"If you start me up, start me up, I'll never stop..."

("Start Me Up" by The Rolling Stones)

Oh, so much to talk about! Let's start with the weigh-in first. Now that I'm doing the 20/20 Challenge, my weigh-in's have switched to Fridays. And on Friday, I weighed...

254.7!

That's a 3.3 pound loss last week. And I have to say, it's all because of the BHMs. I started last week thinking, "okay, a new weight loss challenge, whoopie." I was still running really low on motivation and just generally not caring about the whole diet thing. Then, I met the girls, and I realized that these women are taking this very seriously. I quickly realized that if I was going to do this thing, I needed to DO this thing. These 5 other women are in it for the long haul, and I need to be to. Ladies, you were/are just what I needed to get my mojo back! Thanks!

So, with their help, I lost 3.3 pounds, and I want to get to that 5 pound mark by Friday. As silly as it is, I just really, really want that "I lost 5 pounds" blog button on Ashlee's site. LOL. Whatever keeps you motivated, right? Speaking of silly motivation, I bought stickers yesterday for my weight loss chart that Ashlee's friend Emily made us. Basically, there's a spot on the chart that lists out the numbers 1-20 in 1/2 pound increments, and you are supposed to put stickers over the pounds that you lose. I bought those little tiny circle stickers that teachers use. They say things like, "Way to go!", "Good Job!", and "You did it!".

I'm not gonna lie, it was pretty fun to cover up 0.5-3.0 yesterday. What can I say, I'm a kid at heart.

Okay, on to last weeks goals:

Plan a dinner with The In-Laws: (0/1) - yeah, I didn't get to that.
Make a dentist appointment: (0/1) - didn't get to that either. oops.
Do a good deed at least once daily: (1/7) - I didn't realize how hard it would be to find good deeds to do!
Take Metformin daily: (5/7) - pretty good...could be better.
Test blood sugar in AM daily: (3/7) - yeah, I'm really sucking at this testing thing.
Test blood sugar after dinner daily: (3/7) - see above
Stay under 2,000 calories daily: (6/7) - pretty darn close to rockstar status there.
Conquer the Dreaded Steps of Doom every day this week: (4/5) - so close! Damn you, Wednesday!
C25k Week 1, Workouts 1-3: (3/3) - Heck yeah, baby! Easy peasy...
Do three hours of cardio: (240-180) - Serious Rockstar status! One hour more than my goal!

I am really proud of those last four. Even though I fell a tiny bit short on the calories and DSoD, I accomplished the whole first week of C25k and even added more to the workout than what was required. I didn't have to work out yesterday, but I did. (Granted, I wasn't running any marathons yesterday, but I was moving my butt. And that counts for something.)

And now, current events:

Zumba is tonight! I am beyond excited! I just wish it wasn't Monday, and the days didn't drag by while I'm at work...5:15 here I come, baby. I'll let you know how it goes!

The Hubs starts back to school tonight, and I'm super struggling with this. The upside? I'll be bored without him, so I shouldn't have a reason not to get my butt on that treadmill. The downside? I've only got a husband on the weekends now. We need to get this first week under our belts and see how it goes. Wish us luck!

We're going to a cook-out on Saturday at Tonja/Jason's house. I need to figure out what I'm going to bring - I was thinking maybe a fresh fruit platter or something else healthy like that. The good thing is that four out of six of us at the cookout are on diets, so there should be lots of good, healthy stuff to pig out on. But, then again, there will also be margaritas. Hmmm...

Guess that's it - I've got to start thinking of this weeks goals, and then get to work.

Have a great week, all!

Very interesting...

Even though I have gone above and beyond my cardio goal for this week, I find myself feeling the urge tonight to just get on that treadmill and go.

I don't have to, but I want to.

I must be in an alternate universe - this can't be me...

I love charts...

But I can't figure out how to make one in blogger. Bah.

At any rate, I'll post the contents of my latest and greatest chart: my tracking sheet. I basically made a chart that shows the date of an event in the future, how many pounds I should have lost by then (at 1-2 pounds per week), and what my scale weight should be by then.

