5/79

Day 5: Goin' strong.

Calories: 1427
Exercise: t5k. Fourth time in five days, yeah buddy!
Meds: Check. And good blood sugar numbers today!
Mood: On top of the world lookin' down on creation.

So didn't want to get on that treadmill, but did. I know tomorrow is going to be rough with going out with the MIL, and I'm not sure if I'll have time to work out after. Had to do it today. And I'm glad I did because I feel great.

5 down, 74 to go. (Your love's put me at the top of the world...)

4/79

Day 4: Keep on truckin'.

Calories: 1479
Exercise: t5k. Thought I was gonna die, but made it through.
Meds: Check. Almost forgot, and had to get back up out of bed to take them. BS Checks, check. Highest ever (221) after workout and shower. Must ask doc what that's about.
Mood: Uplifted

So far staying in the calories hasn't been too much of a challenge. That will change tomorrow night when I have dinner with my MIL at The Olive Garden. What to do, what to do?

Hopefully I'm on track for 2.8 pounds by Monday - I think I am. I'm super sore after my t5k yesterday, so tonight I think I'm just going to try not to push it. Maybe not run much, mostly fast walk. We'll see how it goes!

4 down, 75 to go. I'm ready!

3/79

Day 3: Nice and easy.

Calories: 1389
Exercise: None officially, but I did do some shopping and cleaning around the house.
Meds: Check. Blood sugar checks, check.
Mood: Optimistic and excited.

Today was nice - being at home when I should have been at work is always a pleasant experience. I slept in, watched about a million episodes of A Baby Story on TLC, watched a very appropos episode of Oprah regarding morbidly obese people, saw The Hubs off to school, shopped (got an amazing deal on two pairs of cute flats from Target - less than $10 total!), and cleaned.

Now, I'm watching Intervention on A&E because it's just absolutely riveting.

3 days down, 76 to go. Moving right along.

Weigh-in #1

246.4

Down 2.8 pounds! Woot!

Even though the challenge didn't start until Saturday, I was gearing up for it all last week - paying attention to what I ate and such. 2.8 pounds! Yay!

27.2 to go, 77 days to get there (including today).

Challenge update tonight, kiddies! Have a good day!

2/79

Day 2: A little bit harder...

Calories: 1495
Exercise: t5k - mostly fast walking because of soreness from 'real' 5k
Meds: Check. Plus some blood sugar testing. Got some random results, like a high of 179 after working out and more than 2 hours post food. Weird.
Mood: Meh.

I just barely made it in my calories today, with the dinner at the 'rents house proving a worthy adversary. I succeeded, though. Even talked my sore ass into getting on the treadmill for a 5k. Boy, was that rough.

Noticed that I only made it to Day #2 before I was acutely aware of any and all junk food in my surroundings - on tv, at the parents' house, etc. I swear, the more you try to avoid it, the more you focus on it. Life's just sweet like that.

Off tomorrow - gonna try to sleep in, then maybe do some window shopping. Aaaand, since I have nothing better to do, maybe I should try to work in a t5k, huh?

Yeah, probably.

2 down, 77 to go. Weigh in tomorrow...eek!

1/79

Day 1: It's always easiest at the beginning...

Calories: 1350
Exercise: Lady Distance Classic 5k
Meds: Check. Including two blood sugar checks @ 90/140. Not too shabby.
Mood: Wiped out but optimistic.

Did the 5k today, took a 4 hour nap, went grocery shopping and bought supplies for week 1 of my challenge. Now I'm going to go watch some tv and work really hard at resisting the urge to snack.

Tomorrow will be dinner at my Dad's house, which will be a challenge in and of itself. I plan on doing a t5k before we leave.

Monday, I'm off work! I took a random vacation day because I haven't been off in forever. The best part about it is that I keep randomly remembering that I don't have to go to work on Monday, and it instantly uplifts my mood. The interesting part will be being at home with The Hubs all day. I just plan on vegging and staying out of his way.

By the way, I guess I should tell you all that I'm counting my starting weight as last week's weigh-in weight: 249.2. So for me to reach my goal, in 11 weeks I need to weigh in at at least 219.2.

Day 1 down, 78 more to go. Easy peasy, drill sergeant.

"It ain't pretty..."

("Pretty Vegas" by INXS).

Well, it doesn't really require much of a post to tell you that I sucked this go round. 49:twenty-something. Bah. I'm sure there are many things on the list of why I ADDED two minutes to my time, not the least of which are the fact that I weigh 250 pounds and haven't ran since the week after my last 5k.

(As you all know, that's changing as of today - the official start day of my challenge!)

Anyway, I'll leave you with pictures, since I don't really have anything else to say on the subject of my suckiness...

I suppose we all just wear bed sheet togas...

The 5k I'm running in tomorrow is sponsored by a popular local running store. I went to the store today to pick up my race packet. Let me preface this little story by telling you that the store was pretty well populated...it certainly wasn't dead in there. Plenty of ears around for the following verbal transaction between myself and the older gentleman manning the packet pick-up table.

OG: Name?
Mrs. B: Mrs. B.
OG: Ah, here you are, Mrs. B. Shirt size, extra large. No...WAIT! ONE X?! I didn't know they made them that big!
Mrs. B: *stunned silence*

Really? Seriously?! The man was just kind of clueless. He really wasn't trying to be malicious or mean, but saying something like that out loud? Let alone loudly out loud? In a populated place?

Where's that brain-to-mouth filter when you need it? Ugh.

"A change gonna come"

"Oh, there been times that I thought I couldn't last for long,
But now I think I'm able to carry on,
It's been a long, a long time coming,
But I know, a change gonna come. Yes it will."
("A Change is Gonna Come" by Sam Cooke)


The mission: I will lose 30 pounds in 11 weeks.

The rules:
1. I will stay under 1,500 calories per day.
2. I will do a t5k at least four times per week. Every week.
3. I will eat salad for at least two of my meals per week.
4. I will eat lunch and dinner out only once per week.
5. I will take all of my medications as prescribed.
6. I will lose at least 30 pounds (2.74 pounds per week) at the end of 11 weeks.

The reward:
For each of the 79 days of this challenge (August 1 - October 18) that I successfully complete, I will deposit $2 into a dedicated bank account. If I have lost at least 30 pounds after 79 days, that money will go towards getting the tattoo of my dreams (which I am expecting to cost between $200 and $300).

If I have not lost 30 pounds after 79 days, the money I have collected will go into our regular savings account and I will have to wait until we can save up the money again and I have lost at least 30 pounds to get the tattoo.

My first wedding anniversary is October 18th - 11 weeks from this weekend. My original goal this year was to lose 60 pounds by this date, which would put me at under 200 pounds for the first time since high school. Waffling around for six months has made this goal less than realistic, and as I've always said, losing ANY amount of weight is a victory. If I did nothing more, I would probably finish this year saying I lost 10 pounds and ran two 5ks. While that's definitely progress over last year and pretty much every year up to now, that's just not good enough for me. I will finish this year saying that 2009 was the year I lost forty pounds and ran five 5ks.

