Monday, February 27, 2012

Crushed

I know I don't post often, but I had to give y'all a little update.

Last Sunday, we went to spend the afternoon with my dad and step-mom. They have a ranch-style house with a full basement that you access through an open stairwell. (AKA, there's no door to the basement or anything). Most of the night was spent making sure Bubbers didn't fall down the stairs.

I was sitting in a chair about 6-8 feet away from the stairs, and Logan came scarily close to tumbling. I went to get out of the chair to run after him, and I almost couldn't get up. I am so fat that I can't even get my ass up and moving in an emergency! Luckily, the kid got "shiny object"-ed and headed the other way, but the damage (to me) was done.

As we left that night, I told The Hubs that I couldn't wait anymore and that we needed to move forward with band surgery. I can't bare the thought of something happening to Bubs because I'm too fat to save him from danger. Because my husband is awesome, he agreed, and told me to call the doctor's office the next day to get the process rolling.

Monday, I called to find out what my options were for paying for the surgery. 1) Insurance. A no-can-do, as my miserly insurance plan barely covers doctor's appointments. Medical weight loss programs or surgeries are very clearly an exception to my plan. Even when the patient has weight-related medical issues, like I do.

Option 2) Self-pay. We have about $17 in our savings account and our credit cards are almost maxed out, since that's generally what we were living on when The Hubs was out of work. Cash, checks or credit cards would get us laughed out of the office.

Option 3) Financing. This was the route that we had already planned to go, knowing that Options 1 and 2 weren't really options at all. The doctor's office that I was planning on using charges $11,900 total for all aspects of the surgery and two years of aftercare. I called Monday, fully expecting to get approved for financing, but jointly, we were only able to get approved for $2,000. Granted, math is not my strong point, but even I can tell you that $2,000 is a far cry from $12,000. I called a couple days later to see if I could get an increase, and I'm pretty sure the lady on the phone tried to stifle a laugh.

A personal loan isn't an option, and I even went so far as to ask my dad if they could get a loan for me. No can do.

The major reason I want to have the surgery now is so that I can lose enough weight to not have a high-risk pregnancy when we try to give Bubs a brother or sister. He's over a year old now, and I'm turning 30 this year. Time is running out, y'all. We don't have time to save up $12,000, and if we did, we should use that money for a down payment on a house.

I may or may not have had a breakdown after getting the phone call from my dad that they couldn't help. Just the day before, surgery was a real, palpable option. I was so excited that it was finally going to happen and I was going to get to start living my life and be there for my son. And now, there are literally NO options. No choices, no chances.

It's gone. And not to sound melodramatic, but I honestly and truthfully feel like hope is gone with it.

8 comments:

Miss S. said...

I am sorry to hear all your options are exhausted as far as banding, but..hope is not gone. You can still make changes and lose on your own. Take a few days, make yourself a plan you can commit to. I know it's not easy (I have gained 15 pound this year) but I believe in you.

vickyd said...

I know that it sounds like all of your options are exhausted...but, if I were you, I would take a step back and re-evaluate and prioritize your options.

I know that you want to have another child, but you do have time and losing the weight would certainly allow you to have a less stressful pregnancy (and you do have some time before getting pregnant would be an issue...age-wise). Maybe, post-poning getting pregnant and buying a house in favor of saving the money for surgery could be an option?

Only you and your husband can make that decision but don't feel like your options are exhausted...

iateach82 said...

All is not lost. It's time you take matters into your own hands rather than a surgeon's hands. Here's the thing, even if you had the surgery, that doesn't mean everything's instantly fixed. You have to change your way of life or would gain everything back after the initial loss. I've seen it happen.

You have to look deep down. And as another person turning 30 this year and no baby...time is not running out. I don't plan to have my first one for probably another year or two. Why the hurry?

You can do this. If you really want to be healthy for Bubba, your hubby, and your future child/children, I want you to prove that to yourself. And like a previous poster said, baby steps.

You're not alone. I'm here for you, too. I'm going through the same struggles. I know your hubby's here for you as well. And you've got one sweet little boy who will cheer you on, too. Love you!

Lyndsey said...

Ugh that sucks. Insurance sucks (most of the time). :(

If you do decide to re-commit to doing it on your own and you need a diet-buddy... hit me up! I just started again about a week ago. I got on the scale for the first time in like 6 months and realized i gained 25 lbs since me wedding 1 year ago! Ridonk. So... yea. I'm there with ya and available for bitching any time you need it.

Tricia Nae said...

Hey girl!! I don't really having anything new to add to the previous posters...except to say that I truly believe you've got this!! And, as someone who will be 33 this year...you have plenty of time on the baby thing!! We can do this together!!

DiZneDiVa said...

I had to wait several years to get the surgery and I filed for disability to get the insurance to pay for it. It took forever but without the stress of work and the lack of time that working took... It was easier at first to work my band. I really hope that you can figure out a way to get the help you need. There are many contests to apply for to get a lapband without insurance. My surgeon in St. Petersburg, FL gave 3 away in 2011, and 1 in 2010... so check out what the options are for you. Your story definitely could win the contest. I found you on the BOOBS blog... I look forward to following your journey. *Maria*~DiZneDiVa: Blogger from "This One Time at Band Camp... 1 Vs. 300 Check out my journey at mybigfatbandgeeklife.blogspot.com

shannsdukandiet said...

Hi, just started reading your blog. I have just turned 30 and was about 45 lbs overweight. I started the dukan diet and have lost about 20 lbs so far since January! Have you tried that yet? I tried everything, especially low calorie and more exercise and that never seemed to work!! its so frustrating and i really hope you find something that works.

shannon :)

Joey said...

Thanks Anna! Best of luck. Keep us posted.