Hopefully, this will give me an at-a-glance look at whether I'm staying on track with my goals or not. (I'd better be!)

So, this is not what my chart looks like, but it is what it says:

5/18:
Event: The Biggest Loser Final Weigh-In
Pounds Lost: 7-14
Scale Weight: 244-251

5/23:
Event: Family Wedding
Pounds Lost: 8-16
Scale Weight: 242-250

5/29:
Event: Camping Trip with The Hubs, The BFF/BF, Tonja & Jason
Pounds Lost: 9-18
Scale Weight: 240-249

6/7:
Event: Mrs. B.'s 1st Ever 5k Race!
Pounds Lost: 10-20
Scale Weight: 238-248

7/4:
Event: Friends' Wedding
Pounds Lost: 14-28
Scale Weight: 230-244

8/7:
Event: Ash is Fit's 20/20 Challenge Final Weigh-In
Pounds Lost: 20-40
Scale Weight: 218-238

9/12:
Event: Tonja & Jason's Wedding
Pounds Lost: 24-48
Scale Weight: 210-234

10/18:
Event: Our 1st Anniversary
Pounds Lost: 29-58
Scale Weight: 200-229

So, according to my calculations (math was never my strong point) it's still possible to get to my original goal weight of 200 or less by our 1st anniversary. I'm feeling a little uneasy about the probability of me averaging a 2 pound loss for the next 29 weeks straight, but I'm sure as hell going to try! It would be such a bummer to get really close and not make it there!

Tonight is my 2nd night of c25k workouts. I'm going to wait about another 1/2 hour before I do, since I ate not too long ago, and I don't want to re-visit my dinner. I was really proud of myself on Tuesday for finishing the whole c25k 1st workout - I even threw in an extra minute of running and 4 minutes of walking at the end! I don't know if I'll be able to do that tonight though - I definitely noticed that the Dreaded Steps of Doom were harder to conquer today...we'll see how well my legs hold up tonight.

In other news - I love my BHM ladies! We added another hot mama into the mix - welcome Tricia! That brings us up to 6, which is one of the largest groups Ashlee did, I think. The BFF's group is only 3 people. Anyway, I really enjoy our email chats and discussing The Biggest Loser, our husbands, and the eerie similarities we all seem to share. It's really kind of amazing we all ended up in the same group together - we couldn't have been better matched.

Aaaand...our first 20/20 Weigh In is tomorrow...eeek!

Rock on Team BHM - we're going to kick some bootie tomorrow, right?!

Right.

Okay guys, I think it's time to go from couch to 5k...wish me luck!

I'm off my rocker...

...and in my running shoes!

We're doing a 5k, kids! The BFF and I are starting C25k this week, and we are signing up for this 5k in June. I can't believe it!

And the best part? Most (if not all) of my BHM Mamas are doing their own C25k programs and signing up for a 5k in their areas, too! I am so psyched for this - I just can't even imagine how good it's going to feel to cross that finish line in 11 weeks...

Now all I've got to do is be able to run 3.1 miles. Easy peasy.

(Right!) But I'll get there, kids. I'll get there along with The BFF and The BHM's. We can do this!

"...If you need me, let me know, gonna be around..."

"...if you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down,
If you're all alone, when the pretty birds have flown,
Honey I'm still free, take a chance on me..."
("Take A Chance On Me" by Abba).

258. No change. Last weeks goals? Well, let's just see about those...

Think good thoughts at least once daily: (7/7) Easy peasy with a Hubs like mine.
Take Metformin daily: (4/7) Damn you, weekend!
Test blood sugar in AM daily: (2/7) Um, yeah...no excuses.
Test blood sugar after dinner daily: (0/7) I really need to set up the alarm on my phone again!
Stay under 2,000 calories daily: (2/7) 2,000 sounds like a lot, until you actually try to do it. I've done it before, though, so I know it's possible.
Do three hours of cardio: (0/180 mins): Did you not read my last blog? Told you, I'm lazy.

