"Soy un perdedor, I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?"

("Loser" by Beck)

Well, technically, I'm not a loser. I'm a gainer. As in, I gained .6 pounds since last week. Bah.

But in another sense, technically, I am a loser, since I'm competing in my company's Biggest Loser Challenge starting today. Would you like to know what kind of humiliation this entailed? Well, I'll tell you, because I'm such a good blogger-friend.

First I had to take part in a fasting health screening, which meant nothing but water for me for at least 9 hours before the tests. The good news? The technician didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. My blood sugar was in the "Diabetic" range, surprise, surprise. My 'bad' cholesteral was a little high, but my good cholesteral was really high, so they kind of cancel each other out. My blood pressure was high (for the first time in my life. ever.) but both the technician and I attribute that to some very bad news I got over the weekend. (A close friend of mine suffered a terrible loss, and I'll leave it at that). But anyway, all in all, my health screening went exactly how I thought it would. I'm overweight, I'm diabetic, I have super good cholesterols.

Now, I know you're all sitting there saying, "well, that's not humiliating, now is it?". Just you wait.

After I finished my health screening, I had to go give my $20 entry fee to The Gatekeeper for TBL Challenge. Basically, this person is responsible for collecting the money, collecting the starting weights (by way of an official weigh-in in her office), and keeping a list of everyone who is participating. This is all fine and dandy, unless The Gatekeeper ends up being your boss.

So today, I walked into my boss' office and gave her $20 to watch me step on a scale and record my weight. Great! Best day at the office I ever had! Not.

It's not really a matter of not trusting her to keep things secret. I know she will. Really, it's just the fact that my boss is one of the skinniest people I have ever met, and whether you like to admit it or not, people have opinions and pre-conceived notions about obese people. I know that she could tell that I'm overweight by looking at me, but it's two different things to see someone and say, oh, I bet they weigh such-and-such, than to actually have proof of how much they weigh. I've never been met with anything other than shock when I have disclosed my actual weight to friends. They NEVER think I look like I actually weigh that much, so I can't even imagine the shock of my super-skinny boss when I stepped on that scale and she got the numbers. I'm wondering how it changed her view of me as a person.

Oh, incase you're wondering, here are the numbers. To cut down on the confusion, we're going to stick with my scale weight for this blog, which was 255.6. The scale in my boss' office said 256.2. Like I said earlier, I'm up .6 pounds. Bah.

So, anyway, TBL starts today. There is a mid-point leader prize of at least $100 which will be given away on April 20th, and then on May 18th the winner will get at least $200 and one vacation day. Just incase you're counting, that makes THREE times I get to be weighed by my boss. If you're having a hard time empathizing (is that a word?) for me, just go ahead, try to imagine walking into your boss' office, stepping on a scale, and then having him or her record your weight for prosperity. Three times. Yeah, thought so.

On an "I'm going to look at this whole thing as positively as possible or else I'll die" note, I'm really glad I'm on the Health and Wellness Committee. Being on the Committee has sort of forced me into the spotlight with the whole thing, because I had to speak at the Friday Pep Rally and I'm the one giving out all the TDP info. Everyone at the company knows I'm a part of it, and they expect me to do it and succeed. I need that motivation to keep me going - there's nothing I dread more than failing infront of a bunch of co-workers. Oh, except being repeatedly weighed by my boss. But I digress.

Part of the HWC's plan is to include on-site exercise classes. Starting this week, we've got a trainer from a local gym coming in, bringing all the necessary accoutrements, and teaching a class. Every Tuesday is Boot Camp, and every Thursday rotates between Pilates, Yoga and Total Body Sculpt for the next 10 weeks. I'm doing both classes this week, and I'm trying to recruit as many people as I can to join me. Although, I'm not really excited about shakin' it and getting all sweaty infront of my co-workers...but there could be more embarrassing things. (Like being repeatedly weighed by my boss...are you getting tired of hearing about that yet? :-))

I'll let you know how the classes go...I'm actually really excited about them because they are so convenient. How can you say no to working out at work? I don't have to drive to the gym, and I've got a great group of awesome friends going with me. I have a feeling it's going to be awesome.

In other news, here's what's going on: The Hubs got his financial aid approved to finish his Computer Network Engineering degree. Yay! He's going through the help of a Job Center, so basically that means they will pay for his schooling if he jumps through a bunch of bureaucratic hoops. Apparently he's a great hoop-jumper, because he finally got approved to start Spring Quarter, which begins March 31st. We sat down together last night and worked out his schedule.