Thirty pounds. Eleven weeks. One possible outcome: success (and a new tattoo to show for it).

I'm going to need your help, but I'm going to do it by and for myself. Are you with me?

p.s. A super-special-you're-the-bomb Thank You to Lyndsey for suggesting and unwittingly letting me steal her awesome reward idea...

Wanted: Reward

I've got something brewing...something big for me. I'll fill you in on it when I get all the little details worked out.

Here's the problem:

I don't know how to reward myself. I don't know what to work towards (other than weight loss and health benefits, obviously). Should I reward myself weekly, since I've got a gnat-sized attention span? What can I do that is somewhat inexpensive, since I've got a gnat-sized bank account at the moment? I want something good that will help keep me motivated, and I just don't know what that something or somethings good is. Are. Whatever, you get the picture.

I don't know what to do, and that's a big, fat chunk missing from my big, fat plan.

Help!

Mystery and Intrigue at Chateau Noir...

You all know by now how The Hubs’ crazy schedule is: on Mondays he has class from 7-9:15, and work from 10p – 6:30a. This means that I get to see him after I get home at 5:35 until he leaves around 6-6:10. The past few Mondays I’ve come home, he’s been up running around, making his lunch or finishing some last-minute homework and whatnot. One day a couple weeks ago, I got home, tried to open the door, and found he had it chained. He promptly rushed to the door and opened it for me. Trust me, Grasshopper, this will all make sense in a minute.

Last night, I got home at my normal time. I unlocked our door, pushed it open, and BAM! found it chained again. Assuming that my husband was running around as usual, I shut the door and waited for him to come rushing over to unlock it, only…he never came. After a few seconds, I opened the door as far as the chain would let me and realized that it was completely dark and silent in my apartment. I think, his car’s outside, and the chain’s on the door, so obviously, he’s got to be home. I call his cell phone – straight to voicemail. I call his cell phone again – straight to voicemail. (What’s that saying? The definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result? Just call me crazy.) I think I called his cell phone at least 4 times, and every. single. time. – straight to voicemail.

I think, Okay…I can’t get to him on the phone, and the door’s chained. How else can I get into this house without having to break down the door? The windows are all locked, so that won’t work. I had a fleeting pang of hope when I remembered that I have a key to the sliding glass door, but we’ve got a metal bar on the inside so that it can’t be slid open. I try in vain to somehow magically snake my arm around inside the door and simultaneously pull it as closed as possible to try and undo the chain. If you’ve ever seen a movie, you know this won’t work, and only succeeded in making me look like an idiot when our neighbor decided that that exact moment would be the one in which he would take his teacup Chihuahua out to poop.

I yell Jack's name, I bang on the door, I yell his name some more. There’s a very fine balance I’m trying to strike here, because the apartments I live in are not exactly strangers to the cops. I don’t want to yell and bang too much because I don’t want to (a) embarrass myself even more, (b) have the cops called on me, and (c) have to explain this situation to ANYONE. Without any other solutions in sight, I yell, and bang, and push on the door some more.

Now, at this point, I’ve been struggling to get into my own house for almost 25 minutes and I’m starting to panic. The Hubs is always up on Mondays. What is going on?! Why isn’t he up running around getting ready for school? Why is his phone dead? Is HE dead? Did somebody break in and kill him, and then chain the door to slow me down from finding him, and leave out the bedroom window? Did he have a heart attack from all the stress of night school and working third shift and having a crazy lady who’s contemplating breaking down the door for a wife? (Remember…I’m in panic mode).

Add this situation to the two other ill-fated chained-door entry issues in the past, and the door jam was barely hanging on by a thread (or a screw, I guess) at this point. I could push on the door and the jam would bow out from the wall, only attached at the top and bottom. Now, I’m panicked, my husband has surely been savagely murdered by someone conscientious enough to come back and chain the door before exiting out a window, or he’s in the throws of a heart attack, and I need to get to him. The only solution is to break open the door. So I start pushing on the door, and wedging my hand in between the jam and the wall, seriously hoping that I don’t get a splinter or get mamed by the screws hanging precariously on the jam. I’ve screamed his name, I’ve banged on the door, I’ve called his phone, I’ve solidified my crazy lady existence to the neighbors, and now I’m trying to break in to my own house.

Finally, I succeed, and the door jam breaks away from the top of the wall with a loud *crack* but remains connected to the bottom. It's enough for me to start working my way in the door, and then I hear an “oh, shit!” from the back room. I knew instantly that my husband was, indeed, alive, and not suffering from gunshot wounds or a heart attack, and I wanted to kill him. Since the jam was still connected at the bottom, the door was still only partially open but I could see The Hubs rushing down the hallway from the bedroom. “Are you okay?” I whimpered, and by the time he got to the door, I was leaning against a wall in the hallway completely sobbing. The thought that he could have seriously been gone had finally hit me. And then relief, mixed with absolute fury over the experience that I had just had took over. It manifested itself in blubbery, loud sobs.

Jack, concerned that my crying in the hallway might elicit some response from the neighbors, (as if the yelling, banging, and breaking down the door wasn’t enough) told me to come inside, but I couldn’t get my shit together. The purse I’d dropped on the floor in my attempt had spilled, and the decorative hanger that I had flung down there after my attempts to open the door got serious, lay discarded too. I finally managed to gather all my things, come in the door, and throw them on the ground. I calmly and politely asked my loving husband to not lock the chain while I'm gone, which came out something like, “You better never fucking lock that thing again!”, and sat down to decompress.

The Hubs, who probably had not once been scared for his own life that day until AFTER I got in the door, said he was sorry, and that his phone was dead and that he had been sleeping. I wasn't quite ready to chat yet, so he got all of his stuff together for school. I made myself dinner, made his lunch, kissed him goodbye, and spent the rest of the evening watching bad tv (Hello? Bachelorette? Ed gets the last measly 5 minutes, and you give Reed a half an hour?!) in bed.

This morning, the door jam is still hanging there, the chain is unuseable, and all is (at least temporarily) right with the world.

I Believe In You

Yes, yes, I'm alive. But I'm not quite ready to resume blogging just yet. In the interim, however, I'd like to share this sweet little ditty that I heard on the radio the other day...

I Believe In You - By Don Williams

I don't believe in superstars,
Organic food and foreign cars.
I don't believe the price of gold;
The certainty of growing old.
That right is right and left is wrong,
That north and south can't get along.
That east is east and west is west.
And being first is always best.

But I believe in love.
I believe in babies.
I believe in Mom and Dad.
And I believe in you.

Well, I don't believe that heaven waits,
For only those who congregate.
I like to think of God as love:
He's down below, He's up above.
He's watching people everywhere.
He knows who does and doesn't care.
And I'm an ordinary man,
Sometimes I wonder who I am.