Uh huh.

Diet: FAIL. Exercise: FAIL. Weekend: FAIL.

Let's start with the weekend. Friday night was very nice. Dinner on a Long Horn gift card and a free appetizer coupon...can you say "thrifty"?! Then, home and lots of games of Sudoku. I get addicted once I start, so I didn't get to bed until after 1:00 am. Uugh.

Saturday, up and at 'em bright and early to drive an hour to have my uncle do our taxes. Finally! Uugh again. We owe the city, we're getting a whopping $10 back from the state, and our Federal was waaaaaaaaaaaaay smaller than either of us was hoping for. Those dreams I was having of our shopping spree where we finally get a bed big enough for both our fat booties?! Swoosh, out the window.

Saturday afternoon we both took naps, which is a very rare occurance for me since I find it incredibly hard to sleep during daylight. I was super tired, though. We woke up, I cooked us dinner, and then we left for the In-Laws' house. We hung out with The Kids until after 2 am, randomly pulling up every old TV theme song we could think of, and singing along. Drunken theme song singing is hilarious! (The Hubs and I were sober). Then I wowed the crowd with my amazing ability to list all 50 states in alphabetical order. Yeah, we're a bunch of wild and crazy guys! (Channel your inner Steve Martin, please).

Sunday was laundry day. One of the many benefits of going to The In-Laws' is the free laundry service. The Hubs and his dad spent the day working on my car and miscellaneous other things in the "shop", and I did 8 hours of laundry. And spent the day with The MIL. Yep, that was fun. (How 'bout a little sarcasm for ya kids today...) Then it was back home, a couple more games of Sudoku, and in bed by midnight. Woot.

On to diet and exercise: you all know I suck. I'll leave it at that.

But you all also know that I'm an optimist, and I don't like to leave negative vibes out there without at least attempting to throw some positivity out with it, so:

We got our buddy groups for the 20/20 Challenge. I'm paired with 4 other women: Amanda, Joy, Misha and Nicole. If you're reading this, "Hi Ladies!" :)

Ashlee was very smart/awesome, and paired us up based on how much weight we're looking to lose, and why we're trying to lose it. I'm really excited about the group, and I hope we can really motivate each other to get this thing done! ("...if you need me, let me know, gonna be around...")

I'm really trying to get back in the game, kids.

Nice short little post today, unless I think of something more to add later!

Have a loverly week, my dears!

"And often times we're lazy, it seems to stand in my way..."

"...cause no one, no not no one, likes to be let down."
("Flake" by Jack Johnson).

I'm a bum. A lazy, lazy bum.

The Hubs has been working like a crazy man this week, trying to get a lot of things done before he starts school. He tore everything out of a huge closet in our entry, and has spent the whole week chipping away at it after dinner. Me? I've been doing my part by thoroughly enjoying the new cable he installed in the bedroom. Yep. I'm a bum. And quite possibly, a horrible wife.

While I completely admit that I'm lazy, and have absolutely no desire to do anything around the house after I get home from work, I do have one little teeny tiny explanation excuse: I look at cleaning completely differently than The Hubs does. If I am going to tackle a big project, like that crazy closet, I would rather do it somewhat early on a weekend day. I want to have it done. It drives me nuts to start a big project, and then have it sit there all week. My philosophy is 'don't start it unless you have the time to finish it'. That's not how The Hubs looks at it, and to be honest, he does end up getting more accomplished by his method. I just can't do it that way.

To add to the "Mrs. B.'s a big, fat, lazy loser" mentality, we're going to his parents' house this weekend. Where they all run around like Stepford people and accomplish all sorts of things, and I'm just kind of left spinning in their wake. When The Hubs still lived at home, I would come up for the weekend to visit. I used to really try to jump in, and help with whatever was going on.

See? I'm helping put the numbers on the race car.

Here, I'm modeling the stickers I stuck. (Come to think of it, I'm not sure I ever told you that when I first met The Hubs, he was a race car driver...well, now you know!)

