And the worst part about sticking my head in the sand like that? It worked.
While my weigh in last week would have shown me up more than three pounds, my weigh in this week shows me down almost one pound.
Two Weeks Ago: 245.0 lb
This Week: 244.2 lb
Loss: 0.8 lb
*edited: accidentally posted my weight as 244.8, but it was 244.2. Thanks Connie for checking my math!*
Obviously this isn't discouraging me from skipping bad weigh ins, now is it? Ugh. The scary part is that those are old habits - avoiding accountability, pretending like nothing is wrong, hiding from the truth, etc. Those are Fat Anna habits, and I have got to get better at working through them. The Lap Band isn't going to fix any of that for me. I have to do it on my own. (Scary!)
It just sucks. And the root of my problem is nothing but sheer laziness. Sure, I could blame it on stress (because I am stressed beyond belief). I could blame it on my schedule (because I have a lot on my plate right now). I could blame it on the band (because I think I'm still a little outside of the green zone).
But really? It's just laziness. I'm too lazy to pack my lunch. I'm too lazy to pack workout clothes. Even if I did pack clothes, I'm too lazy to actually go to the fitness center and work out. I've been too lazy to take my Bydureon injections, so my hunger has returned full force and I can feel my blood sugars getting a tiny bit out of whack.
Do they make an anti-laziness pill? Hell, who am I kidding? Even if they did, I'd probably be too lazy to take it!
How do I change this? How do I make myself do the things that I need to do? Even the things that most normal people do on a regular basis? (Like vacuuming more than, oh, maybe once a month. Or doing laundry before the entire family runs out of clean socks and underwear. Or dusting, like, ever.)
And I can hear my awesome friend Heather whispering in my ear right now that I need to show myself a little grace. So I'll move on from Whiny Wednesday...
In other, less frustrating news, the DietBet that I'm participating in now has more than 400 members and is worth $8,380.00. I have five more pounds to lose by March 28th to be eligible for my share of the pot. I really need to up the ante (bad pun intended) on myself to get there.
I'll do it. And it will be super-redonk-amazeballs to be in the 2freaking30's. I can't even tell you the last time I was in the 230s. Don't even know. But I'll get there soon. (I did, finally, force myself to take my Bydureon injection last night, so hopefully that will help some.)
Ugh, I feel like this post is all over the place, so I apologize for my schizophrenia. Have a great day, y'all!
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5 comments:
Congrats on the loss!
And, I totally get where you're coming from with the laziness. That was really the concept behind the birth of my blog was realizing how lazy I was being at everything and trying to convince myself that if I just put in a LITTLE BIT of time/effort things would be different. And I do think focusing on things being better (if not best) has really helped me in the past few years, particularly as it comes to stuff around the house. I used to think: Well if I'm not going to clean everything why bother to clean anything? Now I think, I have 5 minutes let me just do this one thing so I don't have to do it later. But I always get more done than I thought in the short amount of time (like unloading the dishwasher? Takes 3 minutes tops even though it seems like such a hassle). And doing the little stuff gives you motivation to do more little stuff.
Maybe you could try to prep more on Sundays so that it is easier for you during the week? Like pack two sets of workout clothes into one gym bag and leave it sitting by the door, and make ahead lunch for at least 3 days of the week? I don't know. I wish I could apply this clean-house mindset that has worked for me to my diet because I do think it is similar in that doing SOMETHING (even if not the very best thing) is better than doing NOTHING. But I personally have had a really hard time implementing that myself so I guess I'll recommend it with the acknowledgment that its still hard to actually accomplish.
I ABSOLUTELY agree with the planning bit. I am totally guilty of the "I'll do it in the morning" mentality, knowing full well I stay in bed until the last possible second, and never have time to do anything more than simply grab my lunch out of the fridge. I really, reeeally try to make Sunday a planning/prepping day, but it doesn't always work because I often spend Sunday being depressed about going back to work the next day. The good thing, for me, is that once I actually do it once, the feeling of preparedness and capability that I get is kind of addictive, and I'm more motivated to keep doing it. Try to catch yourself at an un-lazy moment and seize it!!
I meant to address this as well...about skipping the bad weigh-ins. While it's important to recognize your bad behaviors, try not to beat yourself up too much about it because that won't help, either. Look at this way: by skipping a potentially bad weigh-in, at least you're protecting yourself from feelings of discouragement that may lead to more negative behaviors, which could lead to yet another bad weigh-in. The goal then, is to get to a place where a bad weigh-in won't get you down as much.
Or don't listen to me...I don't know what I'm talking about :)
From 245 to 244.8, I get -.2? One of your numbers must be wrong. Was it 245.6 before? This is why I'm glad my scale weighs in .5-lb. increments. So much easier.
I have trouble with procrastination and disorganization too, but I don't think that's necessarily laziness. There are reasons why our comfort zones fall where they do. Start with baby steps and see how far you can make your way out of yours. It's more that you need to feel relatively safe while you are making these big changes to your life. And yes to showing yourself some grace.
I love the comments you've already had, and I can tell I'd love Heather...listen to her. ;-)
I think you have a lot of good handles on what you want to do and where you want to go, you just...package that...in harsh ways. For instance, you know you want to get better at planning ahead, but you don't need to call yourself lazy. I'd encourage you to try to talk to yourself the way you'd talk to Heather, or to any of us - like a friend. You deserve that treatment. You are smart and capable and are going to reach your goals, and you deserve to be supported and encouraged along the way, even if it is not a "success only" journey. Part of the journey is setbacks which are learning experiences - that is true for everyone in every area of life - you know that - you are just being really hard on yourself because there is so much emotion and stigma with this topic...that is what I think anyway. ((hug))
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