But I believe in love.
I believe in music.
I believe in magic.
And I believe in you.

Well, I know with all my certainty,
What's going on with you and me,
Is a good thing. It's true,
I believe in you.

I don't believe virginity,
Is as common as it used to be.
In working days and sleeping nights,
That black is black and white is white.
That Superman and Robin Hood,
Are still alive in Hollywood.
That gasoline's in short supply,
The rising cost of getting by.

But I believe in love.
I believe in old folks.
I believe in children.
I believe in you.

But I believe in love.
I believe in babies.
I believe in Mom and Dad.

And I believe in you.

"Ahh, ooh, push it..."

...p-push it real good!" ("Push It" by Salt n Pepa).

In May, I had a t5k best time of 52:39.
Monday, I broke that record with a time of 52:11.
Tonight, I shattered that record with a time of 51:20.

And damn, does it feel good.

I was sabotaged by a dead man.

I had every intention (okay, almost every intention) of doing another t5k last night. Monday's went well...1:30 run/3:30 walk at an 0.5% incline, which left me with my fastest treadmill time to date: 52:11. For some reason, I can't seem to get under 52:00 on that darn thing. Anyway, it went well, and I was able to keep it up for the whole duration of the 5k, so that's a good sign of things to come.

And as I said, I had almost every intention of doing it again last night. But then...I was flipping through the channels on the TV and came across the Michael Jackson memorial service on BET. I ask you this: how's a girl supposed to get up and run/walk 5k while she's crying her eyes out?! Not that I'm a crazy MJ fan who is devastated by his death, but pretty much any death is sad. And then to see his family and how much grief they are feeling, and then you add in music? There was no chance. Brooke Shields' speech? Marlon (I think) singing "Smile"? Paris saying that her daddy was "the best daddy in the whole world"? While I might raise an eyebrow at that, you can't deny that three children just lost the only person they've ever known as their dad.

If that doesn't bring you to tears, I don't know what will.

Anyway, I plan on staying as far away as possible from any more coverage of the memorial. If for no other reasons than (1) my heart can't take it. I'm already an emotionally unstable mess with The Hubs being gone all the time, and (2) I really, really want to get back on that treadmill and (I absolutely hate this saying) git 'er done this week.



MJ, it didn't matter if you were Black or White. You took it in stride when the world was against you and said that you were Bad. They may have told you to Beat It, but you proved to them that you weren't a Smooth Criminal. You weren't a criminal at all.

You made the whole world want to Rock With You (all night), and I don't mind saying that You Rock My World with your music. Billie Jean may not have been your lover, but there were millions of other women in the world that wished they were. I will always Remember The Time you did the moonwalk at the 25th Anniversary Motown show, and I'll never lose The Way You Make Me Feel when I listen to your music. It's always a Thriller of an experience.

I hope that now, when you look at the Man in The Mirror, you see that You Are Not Alone. We Are The World, and we will always remember you.

P.S. Your daughter is such a P.Y.T.! What a cutie!

Rest In Peace.

Finally...

In this battle of good vs. evil, where good = actually getting my ass on the treadmill and doing what I need to do, and bad = sitting on the comfy couch and watching bad tv all night...

Good totally wins for once.

Treadmill 5k, here I come!

"Motivate me..."

"...I wanna get myself out of this bed,
Captivate me,
I want good thoughts inside of my head,
If I fall down, would you come around,
and pick me right up off the ground?"
("Motivation Proclamation" by Good Charlotte).

249.4

That pound I lost? Found it! God, why are they so easy to find?! Even with running a 5k this weekend (update later) I gained weight. Bah.

So let's talk motivation.

Somebody around here told the karma gods that I thought that 5k was going to be easy...and when I find out who it was, you're going to be in "big trouble, mister"! That 5k? Was so. not. easy. It probably could have been, had I been training. It's a simple case of cause and effect. And when you boil it down, the whole weight loss thing is a simple case of cause and effect, too.

Cause: I didn't train before my most recent 5k.
Effect: I pretty much felt like I was going to die and only, somehow magically, beat my previous time by 18 seconds. 18 seconds.

Cause: I eat crap and don't work out.
Effect: I weigh 249.4 pounds and have two chins and a bowl full of jelly.

So, my motivation consists of many things. Currently, though, my motivation is the fact that the last 5k totally, 100%, kicked my ass. I was miserable. I considered quitting. Like, seriously, considered turning around and going back. After less than a mile. It shouldn't be that hard. Especially when I've already done it once, and had another month to get in better shape for it.

My motivation is that I know I have to put myself through this hell three more times. And I know that I have the power to make it easier on myself. I can make it so that it's not such a horrible experience. It's going to suck, yes. But it doesn't have to suck that much.

Strangely, after the first 5k, I didn't want to get back on the treadmill. I was sore, and felt like I had accomplished a feat, so I deserved a break. That damn break quickly turned into a downward spiral into old habits. For me, that's probably the hardest part about this whole damn thing...I can never quit. I have to keep going. I have to make it to every single workout. And for the rest of my friggen' life. UUUUUUUUUUGH!

I can't think about that.

What I'm focusing on is this: after this 5k, I now feel much more desire to get my butt back on that treadmill, and back to t5ks and c25k, just so that in one month's time, I'm not wishing I could lay down in front of the leaders of the pack and get trampled - put out of my misery. Right now, it's not even so much about losing weight, as it is about getting my running back on schedule. (The plus side is that one leads to the other...)

I gotta Forrest Gump my ass into that next 5k. I want to finish in less than 46:00. I want to make progress that you can actually call progress. I don't want to feel like I'd rather drop dead than go out there and do it again.

And it's all within my power to do so. I just have to do it.

In other news:

The Hubs started 3rd shift last night. I saw him for about 10 minutes as I was getting ready this morning. The next time I'll get any extended quality time with him will be Friday night. Fun times.

And I think that's about it.

I hope you all are doing better on your journey than I am!

47:19

That was a rough one, but at least I beat my time! More later, lovelies!

Here we go again...

I should totally be in bed right now.

I've got to be up and out of the house by 6:45 tomorrow morning for 5k number two. And then I've got a wedding to go to. Yeah, it's gonna be one of those days...

The Hubs and I went and picked up my race "packet" today, which consisted of my race bib (Number 10 this time) and my t-shirt. What?! No freebie 5k swag?! I feel totally jipped. As we all know, I only run these things for the free samples. And as we all know, I'm lying. Still, a couple free samples would have been nice...

We drove the course after I got my number, and it actually seems easier than the first one. I know, I say that now, and then come in with a time in the 50's tomorrow, right? I'm so trying not to jinx myself right now, so if you didn't tell the karma gods that I said it looked easy, I'd appreciate it, okay?

The course is almost entirely through a compact residential area, and only one small section is on a main public street. There are maybe three or four hills, one of which is a little steep, but short. The others are all slight gradual inclines. I think, possibly because it winds through a relatively small residential area, it seems shorter than the last one, which ended with one big, looooong straight-away through most of mile 3. That might be playing with my head right now and making me think it's not as daunting as the last one. I don't know...