But anyway, back to the laziness thing. Now, I don't really try anymore. It's probably a combination of The MIL and my interpretation of The MIL, but when I do help around the house, or attempt to do something, she has the uncanny ability to make me feel completely inept.

Before The Hubs and I moved in together, I always got the distinct feeling that she didn't think he was going to survive living with me. Like I was going to starve him because of my inability to cook. The thing was, I can cook. I am just really uncomfortable doing it in her kitchen, with her stuff, with her watching my every move. So I just kind of shut down, and try really hard to be friendly, but blend in with the background, and let her do her own thing, thus making me look even lazier than I already am! It's a vicious cycle. Luckily, the guys (Jack and his dad) are usually out in the "shop", which is a big, huge garage where they do manly things that don't require the help of any measley, lazy women. So I'm safe there. :-)

On to other things:

I give up on Cardio Dance. We were up to 4 whole participants (including myself), and then one dropped out, one severely hinted that she'd rather be out enjoying the beautiful day, and one (MFN) was really sore from attempting the Basic Training class the night before. Although, to her credit, MFN was totally ready to shake her booty in my class. In the end, I just decided to cancel, and give up on the concept. There's really no point in trying to force people to do something they don't want to.

One exciting bit of news: we're having a Zumba instructor come do a free demo class on the 30th. I'm really stoked for it because I've been wanting to try Zumba for a couple of years now, but haven't had the chance. Now I get to try it out for free! The BFF, Tonja, MFN, and our friend Jason (JMcQ) are going to join in, as well. I'll let you know how it goes!

Another exciting bit of news: I'm sure you've seen the little blog sticker, but I've signed up with 130 other people to do Ash Is Fit's 20/20 Challenge. She's accomplished a pretty amazing feat - she lost 80 pounds - and has found herself struggling to lose the last 20 of her goal. She had this great idea to make it a challenge, and ended up having over 130 people join in. The goal is to lose (at least) 20 pounds in 20 weeks. We're having weekly weigh-ins, and she's even crazy enough to organize a buddy system for all of us, so that we can motivate ourselves and others. It starts today, so I'll keep you in the loop on that as well.

In other random news:

-Thank you, President Obama, for the extra $20 in my paycheck last week. The Hubs found some extra money in his as well. I know it doesn't seem like a lot, but when you're living paycheck to paycheck like we are, every little bit helps. I hope we'll be able to get even more good things going for the country here in the next few months. (Taking away all those exorbitant bonuses from AIG would be a great start, guys!)

-Today was a jean day at work. They are very rare, and very beloved.

-Today I learned (unfortunately) what a 'goatse' was. If you don't know, do yourself a favor, and resist the curious urge to find out. If you can't resist, then don't say you haven't been warned.

-I want to find information on becoming a freelance copy editor or proofreader. I think I would really enjoy that job.

Okay, guess that's enough for now. Have a great weekend all. See you on Monday!

"Everyone knows an ant, can't, move a rubber tree plant..."

("High Hopes" by Frank Sinatra).

258.

Back to the drawing board. My free-for-all birthday week has caught up with me, as I knew it would. Today was the 4 week/5 pound challenge for the work TBL contest. I 'officially' gained 1 pound - the work weigh in was 257.2. I am 18 pounds over my goal weight for today. Whatever, man.

Everything went down the tubes last week. I quit taking my Metformin again, which means I get to go through the gastrointestinal delight that comes with re-starting. I didn't test my sugars all week. I didn't count calories. I didn't make any good choices. To say it was a bad week, would be a generous understatement. What is wrong with me?!

I'm so over it right now.

This weekend flew by faster than any weekend I've had in a really long time. That's probably because I needed it so badly. Friday, The Hubs and I went to MFN's husband's surprise Bon Voyage party - he left today for his pre-deployment training. MFN's having a rough time, which is to be expected. I'm trying to be there for her as much as I can...I'm not sure exactly how good I am at that. Hopefully, she knows I'm trying.

