy (and covert!) picture of the Men of DGMC.

I took my work colleague (the one who contracts for our company and knows about my band) as my date, and we had a wonderful time. I brought her Christmas gifts (which I don't have pictures of right now, but will post some soon), so she was the first lucky recipient of my crocheted dish cloths. I think they were a hit!

Sunday, Bubs mercifully slept in, so I made us a super yummy scramble for breakfast. It's just simply cooking up a pound of sausage, crumbled, and scrambling it into eggs (I used 7 extra large eggs and it's enough to feed an army), and melting in some shredded cheddar cheese. So good!

Once we had breakfast, we were off to the National Air Force Museum because the Budweiser Clydesdales were visiting. We waited in line for a very long time for the chance to pet one of the beautiful monsters and have our picture taken. Have you ever been near a Clydesdale? They are like the Great Dane's of the horse world. H-U-G-E. And breathtaking. And graceful.

Clydesdales and a Dalmatian. Does it get more Budweiser than that?!

And yes, in that photo, there is one man running THREE horses. 3600 pounds of horse. Amazing. Later, we walked the pens where all the other horses were chilling out, and the saddle section of EVERY horse was taller than my husband!

After we played with the horsies (which Logan loved, by the way), we toured the Air Force museum. I had never been, so that was an interesting (and LONG) trip. In the end, we only made it through two of the three HUGE hangars before my feet and knees were screaming. Luckily, the museum is free, so we can go back some other time to see the third hangar and the fourth one that they will soon be building. All in all, it was a pretty fun trip, even if the weather was dreary.

:  :  :

In other news, my eating has been ok for the past few days. I'm still firmly in Bandster Hell, but my first fill is Friday, so I'm hoping for a little relief then. Also, I'm on my third week back on my Bydureon injection, and I remember from last time that three weeks is about when I started feeling the non-hunger from it. So hopefully that will start kicking in soon, too. 

I had my regular every-three-months appointment with my family doctor on Friday. Her scale was evil and showed 8 pounds up from my scale at home, which is just ridiculous. But, she had the results of my A1c bloodwork (which, if you don't know, an A1c is a measurement for Diabetics. It measures the average sugar level in your blood over the past three months. A non-diabetic "normal" A1c is between 4.5-6.0, and they can go as high as 14, which basically means you're in a coma). My A1c back in March was 8.3, the highest it has ever been. Also, not-so-coincidentally, that was when we recorded my highest weight ever, too. My A1c on Friday was 6.9!!! I was so excited, I made my doctor give me a high five, and she's not a high-fiving kind of person. LOL. I can't wait to get some more of this weight off and see that A1c drop into the normal range. I so want to be off all these meds! 

Have a great week, my lovelies!