What I do know is this: I have to finish this 5k faster than my last one (47:37). If I do that, I'll be happy.

I also know that I've somehow got to muster the strength to attend a wedding and reception, where I'm sure I'll be required to Cupid Shuffle, Cha Cha Slide, and Booty Call. (Yeah, that last one sounded dirty.)

As always, I'll let you know how it goes. If you're up and at 'em at around 8 am Eastern Standard Time, this chubby little runner sure would appreciate some 5k mojo sent her way. Think good thoughts for me, eh?

And if you read this after 9 am Eastern Standard Time? Wake up and move your butt! I already ran a 5k today...what have you done?!

Hi, Koo!

Excuse my fat ass
Unfortunately flabby
Did I sit on you?

Diets are no fun
I hate counting calories
And moving my ass

I'm running 5ks
And trying not to throw up
It's so not pretty

Rabbit food is gross
But ultimately low-cal
Suck it up, you wimp!

Conquering my weight
Hard, but not impossible
Willpower would help.

Running Down a Dream: Songs to run to

I've made my playlist for Saturday's 5k. I try to stick to music that is not only very upbeat, but that will keep me distracted interested throughout the duration. For this playlist, I also chose quite a few songs that are old favorites that I may not have heard for a while.

1. Proud - Heather Small (a.k.a. The Biggest Loser theme song)
2. I Know You Want Me - Pitbull
3. Buch Dich - Rammstein
4. Cupid Shuffle - Cupid
5. See You Again - Miley Cyrus
6. Crazy Bitch - Buck Cherry
7. Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand
8. Boom Boom Pow - Black Eyed Peas
9. Pussy Control - Prince (haven't heard it in forever and it's got a great beat. Don't judge.)
10. Let The Bodies Hit The Floor - Drowning Pool
11. Ladies' Night - Kool & The Gang
12. Gasoline - Kicking Harold (the song they play at the end of every Overhaulin' episode)
13. Push It - Salt 'n Pepa
14. Shut Up and Let Me Go - The Ting Tings

Let's get this show on the road!

"Won't you come and save me? Save me."

("Man in a Box" by Alice in Chains).

*Warning* Please expect randomness. It's Monday morning, the weekend was ridiculous, and I don't quite have all of my faculties. The end.

248.4

That right there is a 1.2 pound loss for last week, and I'll take it! I only ended up doing t5k's twice, and managed to eat out for lunch every day last week. I half expected to gain that much, so losing it was a pleasant surprise. These 40's are kicking my butt, but I can't exactly complain since it's my fault I haven't been working out as much as I was in the 50's. The whole weight loss thing is pretty simple, really. Eat better, move more. When you don't do those things, you're either stagnant or, worse, growing.

Eat better, move more. Eat better, move more. Eat better, move more. Rinse and repeat.

I only have 5 more days until my second 5k! I'm not sure if The BFF has signed up for it yet, but I've been hounding her to...I hope she does! Before my last 5k (how cool is it that I can start a sentence like that?!?!?) I did t5ks every night except for Friday, and it seemed to work out okay. I think I'll stick with that plan, and we'll see how it goes.

I'm picking up my race packet on Friday and driving the course. Randomly, the residential section goes down the street of one of my friends at work, so she said she's going to make me a little poster to cheer me on. (She said there's NO WAY she's going to be up at 8:30 to do it in person, and with 6 kids, I don't really blame her).

My goals for this 5k are simple: (1) finish faster than my last time of 47:37, (2) get to the 2nd mile marker in under 29 minutes, and (3) keep up a running schedule.

Last time, my 2-mile time was 30:07. My average time for the course was 15:22/mile. My goal is to stay in the 14's for the whole thing. If I finished each mile in 14:59, my final time would be 46:27, shaving a little over a minute off my time. 14:30 would have me finishing in 44:57 - 2.5 minutes less! I know that while I'm here, comfortably sitting on my ass at work, shaving 30 seconds off my time per mile seems super easy...Saturday, it's going to be a completely different story.

As for keeping a running schedule, right now the plan is to run 2.5 minutes, walk 2.5 minutes for as long as I can. When that gets hard, I will run 2 minutes, walk 3. When that gets hard, because I'm sure it will, I want to make sure I'm running at least 1.5 minutes of every 5. I know that I slacked with the running in the 3rd mile last time, so hopefully even if I'm running less in the beginning this time, it will average out to a faster time in the end.

I can't believe I'm less than a week away from running my second 5k. I won't lie...I'm pretty proud.

Goals for this week include:

1. Taking all meds. I did pretty awesome last week! Rock on.
2. T5k M, T, W, Th at at least a 0.5% incline.
3. Watch calories.
4. Get to 246 at next weigh-in.
5. Rock out at my second 5k.

Easy enough, right? Right.

On to other things: my weekend.

Friday:
Went with MFN and The BFF to Cheeseburger in Paradise. Horrible service, as we have found places with 'ambiance' to be consistant in that area - *ahem* Cadillac Ranch *ahem*. They're also horrible with nutrition information. They don't post any on their website, and don't make it available to you if you inquire. Yeah, there was pretty much no hope. On the plus side, afterwards we went to MFN's house and worked off a gazillion calories playing Rock Band. Well, at least I'm going to pretend I worked off a gazillion calories, as I had to sing the whole time. Hey, there was clapping involved.

Saturday:
The Hubs and I had Mongolian Grill (yes, again) for lunch. I snuck some carrots, broccoli, and sprouts in there, thankyouverymuch. Then we saw a Transformers 2 matinee. The Hubs and I both really enjoyed it, no matter what the critics may say. I'm sure we'll be buying it when it comes out on DVD. Mrs. B. Movie Grade: A-.

Sunday:
I'll spare you the long, dramatic details, but my 11 year old niece is in a Christian Children's Home about 3.5 hours north of where I live. Crammed in a backseat with my two "little" brothers, I rode up to see her with my Step-dad and Mom. The trip up was not fun, and then when we finally got there to visit, we were told that she had been taken with the rest of the kids to a baseball game about an hour away. If we wanted to, they would have brought all the kids back early from their trip, but of course we said no. My mom was really heartbroken because she hasn't spoken to her or seen her in about a month, and we were really looking forward to it. So now, we have to take another long trip up there sometime soon, in the hopes that we'll get to see her. Ugh.

And that brings us back to the present. Another day at work, another day on a diet, another day of life.

Which is totally better than the alternative.
In memoriam:
Ed McMahon
Farrah Fawcett
Michael Jackson
Billy Mays (yes, Billy Mays. He was annoying, but iconic).

"100 ways is what it takes to feed her craving..."

("100 Ways" by JC Chasez).