Saturday was my non-birthday party birthday party. (And I promise you, after this post, I will do my best to refrain from using the word "birthday" for as long as I can...I'm sure you're sick of it!) Anyway, we had a good time. I finally got to play Guitar Hero for the first time ever. And, yeah, I suck. The awesome part about that game is that even if you suck, it's still fun, so you want to keep trying. We played games, we ate, we drank, and all was right with the world.

Sunday, The Hubs and I lounged around, and did a little post-party cleaning. I forced him to watch an entire day of Jon & Kate Plus 8, which I'm sure he's silently resenting me for. The dynamic between Jon & Kate is so strange, with her being so mean to him sometimes, but I guess that comes with the territory. I think they really try to be great parents to all 8 kids, though, which is totally commendable. The reason I watch, though, is totally because of the kids. They are just too freaking cute...and Aaden melts my heart with his little glasses. I just can't take it.

He's too cute!

Anyway, hopefully this week is better than the last. I'm going to try to have my Cardio Dance class again, and we'll see how that goes. I'm going to try to stick to my medicine and foods. We'll see how that goes. I don't have anything on the calendar that I'm particularly dreading this week. We'll see how that goes. I think it won't be very hard for this week to be better than the last.

I've got high hopes, people. High, apple pie in the sky, hopes.

"Pour your misery down, Pour your misery down on me..."

("Only Happy When It Rains" by Garbage).

Oh, what a week. Seriously, I was pretty done with it by Wednesday, and then yesterday just made it worse.

Monday was the bday, as you all know. It was very nice. The Hubs and I went to Olive Garden, where I could imbibe on my traditional birthday drink of choice: Berry Sangria. So freaking yumm-o!

Tuesday, nothing much happened, except for the fact that I spent hours prepping for my Wednesday Cardio Dance class. I taught myelf a new dance, and The Hubs helped me make cds with all the right songs.

Wednesday is when the shit started hitting the fan. All it took was one event to make all of the subconscious stress I had lurking around in my head/body bubble up unavoidably to the surface. I honestly did not realize that I am as stressed as I am. That is, I didn't realize it until people started disappearing from work. A good friend of mine came up to me and told me that she was heading out - she had been "let go". And then I realized that the guy two cubes in front of me never came back from lunch. And the picture of him and his girlfriend was gone from his desk. And then the panic set in. One of the HR guys kept passing by my desk with employee files in his hand, and walking into my boss' office. Every single time he passed, I thought I was for sure the next one to go. My job isn't totally something the company HAS to have. If they're so desperate that they are firing some of the best employees we've got, what's to stop them from getting rid of me?

I can honestly say that for the first time in my life, I actually had a small panic attack. My heart was racing for the whole last hour of the day. In the end, I did not get fired, but 8 others did. And who's to say that I won't be in the next round? Even the owner of our company told us all in a meeting the next day that he can't guarantee that anyone's job is safe. Now that's reassuring!

So, I couldn't wait to leave on Wednesday, because that meant I wasn't getting fired (at least until tomorrow, anyway), but I had to stay and teach my very first Cardio Dance class. The same class that several people had committed to coming to, and countless others had patted me on the back for..."That's such a good idea!", "Oh, it sounds like so much fun!" "Great thinking!".

Aaaaaaaand...no one showed up.

At the time, I wasn't really upset, because it meant that I didn't have to go through the whole "let's teach my peers something that could make me look really stupid" thing. But then I got home, and just broke the fuck down. Poor Hubs.

I really think it was just a combination of getting myself so worked up over the firings, and no one showing up for a class that I worked really hard on, and all this crazy birthday party drama that The Kids keep throwing on me, and trying to plan this stupid trip to Gatlinburg and a camping trip, and I had just had enough. I cried and cried and cried, and then laid down in bed and didn't get back up until Thursday.