Now, while I fully understand that this in no way compares to My Friend Natalie's (MFN from here on out) husband leaving for a year deployment in Iraq in March, I'm pretty damn depressed. He'll be gone Monday - Thursday from 6:30 am until 10:30 pm. He works until 3:45, and then will go straight to school to do homework and such until his night classes every night.

As if that wasn't bad enough, it's pretty much going to be this way for the next 2 years. You know those hoops? Well, he has to go full-time, every quarter (including Summer) until he's finished, and he must finish all of his degree requirements within two years. Yay, fun. I've lost my husband.

Truthfully, though, I know that this is all for the best. The salary in his degree field is pretty much double to triple what he's making now. He's our only hope to ever getting enough money saved up to get a house and get a life. (Me finishing my degree wouldn't change my job/salary situation any). I'm trying super hard not to be sad about everything, because I know it's hard on him already, and I don't want him to feel bad because I'm unhappy. I am happy that he's finally doing it. I'll be even happier when he gets that damn diploma.

So I guess that's it for now. I've spent most of my day answering questions on TDP, and avoiding the one person in the office whose girlfriend works for Sparkpeople. He has it out for me. LOL.

Such is life.

(and I'm really not thrilled about being repeatedly weighed by my boss. Can you tell?)

Have a great week!

"I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad, I got sunshine in a bag..."

(Gorillaz, "Clint Eastwood")

Soooooo....guess what?

Give up?

Thought so. I lost weight! My official weigh-in weight for this week is (drumroll please?!): 255.8! (Okay, so maybe that was a tad dramatic for a 2.8 pound weight loss, but I'm happy, dude!)

What's working for me? Well, a couple of things. First of all, I've broken down my weight loss by month. Meaning, I started at around 260 (that's where I've been hovering for months now, so that's what we're going with), and I want to lose 2 pounds per week, so that's 8 pounds per month. Instead of focusing on that big ol' number in October, I'm focusing on 252. So if that's my goal, I've got 12 days to lose about 4 pounds. Seems easy enough now that I'm actually moving in the right direction!

What else is working? That damn treadmill is kicking my ass! (In the best way possible). I walked/jogged three times this week for an hour each time. I have found that it helps if I take a little 5 minute break at the 1/2 hour mark, and then get right back up and go for another 1/2 hour. According to my treadmill and TDP, I'm burning somewhere between 375-400 calories every hour. And what is helping me make it through an hour on the treadmill? Oy with the Poodles, already - The Gilmore Girls. LOL. It's one of my favorite shows of all time, and I own all of the seasons on DVD. Each one is about 45 minutes long, so one episode gets me almost all the way through a workout. Then I get 15 minutes into a new one and get to relax and watch the rest of it when I'm finished! It's an excellent plan! And since there are 7 seasons, and I just started the 3rd season (for about the 5th time), I've got a long way to go before I run out.

And just to give me that extra little push when I'm struggling on the treadmill, I also posted a sheet of paper under the tv that says 01/31: 252. Just to remind me what I'm working towards. And last night, when I was having a tough time trying to get there, I'd shout to the Hubs (who was on the computer in another room) how much longer I had to go every 5 minutes. "25 more minuuuuutes!!!" and then I'd hear a random "Woo Hoo!" or "Yay!" from the other room. LOL. He kept me going.

I'm starting to get the hang of the whole calorie counting thing. We had dinner with one set of my parents and some family friends (10 of us all together!) Saturday night at Mimi's. I checked out their website for nutritional information and narrowed down my choices before we even got there. (Which meant staying as far away as possible from the bbq baby back ribs - almost 3000 calories in the ribs alone! Eek!) In the end, I chose pretty well, and again limited myself to one piece of bread.

Sunday, I attempted to be Suzie Homemaker - and failed miserably! LOL. I have had this idea in my head that I wanted to try to make a pot roast, envisioning tender meat falling apart, sitting in juicy gravy, covering tender potatoes and carrots. What did I get? Tough, hard meat that was an adventure to cut, let alone chew, in a watery, flavor-less gravy, soaking potatoes and carrots. Yeah, I've got a long way to go to get that "Donna Reed Wife of the Year" trophy. I tried, though, and the Hubs (amazing man that he is) ate his, and mine too! LOL. He's a good guy, that Hubs of mine.

At any rate, crappy roast kept me from over-endulging. Actually, it kept me from endulging at all. LOL. I ate a couple of rolls and was on my way.

Oh, and I would be a bad citizen if I didn't mention the fact that today is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. I truly believe we should all take a minute today to reflect upon the history of civil rights in this country. We've come a long way, but we've still got so far to go! Hopefully when Barack Obama takes the Oath of Office tomorrow, it will be a new dawn for the American people, and he will set us in the right direction towards providing true equality for all.

