Thursday, September 27, 2012

Consult Day

Well, here it is. Consult Day.

I am scared as hell.

I really don't know why I'm so nervous. I don't think there's really anything rational to be afraid of today, but for some reason, I'm shaking in my boots. (Well, not really, I can't fit boots over my fat calves. But I'm shaking in my Fashion Bug flats, fo sho.)

I also found out on Monday when they called to confirm that the Program Fee is $350 instead of $300. I was convinced they had told me $300, but The Hubs seems to think I told him $350 at some point, so whatever. $50 is not a deal breaker here, and anything I pay now comes off the surgery cost, so that's $50 I don't have to pay later. Oh well.

I think it's just the reality of everything that is hitting me right now. This is the farthest down this path I have ever traveled. After today, I am monetarily invested in actually going through with this. If I don't have the surgery, we're out $350 now, which is A LOT of money to us. I feel like I'm hitting the point of no return, and even though I know that I want to do this, and I've wanted to do this for YEARS, now it's real. Now it's scary.

What if I go though all this, spend all this money, have SURGERY, and still fail?

1 comment:

Laura Belle said...

Girl. Listen. You won't fail. You've already said you've been committed to this for YEARS! so what makes you think you'll just stop being committed???? Nothing! That's what. You're just nervous and scarred. That's all. It's adrenaline pumping through your brain making you think crazy thoughts.

Sit down. Take a few deep breaths. Clear your mind and just relax.

You totally got this!!