Oh, Thursday... if Wednesday was bad, then Thursday was uber bad. Bad on steroids. The Incredible Hulk of bad. Not only was I still stressing out about everything from the day before, but (as previously mentioned) one of the owners of our company came and had a big meeting about how dismal the economy is, and it's so much worse than we thought, and we had to let all these people go, and we may be letting more of you go if it doesn't get any better, but you need to work twice as hard, and do more with less, and that's just kind of how it's going to be. Fun times!

And then I got to spend all day answering the question, "How was your class last night?!" with "Oh, um...It would have been great had anyone bothered to show up. Yep, I'm a loser. Thanks for reminding me. " (Or something like that).

And then we decided to cancel the Gatlinburg trip. One of my favorite things in the whole world, now indefinitely postponed. It's all about money. Fucking money. I hate it. But I understand why we had to cancel.

And then I decided to cancel my drama filled birthday party. Or at least scale it down a bit, and dis-invite the drama filled people. Ironically, cancelling my own birthday bash is one of the only things I've done this week that has made me feel somewhat less stressed out.

And then, there was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. I just found out my job's in danger. I've been repeatedly forced to explain to people that I'm a loser. I'm not taking a trip I was really excited for. I'm not having a big birthday celebration. Now it's time for lunch.

MFN and I walked into our little lunch room (which has basically floor to ceiling windows on every wall) and saw a Mamma goose nesting an egg that she had just laid. The Daddy goose was standing guard, like they always do. MFN and I spent some time talking about how we know that they are annoying, but it's still really nice to see the process of life, and the Daddy being so protective, and how amazing it is that the Momma instinctively knows exactly what she needs to do to have a healthy baby.

In walks our security guard, whos job partly consists of shooing the geese off of our property. MFN tells him that the goose had laid an egg, and he decides to go on an egg extingushing mission. He asked me for the grocery bag I had brought my lunch in, and I refused to give it to him. I told him I didn't want any part of it, and asked him not to do it, because I just think it's cruel to kill something for no good reason. He continued out the door on his mission, and I left the room because I just couldn't stand there and watch him do this. After he came back in the building, I went back in the lunch room to try and eat my lunch. The Momma and Daddy goose came back to her nest like "Where's my baby?!" and I couldn't take it anymore.

I went to the bathroom and cried. Not just over the damn geese, but over everything that has been going on this week. And the damn geese. The way I see it, if it is your job to keep them from nesting, then keep them from nesting. But if you don't do your job, and they do nest? Leave them alone! I just don't think it's right to go and kill the babies.

All this crap has just pulled me down into a really dark funk. Today was a little better than the past two days have been, but I just can't seem to bring myself out of it. I'm overwhelmed. I'm stressed. I'm pissed. I'm annoyed.

I'm ready for the weekend. And a drink.

Creeper Update...

Another hit from eHarmony.com on my stat counter at about noon today.

Katy brings up a good point, that they may not necessarily be looking for negative language, but any sort of traffic at all.

I agree with her when she says "...that being said, it's still creepy".

Oh well...

"Life goes on, and so do we,
Just how we do it is no mystery,
One by one, we fill the days,
We find a thousand different ways."

(Name that tv theme song!)

"I always feel like, somebody's watchin' me..."

"Somebody's Watchin' Me" by Rockwell.

So, I've got to share something just a little bit creepy with you all. First, in the interest of full disclosure, here's the deal:

I have a temporary stat counter on this blog that I put in place about a week ago just to see what kind of traffic it was getting. It's a free counter, which will only count up to 500 visitors, so it gives me very limited information for a very limited time. It's been great, because I've found out that people from all over the US and Canada have read my stuff. Also, I've had some hits from France, Germany, Peru, The UK, South Africa and Slovenia (mostly from internet searches for song lyrics, they come across my titles). I think that's amazing!

Well, I have to say, I'm really happy I had it in place because it helped me solidify my opinion that eHarmony is not a good company. Now, I admit that I have somewhat limited understanding about the backdoor world of the internet, so I guess there is a chance that what happened is perfectly normal or has a logical explanation...but it seems pretty creepy to me.

