"Motivate me..."

"...I wanna get myself out of this bed,
Captivate me,
I want good thoughts inside of my head,
If I fall down, would you come around,
and pick me right up off the ground?"
("Motivation Proclamation" by Good Charlotte).

249.4

That pound I lost? Found it! God, why are they so easy to find?! Even with running a 5k this weekend (update later) I gained weight. Bah.

So let's talk motivation.

Somebody around here told the karma gods that I thought that 5k was going to be easy...and when I find out who it was, you're going to be in "big trouble, mister"! That 5k? Was so. not. easy. It probably could have been, had I been training. It's a simple case of cause and effect. And when you boil it down, the whole weight loss thing is a simple case of cause and effect, too.

Cause: I didn't train before my most recent 5k.
Effect: I pretty much felt like I was going to die and only, somehow magically, beat my previous time by 18 seconds. 18 seconds.

Cause: I eat crap and don't work out.
Effect: I weigh 249.4 pounds and have two chins and a bowl full of jelly.

So, my motivation consists of many things. Currently, though, my motivation is the fact that the last 5k totally, 100%, kicked my ass. I was miserable. I considered quitting. Like, seriously, considered turning around and going back. After less than a mile. It shouldn't be that hard. Especially when I've already done it once, and had another month to get in better shape for it.

My motivation is that I know I have to put myself through this hell three more times. And I know that I have the power to make it easier on myself. I can make it so that it's not such a horrible experience. It's going to suck, yes. But it doesn't have to suck that much.

Strangely, after the first 5k, I didn't want to get back on the treadmill. I was sore, and felt like I had accomplished a feat, so I deserved a break. That damn break quickly turned into a downward spiral into old habits. For me, that's probably the hardest part about this whole damn thing...I can never quit. I have to keep going. I have to make it to every single workout. And for the rest of my friggen' life. UUUUUUUUUUGH!

I can't think about that.

What I'm focusing on is this: after this 5k, I now feel much more desire to get my butt back on that treadmill, and back to t5ks and c25k, just so that in one month's time, I'm not wishing I could lay down in front of the leaders of the pack and get trampled - put out of my misery. Right now, it's not even so much about losing weight, as it is about getting my running back on schedule. (The plus side is that one leads to the other...)

I gotta Forrest Gump my ass into that next 5k. I want to finish in less than 46:00. I want to make progress that you can actually call progress. I don't want to feel like I'd rather drop dead than go out there and do it again.

And it's all within my power to do so. I just have to do it.

In other news:

The Hubs started 3rd shift last night. I saw him for about 10 minutes as I was getting ready this morning. The next time I'll get any extended quality time with him will be Friday night. Fun times.

And I think that's about it.

I hope you all are doing better on your journey than I am!