Well, looky here. This little blog made it to 100 posts. Now, I'm not going to go getting all sentimental on you, don't worry. (I probably couldn't take it right now, anyway!) What I am going to do, is this:

In honor of my 100th blog post, here are 100 reasons why I'm doing this. They range from medical reasons, to incredibly selfish reasons, to totally superficial ones. Dont' judge. And you know what? It really wasn't hard at all to come up with 100. I'm sure I could have kept going. And by now, you all should know my OCD tendencies, so it shouldn't surprise you in the least that I organized them into categories. You're welcome. :)

100 Reasons Why Mrs. B. Is Kicking Her Own Ass:

Health:

1. To control my diabetes
2. To not have a "high-risk" pregnancy
3. To live a long life
4. To be healthy
5. To not be considered "Morbidly Obese", "Obese", or "Overweight" anymore
6. To not die of Diabetes like my father is
7. To not sweat as much
8. To quit being depressed
9. To fix my back problems
10. To be more flexible
11. To have more energy
12. To have more stamina
13. To be stronger
14. To not die

Pregnancy/Children:

15. To get pregnant
16. To be a beautiful pregant woman
17. To be a good example for my children
18. To have active children
19. To give them the mom they deserve
20. To keep up with my kids

Marriage/The Hubs:

21. To keep my marriage active
22. To be a good example for my husband
23. To feel as sexy as The Hubs says I am
24. To sit on The Hubs' lap
25. To be picked up and spun by The Hubs
26. To have better sex
27. To fully enjoy my marriage
28. To make my husband proud to have me for a wife

Clothing/Shopping:

29. To look more professional
30. To buy cuter and less expensive clothes
31. To have cuter and less expensive bathing suit choices
32. To be less self-conscious in a bathing suit
33. To more comfortably wear high heels
34. To fit into the pants I've been too fat for for 8 years
35. To enjoy shopping for clothes
36. To have cuter work out clothes
37. To have cuter work clothes
38. To wear shorts again
39. To wear skirts again
40. To wear sleeveless tops
41. To not have to wear shapewear anymore
42. To be able to throw something on and love it
43. To buy cuter/cheaper lingerie
44. To have more choices

Body Image:

45. To get rid of the tires around my waist
46. To see my belly button again
47. To have smaller thighs
48. To feel pretty
49. To look on the outside like I feel on the inside
50. To see a "1" as the first number of my weight for the first time since high school

Hinderances:

51. To be able to paint my toenails easier
52. To be able to take and enjoy baths
53. To ride The Beast and other roller coasters again
54. To sit "indian style" in car seats on long trips
55. To fit more comfortably in airplane seats
56. To more easily bend over in the car to get things off the floor
57. To have more room in bed
58. To fit better in office chairs
59. To un-self-consciously ride a motorcycle with The Hubs
60. To not be hindered or held back by my size anymore
61. To have more opportunities
62. To try new things
63. To actively live my life instead of letting it pass by
64. To be more comfortable
65. To do things that being overweight has kept me from - i.e. repelling, horseback riding, etc.
66. To participate more during office annual meeting adventures
67. To be better at Yoga
68. To run a mile without stopping
69. To run a 5k without stopping
70. To be more active

The Superficial:

71. To have people notice
72. To get positive attention
73. To not be the "fat friend"
74. To go places and feel cute instead of wishing I was as cute as the other girls
75. To see what it's like to be skinny
76. To make certain people jealous
77. To take better pictures
78. To impress people at my 10-year high school reunion
79. To inspire other people
80. To fit in
81. To not have my eating habits constantly critiqued by strangers
82. To not have to feel guilty for eating
83. To be more confident
84. To not have to be the "funny one"
85. To not feel judged
86. To be able to just be myself

The Existential:

87. To finish something I start
88. To make my family proud
89. To have something to be proud of
90. To find out who I am
91. To conquer something
92. To not wonder "what if"
93. To prove I can
94. To finally make a change
95. To not waste more time
96. To get it over with
97. To stop the cycle
98. To live life easier
99. To enjoy life more
100. To live a better life

And there you have it...my motivation, in a list.

Well that's Sh*tty.

If you don't know Jack Sh*t, you're missing out. I recently discovered his blog, and instantly connected with his sarcasm and wit. The thing I really enjoy about him is that he is all about bringing laughter and fun into this horrible journey we're all taking together.

And then, the bastard had to go and tag me.

So, without further ado, The Rules:
1. Respond and rework; answer the questions on your blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your invention & add one more question of your own.

2. Tag eight other people.

What is your current obsession? Bd's Mongolian Grill
What are you wearing today? Black pants, black and red shirt, black flats.
What’s for dinner? The Hubs is in school, so probably Corn Pops and skim milk.
What’s the last thing you bought? A cinnamon raisin bagel.
What are you listening to right now? HP6 (Half-Blood Prince) audiobook so that I can finish before the movie comes out on 7/15.
If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go? Back to bed. One hour isn't long enough to fully enjoy anywhere else.
Which language do you want to learn? More/better French.
What do you love most about where you currently live? It is in close proximity to almost everything I need.
What is your favorite colour? I like sets of colors, not one in particular.
What is your favorite piece of clothing in your own wardrobe? This nightshirt that I've had for literally as long as I can remember. It's gigantic, and when I wore it as a child, it must have swallowed me whole. It says "Jingle My Bells". And it has holes so big that I might as well not be wearing a night shirt at all. I had to make a deal with The Hubs that once one hole gets big enough for my arm to go through, I'll throw it away. It's damn close.
Describe your personal style? Meh.
If you had $300 now, what would you spend it on? Tickets to the New Kids concert. Yep, I'm that much of a nerd. I have no shame. Unless The Hubs got to the money first - then it would probably go to some totally unworthy cause, like bills or something. Bah!
What are you going to do after this? What I'm getting paid to be doing right now.
Your favorite smell? The Hubs' cologne: Perry Ellis "18"
Do you collect anything? Willow Tree figurines. And hugs...I'm a fan of hugs.
What makes you follow a blog? Good grammar and spelling + wit = a 'followable' blog.
Who do you admire? Lots of people. The Hubs for one, because he is just a really stand up fella.
What’s one thing you dream of doing? Getting pregnant and having a baby.
What is your biggest regret? Tie: that I didn't take advantage of high school, and that I didn't go to college straight away.
What is your favorite thing to do on a rainy day? Sleep and read. Well...not at the same time, obviously.
Do you have a tattoo? I have 4. I plan on getting at least 1 more.
What are your favorite books? The DaVinci Code, The Harry Potters, The "For Dummies" series.
Are you left handed, right handed, ambidextrous, or a little of both? Right handed.
Are you a big fan of memes? Not hugely.
What's your biggest fear? I'm scared of falling off things or down things. Stairs are especially rough if my hands are full.

And now, it's your turn:
Sammy Sue @ Samantha's Saga
Natalie and/or Jason @ Monkeyface and Baldy
Dee @ My Journey
Katherine @ Katherine's Daily Adventures
Jen @ JenisZen
Nicole @ The Road to a Healthier Life
Joy @ Getting Healthy and Pregnant
Lyndsey @ I Could Do A Lot in 15 Minutes

Go forth and conquer!