I posted "Birthday Indulgences" at about 1:40 yesterday afternoon. You might have read it - I expressed my discontent with eHarmony, their ownership of Wedingbee, and the fact that they are anti-LGBTQ. About 4 hours later, my stat counter shows a hit from an IP address at eHarmony.com (the business, not the website) in Pasadena, California. Creepy much?! Are they seriously checking up on people who express a negative opinion of their company?! I have to say, I've never been so thankful for the First Amendment in my life!

Now, as I stated before, there could be a more logical explanation than the inference that eHarmony is in the routine practice of searching for negative noise in random blogs. If you can think of another explanation, please let me know.

Maybe then I'll feel a little less dirty. :-)

Birthday Indulgences

I used to be addicted to Weddingbee. I could spend hours on that site, no problem. Sadly, one day, the owner of the site sold it to eHarmony, and I could no longer visit the site with a clear conscience. eHarmony is notoriously anti-LGBTQ (if you're wondering, that stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bi-Sexual, Transgender, and Queer/Questioning). I am not anti-LGBTQ. In the slightest. Several bees ended up leaving the site for this very reason, and I felt in my heart that I needed to do the same. (Which is also the reason I did not make their name 'clickable' above. Every time you click on a page, eHarmony makes money).

What could this possibly have to do with these ring pictures, you ask? Well, I am only human, and found it very hard to quit Weddingbee cold turkey. I only visit the site once every blue moon now, and on one of those visits, they were doing tutorials on how to get great ring shots, and readers sent in their own engagement ring pictures. The Hubs was away one weekend, so I found every object I could that would make an interesting background, and set up a mini studio on our bed. Out of a zillion pictures, I got about 8 good ones. These are the best of the 8.

The reason this post is called "Birthday Indulgences" is because I know you could probably care less about my rings. It may even come off as though I'm bragging. Trust me, I'm not. I just really like my rings, and I pleasantly surprised myself when I got some half-way decent photos.

I'm indulging in things that make me happy today, and this is one of them.

:-)

"...Just one more candle and a trip around the sun..."

("Trip Around the Sun" by Jimmy Buffett with Martina McBride).



Today is my 27th birthday.

Now, because for some reason I've been crying at the drop of a hat lately, rather than get all introspective and thoughtful (because I hate to cry at work), I'll just tell you that I'm a big fan of birthdays. And that my birthday present from The Hubs was Horton Hears a Who (which also makes me cry - I mean, come on - "A person's a person, no matter how small...").

Oh, and that Monday Weigh-In's don't exist on your birthday. That, or I just really, really hated the number I saw today. Either way, it's my birthday, and I'll ignore it if I want to.

You know what would make this birthday great? A comment from you!

Have a great week, all!

Very important update...

I heart yoga.

That is all.

"It just takes some time, little girl, you're in the middle of the ride. Everything will be just fine. Everything, everything will be allright..."

"Hey, don't write yourself off yet,
It's only in your head you feel left out,
Or looked down on.
Just try your best,
Try everything that you can,
And don't you worry what they tell themselves
While you're away..."

("The Middle" by Jimmy Eat World).

Well, Monday's post was a bummer, and I'm an eternal optimist, so I figured I needed to balance out all that negativity with some good thoughts. Here we go...

I have been doing an awesome job remembering to test my blood sugar in the morning and after dinner. It really helps that I set an alarm on my phone. I'm supposed to test two hours after I eat dinner, so I usually forget. Now that I have an alarm, I don't!

I have stuck to the 2,000 calorie (or very close to it) limit every day this week so far. Even the day that we got Olive Garden take-out! Yes, I'm proud.

I've been moving my butt every day. Monday, MFN and I did the 5 flights of steps here at work, twice in a row. Yes, I almost died, but I made it up those damn steps. Nothing like a set of stairs to make you realize exactly how out of shape you are. Hopefully one day soon, I'll do those two sets without stopping, or pulling myself up with the railing. I hate those steps, and I will beat them.