At any rate, that's where I stand. I'm "officially" 2 pounds down, but I'm calling it 4.2 from 260. I'm the one working my ass off here, so I say I can choose to look at it which ever way I want. LOL. I've got 3.8 pounds to go. *Puts her game face on* Oh, it's (and I'm) goin' down, man! It's goin' down...

Have a great week!

After all, it's a step in the right direction. It's a step in the right direction after all..."*

*and yes, it is my intent to get a random song stuck in your head after every blog. This time, it's "A Step in the Right Direction" from an awesome Disney movie, Bedknobs and Broomsticks. Previously, you were blessed with "In The End" by Linkin Park, and "#41" by The Dave Matthews Band (one of my all-time favorite bands - there's a reason he's on my celebrity boyfriend list!) Any-hoo, it's my hope that these songs will not only get stuck in your head, but that they will actually pertain to the post I titled them with.

Okay, here's what's going on...

I'm on day #4, about 1/2 way through my first week. The good news is this: so far I have stayed at or under my recommended caloric intake (RCI) as provided to me by My Diet Mecca. I have also done really well while I'm at work, eating a good/healthy breakfast every day of Light & Fit Yogurt with granola and a plain mini bagel. I'm bringing my lunch, which, while it may not be the healthiest of things (read: Lunchables Nachos with Cheese, lol) it is controlled calories, and that's what I'm working on right now.

Dinner is where the real challenge is. While I've been doing awesome (if I do say so myself) at halting the hand-to-mouth motion when I've used up all my calories, I'm still eating crap. Just less of it. I'm on day #4, and I can honestly tell you that the only veggies I've eaten this whole time was some lettuce from a crappy and non-satisfying salad at Arby's. (Who, by the way, I'm now boycotting because they did away with one of the only salads I really liked - the amazingly awesome Martha's Vineyard. Who does away with awesome salads at the beginning of the year when the most people are interested in eating healthy?! They replaced their awesome salads with some crappy crap that in no way tastes as good, and costs just as much).

Okay, I'm off the soap box. Back to veggies - I don't like them. Oh, I like those really-not-good-for-you starches, of course! Oh, potatoes, corn, how I love thee...lol. Celery? Ewww... Cauliflower? No thanks! Peas? Not in a million years. Last night we had tacos, which turned out to be one of the more filling/less calorie filled meals I've had this week. Since I'm extremely picky when it comes to lettuce, and I don't like it on my tacos, there were no veggies to be seen, unless you count the corn tortillas.

The only thing I've found to get me around the veggie issue is V8 Fusion, which is freaking awesome tasting, but expensive. I guess I'm going to have to bite the bullet, though, because I don't see another way for me to get those blasted veggies in mah belly! (a la Fat Bastard).

So, here are my concerns:
1. I'm not getting any veggies. We've already talked about that.
2. I'm not eating particularly healthy foods. Basically, I'm controlling the crap that goes in.
3. I'm consuming the majority of my calories at dinner. I eat about 1000 calories for breakfast, lunch and snacks, and then another 1000 at dinner. (My RCI right now is 2028). While that seems like it looks right, I feel weird eating that many calories at once, and when I'm not as active. Which brings me to...
4. I'm not exercising. I'm doing things that burn calories - cleaning the house, vacuuming with our new, fancy-dancy but extremely heavy vacuum, etc. But I'm not sweating up a storm. According to The Daily Plate (TDP from now on) in order for me to lose 2 pounds per week, my net calories need to be at or below 2028. Net calories - so I could eat 3000 if I burned off 1000. Well, I'm not eating 3000. I'm eating 2028, and not working out. It's uber counter-intuitive, so we'll see if it works.
5. I'm concerned that my initial weigh-in was off. I haven't seen 257 since Monday. I really think it should have been 260, but I weighed myself twice, and that's what I got. I know you aren't supposed to weigh yourself every day, and I know that weight fluxuates, but I'm stressed that I won't have an accurate gauge to see if the TDP diet is working if my first number was off.

At least I know that I've stuck to something, if only for four days so far. Once I get to Monday morning, I'll feel really accomplished. Baby steps, people!

And as for the "step in the right direction", as if sticking to my calories wasn't enough, I am now a member of my company's Health and Wellness Committee. I joined yesterday, when they asked me to come in and give them an overview of TDP and how it works. There are six of us, and we're organizing all kinds of events, including a Heart Walk, Marathon, and a company-wide Biggest Loser program. They say you're supposed to surround yourself with people who will help you reach your goals, right? Well, I think I've done that! Plus, Samantha (the bff) is going to start a blog and we're going to motivate each other through these.

Things are looking up, people. Way up.