Happiness is...

dripping with sweat.

I missed you, sweat. Welcome back!

Behind every happy OCD person...

...is a nicely organized chart:

Sorry if the picture sucks, but this is the chart that I created for "Operation Baby Weight". I borrowed the idea from the Ash is Fit's 20/20 Challenge Chart that we received at the beginning of the challenge.

I'm excited!

"And I've made up my mind, I ain't waistin' no more time. Here I go again..."

("Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake).

Yesterday I made a deal with The Devil my husband.

Seeing as how I've been a total bum with the whole diet and exercise thing, and also seeing as how I'm completely, hopelessly, 100% obsessed with getting pregnant, I decided to take matters into my own hands. And it went something like this:

Mrs. B.: Honey, I've decided something.
Mr. B.: (looks scared) You have? What?
Mrs. B.: When I get to 195 pounds, we're having a baby.
Mr. B.: (turning pale and pastey) We are?! How about 175 pounds?
Mrs. B.: No! I'll be happy under 200, so 195.
Mr. B.: Where are you now?
Mrs. B.: Right around 250.
Mr. B.: (calculating in his head) How about 190?
Mrs. B.: Seriously?! What's the difference between 195 and 190?!
Mr. B.: ....190?
Mrs. B.: Fine. When I get to 190 pounds, we're going to get me pregnant. Deal?
Mr. B.: Uhhhhhh....ehhhhhh.....weeeell....
(Mrs. B. gives Mr. B. "the look")
Mr. B.: Okay...deal.

And then, partly in the interest of full-disclosure, and partly because I'm an evil wife who sometimes might just get a tiny bit of enjoyment out of seeing her husband break out into an instant sweat, I added this little bit:

"You know, honey, if I really kick it into gear, I could be at 190 by the end of this year..."

...and I swear to you, I think his heart just might have stopped beating for a second. He recovered, though, and now I'm back in the game. I've got new purpose, and I'm ready to go. You know, sometimes I think you just have to procrastinate on something so much until you just can't possibly take it anymore, to really kick it into gear and make a difference. Table for one?! Because that's pretty much where I am.

My weigh-in this morning said 249.6. Today's the day that I start working on my "baby wait". I'm pretty darn excited!

My goals for this week are:

1. Take all meds daily.
2. Test blood sugar twice daily.
3. Stay under 1,600 calories daily.
4. C25k Week 3 Mon, Weds, Fri at 1% incline.
5. T5k Tues, Thurs, Sat at 1% incline.

Here I go again...

And in other news...(I think I missed my calling as a news anchor, don't you?)

The Hubs and I took The In-Laws to Bd's Mongolian Grill on Friday. I was seriously concerned about this, seeing as I'm one of the pickiest eaters on the planet. I barely eat "Chinese" food, sticking mainly to Sweet & Sour Chicken and fortune cookies. But, seriously, it was so good! The place was absolutely packed so I did feel a little rushed. I didn't get time to sample as many sauces as I would have liked, but in the end I was not at all disappointed by my choices. Next time, I'll add more veggies, since using a small amount of sauce is a great way to 'hide' them in the dish. The website has a handy dandy tool where you can create a bowl and it will automatically calculate your nutrition facts for you.

I talked MFN into going there for lunch today. Yay veggies! (Wait... what's that I hear? The flapping of tiny pig wings? The crackling of icicles in Hades? Did she just say, "yay veggies!"? I think she did!) Yep. "Yay veggies..." I'm not the person I used to be. And that's a totally awesome thing.

Saturday, I grocery shopped. I also just happened to cook the most awesomest meal I've ever cooked in the history of my wifedom. I made steak, corn on the cob, and baked potatoes, and didn't ruin anything! (Where's The MIL when I need her?!) It was so freaking good! I mean, yes, I understand that there isn't much skill in boiling corn or in putting a potato in the oven, but the steaks were awesome! My George Foreman grill is officially my favorite kitchen gadget. (After the Kitchen Aid mixer, of course!)

Sunday, we hung out at my Step-Grandparents' house for Father's Day, and then lounged around the apartment for some quality spouse time. The Hubs starts his first full week of the quarter this week, and now we've got to find him a new job as well. Needless to say, he's a busy guy. He's a busy guy who's going to have a pregnant wife to deal with as soon as I get my ass in gear.

:-)

"I got plenty of nothing, and nothing's plenty for me.."

("Plenty of Nothing" by Frank Sinatra).

As in, I got plenty of nothing to tell you about. Does that stop me from blogging? Hecky naw. Read on, my friends. Read on.

My weigh-in was crap yesterday. 249. I'm not sure how it can be right, unless the 4 pounds I lost last week was all water weight. But, whatever. "It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life...for me, and I'm feelin' good." (Michael Buble, "Feelin' Good").

Saturday, The Hubs and I went on a double date with Candoso and Harbeeb (Candice and Harby for those not in the know). We had Olive Garden, where I'm sorry to tell you, I wasn't good at all, but it was good. I was doubly-bad and "shared" a pitcher of Sangria with The Hubs. Honestly, it was worth however many calories were in it, but it wasn't worth the $20 it cost. I couldn't believe it when I saw that! Last time we bought a pitcher, it was $13. Granted, that was a couple years ago, but a $6 increase?! I think that's just ridiculous. But I digress...

We saw this movie...

...which was hilarious, if you like raunchy, dumb humor. (Which, luckily, the four of us do, so we thoroughly enjoyed our movie-going experience.) My favorite quote from the movie was "You are literally too stupid to insult." At any rate, I suggest you see it if you're not easily offended, and you can take a joke. Mrs. B. Movie Grade: B+

After the movie, we hung out at Casa de Harbeeb for a bit and then went to our favorite local bar. As usual, the girls hung out outside on the patio and chatted, while the guys played darts inside. And that's the way (uh huh, uh huh) I like it. (Uh huh, uh huh). (KC and The Sunshine Band, "That's The Way (Uh Huh, Uh Huh) I Like It").

Sunday was my Dad's birthday party, which I was doubly excited about because (1) I missed my Dad, and (2) I got to meet my new "sister".

Isn't she beautiful? And, of course, I would be a bad sister if I didn't pay a little attention to my goofball 'brother' Winston...
Hanging out with these guys, plus The BFF spending the weekend with her (and my, by extension) two beautiful prego friends made me say this bit of rubbish as we drove away:

Crazy Mrs. B.: I want a baby.
Incredulous Husband: A baby? Or a dog?
Crazy Mrs. B.: Both. Either. And/Or. But I want a baby.
Incredulous Husband: *nervous laughter*

Mind you, we're nowhere near ready to have a baby. I know this. But I can't help it. I blame it on Katie over at Confessions of a Young Married Couple who just gave birth to the most adorable little bean ever, and was brave enough to share her pregnancy with the whole blogging world. I'm sure she'll be glad to know that she's the reason for my sudden baby-craziness.

I'm not sure that makes it any easier on The Hubs, though. Oh well. Does anyone out there have an adorable baby that they wouldn't mind sharing with a very responsible, loving, fun blogger?! I need some baby time to get over the urge...

No? No one? No takers? Bah. Guess I'll have to go to the pet store and find some puppies to play with or something...

Ever the queen of non-sequiturs: The Hubs passed all of his classes this quarter! Send him a little mental (or blog comment-y) pat on the back if you get the chance. He was really worried about the Math class he was taking because it was uber challenging for him, but he passed! This is great for several reasons, (1) he doesn't have to struggle through the class again, (2) he can move on to his last math class next quarter, (3) we don't have to pay $500 for the course! Woot! Needless to say, he's very relieved, but not thrilled about starting the next quarter (2 of 6) tomorrow. Yep - he got a whole two days off for break. Bah.

This week's agenda involves cleaning up our pig sty apartment before The Hubs has a nervous breakdown, dragging my fat ass off the couch and back onto that damn treadmill, and digging a hole in our backyard big enough to hide all the leftover movie candy. I'm keeping a Goo Goo though. You might have to pry it out of my dead hands.

Seriously, though, I'm now 17 days away from 5k #2 and I haven't ran since 5k #1. Yes, I'm horrible. I know this. But "tonight's the night we're gonna make it happen" (Pointer Sisters, "I'm So Excited"). If it weren't completely insane security-wise, I would totally give you all my phone number so you could call me and force me to get on that damn treadmill. Right now, I feel like that's just about what it would take.

But I know that's not your job. It's my job to make myself do it. I'm the one responsible for me. But, man, wouldn't it be easier if I could blame it on you?! But I wont. I promise. I 'blame' it on you when I do well, though, because a lot of times it's your encouragement that gets me to try new things and to do things I didn't think I could do. So, see...some of it is your fault. (Thanks for that!)

Ugh, anyway, for a girl with nothing to write about, I sure know how to ramble. Let's sum up this post, shall we?

I gained weight. Olive Garden is expensive. The Hangover was good. Dad had a birthday. Dogs are cute. Babies are cute. I want dogs and babies. No one will let me borrow their baby. The Hubs is a smartypants. Goo Goos are awesome. I miss my treadmill and it misses me. Bloggy friends are the best.

The end.

"I guess you're just what I needed..."

("Just What I Needed" by The Cars).

Here's your Monday weigh-in, a day late. Yesterday was a little crazy, and it was all I could do to get the 5k recap in. Better late than never, and without further ado:

246.0

Yep, you read correctly. I lost FOUR POUNDS last week!

Having my little mini breakdown and having my 5k looming over my head was just what I needed to get myself back on track. Here's how I did:

-I did a total of 25k (20 on the treadmill and 5 on the road).
-I stayed within my calories all but one day. Although, I'm pretty sure that I was in negative calories on Saturday, having only eaten one meal and running around getting stuff done.
-I took my Metformin 5 out of 7 days. Saturday and Sunday it was mainly just because I didn't eat a 'real' dinner, so I didn't think about taking the meds.
-I did two workouts at a 1% incline. I need to up this this week!
-I absolutely failed at not checking the scale. I kept seeing it go down, so I wanted to keep checking it to make sure it wasn't a figment of my imagination.

This week, I've been really sore since the 5k, and in random places. Sunday night, it was my hamstrings/quads. Monday morning, it was my shoulders and back (I think I hunch over while running...gotta stop that!), and Monday night it was my inner thighs.

I actually kind of like being sore, because I know it means that I'm doing something good for my body. I can usually do a t5k and not feel that bad the next day, so I know that I was really working myself out at the race on Sunday. Now, the trouble is just getting on the treadmill and working through the soreness. I know I need to, and I know it will help, but I'm dreading it. Tonight it is, though!

I'm going to officially start c25k again this week, with Week 3. I'm going to do each workout at a 1% incline, and I'm going to throw in one more t5k. I'm going to keep my calories between 1400 and 1900 (except for yesterday), and I'm going to continue to remember to take my Metformin at dinner every night.

I'm not looking for another 4 pound week, but I'd really like to have a 2 pounder. My new short-term goal is to be at (or under) 240 by the 4th of July 5k. Totally doable.

In other (random) news:
I get to buy my new phone this week! I decided on the new enV Touch. The Hubs and I went to play with it last Friday at a Verizon store, and I totally loved it! I didn't think I would, because I hate The Hubs' Voyager, and the Touch is it's replacement. I'm super excited to get it; I can't wait!

Now that I've got a 5k under my belt, I have an incredible urge to buy all kinds of running paraphernalia. I really need a timing watch, I'd like a new pair of shoes, and some running pants would really come in handy! The money to buy all these things would come in handy as well. Bummer.

I wish I had the money to promise myself incentives for losing weight. Every year, Jimmy Buffet comes to town, and every year, tickets sell out in less than 10 minutes. We were lucky enough to get tickets last year, but this year we weren't. Now, if you want to go, you have to pay at least twice the ticket price. I would really like to be able to say "If I lose a total of 30 pounds by August 1st (the Saturday before the concert) I'm going to see Buffet!" The problem(s) with this are: (1) I can't afford to buy a ticket to Buffet, (2) I don't want to go by myself, so someone else would have to shell out a ton of money for a ticket, and (3) the closer you get to the concert, the more expensive tickets get, so waiting until the Saturday before the concert almost makes it impossible to buy them. Bah. I really need better ideas for incentives!

My dad and step-mom got a new doggie a couple weeks ago! I get to see her this Sunday. She's a Blue Weimaraner, and apparently she's the perfect little sister for our other Weimy, Winston.

Five-year-old Maisey is on the left, my dad's in the middle, and my nine-year-old 'brother' Winston is on the right. I can't wait to meet her!

Guess that's all the news for now. Have a great week, lovelies!

"And I ran, I ran so far away..."

("I Ran" by A Flock of Seagulls).

Update: My 'official' time was 47:37. Damn them for taking away those 7 seconds! It's all good, though...I'm still stoked!

This weekend was so screwey, and that's not what I was looking for right before I had to do my first 5k. Saturday, I had Chick-fil-a for lunch after we picked up our race packets, and then I was so busy with running errands and doing stuff around the house, I didn't even stop to eat dinner. I finally realized this around 9:45, and I didn't want to eat right before bed, and right before a race.

After tossing and turning in bed for an hour and a half, I decided that I needed to get up and at least put something in my stomach, so being the health-conscious, nutritious eater that I am, I had a handfull of honey roasted peanuts and hit the sack.

Let's just say I think I slept better in the middle of the woods with the possibility of animals eating me, and crazy murderers getting me. I could NOT turn off my brain. I wrote down everything I was thinking about before I went to bed, which usually helps, but nothing would work! I drifted in and out of sleep until my alarm went off at 5:50 am.

We were on the road by about 6:15, and we showed up at the race site at 7:00. They had told us to get there early if we didn't want to walk from a nearby Kroger parking lot, so we did. In the end, there wasn't very much competition for good spots, and our 3 cars all ended up making it into the right parking lot.

I ate a banana, had some powerade, and took 2 Ibuprofens about 1/2 hour before the race started, and then we all just kind of stood around in a nervous stupor for a bit. All of a sudden, I started to get really nervous, even though I know that if I just walked the whole thing, I'd finish in under an hour. I think part of it was that we were standing there, with that Scarlet R on our bibs, in the midst of 'real' runners. I guess I didn't want them to judge me, thinking that I think I'm a real runner like they are. I would have liked it to say, 'yeah, it says "R", but don't worry, I'm not delusional enough to think I'm as good as you..." but I guess that would have been too long to write on a bib.

So we stood there, and waited for the race to start. The BFF decided several times that she didn't want to actually do this, but she did it, of course. I believe Tonja mentioned the words "stroke" and "ambulance" a couple times, and I pretty much stuck to the nervous whine/wimper that I tend to do when I'm not quite sure I want to do something that I know I have to do.
As the race started, we stuck to the back of the pack because we didn't want to get passed by everyone.



I probably made it about 3/10ths of a mile before I decided to start walking. The BFF and Tonja made it farther than I did. Once I started walking, I sort of began to panic, because it felt like I wasn't going anywhere. I knew my legs were moving, but it felt like my scenery wasn't changing at all! I guess that since I've been training on a treadmill, I didn't realize how different it would feel when the earth under my feet wasn't moving for me.

I probably ended up running the most in that first mile, and when I made it to the 1 mile marker, I saw a lady sitting there. This being my first 5k ever, I didn't quite realize what she was doing there, but then I saw her talking to the lady in front of me. I took my earbud out long enough to hear her tell me that I was at 14:20-something. So many things were going through my head at that moment - 'oh my god, this sucks!', 'oh my god, I'm never doing this again', 'oh my god, did she say FOURTEEN?!?!?' - that I missed the actual seconds of the time she told me. Never in my life have I done anything less than a 16 minute mile, and here I am thinking I'm not moving at all, doing a 14-something! I kept going, thinking her time had to be wrong. There was no way that my lead feet were doing a 14-something minute mile.

Mile #2 was mostly through a residential area, with several long, rolling hills. I ran down the hills as much as I could, and walked up them. I was so scared that I wasn't moving my feet fast enough, that I just kept telling myself that I had to keep up the pace, no matter how long the hill was. "Don't slow down. Keep the beat of the music. You can't slow down. You gotta move. It's almost over - this hill is almost over!" And then the hill would be over, I'd run down as much as I could, and then continue on my walk. At the 2 mile marker, the man there told me "30:07".

Now, I'm pretty sure most people just hear their time and keep on walking like it's no big deal, but everytime I'd hear my time I'd say "Thank You!!!" and keep on going. If you're telling me that I'm doing 14 and 15 minute miles, you'd better bet I'm going to thank you for that!

Mile #3 was mostly straight away back to the church, but with a big, fat hill in the way. Tonja had long since been out of our sights - she Energizer Bunnied it through the course. The BFF was a little bit behind me for some of mile 2, and then she kicked it into high gear and passed me up. I was pretty much all alone for the rest of my trip, except for an older woman in front of me that I just couldn't catch up to.

Random note: Since the course was on a public road, and through neighborhoods, there were a lot of cars passing by. At first, I was self-conscious, thinking about all my flab bouncing around for all to see, and again, thinking "I hope these people don't think that I think I have the ability to actually do this". Why did I feel that way? Why did I want to negate what I was doing? I don't know why I keep acting like it's not a big deal that I'm attempting to run a 5k. It's like I just don't want people to feel pity for me, or laugh at me in that "Oh, that fat girl thinks she's going to run a 5k?!?! Bwaaaahahahaha!" kind of way. I just have this internal need to let other people know that I know full well I'm not going to run the whole thing. I'm not kidding myself. But, really, why does it matter?! That drives me nuts!

Anyway, like I said, at first I was really self-conscious. Then I started trying to look at it this way: maybe in one of those cars is an overweight woman who feels helpless. Maybe she wants to lose weight but doesn't think she can do it. Maybe she wants nothing more than to go out and see how far she can run, but she, too, is self-conscious about flailing flab. Maybe, just maybe, she'll pass me on the road and think, "Wow...look at her. She's bigger than I am, and she's out here running. She doesn't care about her floppy stomach. Maybe if she can do it, I can." (Of course, she would have no way of knowing that in my head, all I'm thinking about is my floppy stomach and trying not to die...thank god we don't have thought bubbles above our heads!) But that thought is what kept me running when I could. I'm not just doing this thing for me. I'm doing it for fat, flabby, self-conscious women everywhere.

I came up to the 3 mile marker and started running again right after I passed it. When I turned into the church parking lot, there were several finished runners ligned up cheering the rest of us on. That was a really nice thing to experience. I booked it as long and hard as I could, and crossed the finish line in 47:37. I was so out of breath that one of the workers had to take the bottom part of my bib off for me for scoring. I just couldn't even breathe well enough to concentrate on that.

The Hubs met me at the finish line and gave me a big hug and a kiss, and I came so close to crying because (1) I couldn't catch my breath, and (2) I had just finished my first 5k, 5 minutes faster than I'd ever done before.

After a while, I finally caught my breath, and we stayed for the awards. Would you believe it?! The BFF and I came in 1st and 2nd for women in our age group! Now, wouldn't it be mean of me to leave out the part where I tell you that we were the only two women in our age group? Oh well...

It was an amazing experience that I wouldn't exactly call "fun". That's all I kept hearing before the race..."5k's are so fun! You're going to have a great time! Enjoy!" Um, excuse me? Fun? Riding a roller coaster is fun. Going to a concert is fun. Practically killing yourself on a 3.1 mile trek at 250 pounds? Not exactly what I would call fun.

Rewarding? Yes. Worth it? Yes. Something to be proud of? Yes, but "Fun"? I'm not quite there yet.

All in all, I'm really glad that we did it. We've got the first one under our belts, and now we know what to expect from the others. The only thing that sucks to me is that you can't get a true comparison of whether you have improved from one to the next, since the courses are different. What if we do the 5k on the 4th, and it's chock full of crazy hills? Of course my time will be slower, even if I've been training harder. How do you compare that?

I don't really care how you compare it. All I care about is fulfilling the goals that I set for myself at the beginning of the year, and right now, I can say "last year I ran a 5k". That's so much better than "last year I sat on my ass".

I'm a happy girl.

47:30

Yes, it's unbelievable to me, too! But I have witnesses! :-)

Thanks for all the support, you guys! I can't believe I just did that!

I'll blog more about it later, but now I totally need a nap!