Tuesday, I did a 35 minute fast walk on the treadmill at a (whopping!) 1% incline. 35 minutes, a mile and a half, around 200 calories or so burned off. Really, The Biggest Loser is the best motivation out there. I just can't sit on my ass and watch those people, who weigh a hell of a lot more than I do, work their butts off. Inevitably, I have to get up and get on that treadmill while I watch the show.

Yesterday, MFN and I did those damn stairs again, which was harder than the first time because both of our calves were killing us. We did two sets, though. And we'll probably do them today.

Today, I've got my very first Yoga class ever. I'm really excited, since I know a lot of people who love it. It's only the second class I will have taken at work. I took the first boot camp class, and really hated it. It's not the type of workout I do. I really have to enjoy it to do it, and that? That was not enjoyable.

Speaking of enjoying your workouts...I'm running a new fitness class at work. Starting next Wednesday, I'll be facilitating a Cardio Dance class! It sounds more difficult than it is, though. We'll basically just be doing every fun line dance imagineable. I just want to get people moving, and get some cardio in our class schedule. We're going to be doing the Cha Cha Slide, Cupid Shuffle, Electric Slide, the Hustle, and some others. Do you have any favorite line dances that I haven't listed? I'm really excited about this!

In other (random but good) news:


Spring is on the way! And unlike last year, there's no chance of a freak blizzard on my birthday (which is fast approaching)! Woot! With spring comes sunshine, and rain (which I love!), and leaves on the trees again! And it means a trip to Gatlinburg.

I heart Gatlinburg, Tennessee. Have I ever told you that? I have been there at least every couple of years, my whole life. I have an immeasureable amount of memories of go carts in Pigeon Forge, Hillbilly Golf, and the Sky Lift, and the Smoky Mountains. One of my favorites? Lets just say it involves The BFF and I when we were younger, and had elements of not telling our parents, a car wreck, cops, and pepper spray! Intrigued? I bet.

Another one of my favorites? The Hubs and I stayed in this amazing chalet for our honeymoon. And now, a little over 6 months since that amazing trip, we're going back. In late April, we'll be joined by The BFF/BF and possibly by Candice and Harby-Man for a nice, long weekend in the mountains. I. Can't. Wait.

We've also got a camping trip in the works for May, but we're having some scheduling difficulties. I really hope we can go, because I've never been! Of course, it's not extreme camping out in the middle of nowhere, but there will be sleeping in tents, and hamburgers, and beer. Sounds great to me! And, I want to go because The Hubs is an Eagle Scout and I feel like I need to prove that I can do it. We'll see...

So there's your random post chock full o' good news. I'm achieving my goals this week, my birthday is in 4 days, spring is coming, and trips are planned! All good stuff...I can't wait!

What are you most looking forward to this spring?

"I gotta get through this, gotta make it, gotta make it, gotta make it through"

("Gotta Get Through This" by Daniel Bedingfield)

Let's start off with my goals from last week:

Take Metformin (my blood sugar medicine) daily: 6/7
Test blood sugar in a.m. daily: 6/7
Test blood sugar after dinner daily: 5/7
Consume less than 2,000 calories daily: 3/7
Treadmill or other cardio at least 3 hours this week: 0/3 big, fat goose egg, baby!

Big improvements in the blood sugar/medicine area, but a big fat nothing in the diet/exercise area for yours truly. And speaking of the diet...

254.8

I am 5.2 pounds down, but 8.8 pounds behind my goal. I wish I could just get back into that mindset I had a month ago! I was so gung-ho about everything, and actually working toward my goal. I have to admit, the .6 pound loss this week must have been pure luck. I actually lost a little weight in spite of one ill-fated trip to Applebees with The Hubs' parents, and a three-birthday (The Hubs, me, and one of my little cousins) birthday party yesterday.

I really need to get back into this. Like, now. Well, like, yesterday. But now. I have to stop making excuses, and do it. I need to get my ass on that treadmill. I need to stop eating whatever crap I want. It's not too late yet - it's only the beginning of March. I don't want to be writing this in June, and then in September, and then in December, and realize I've blown my chance. I've gotta get through this.

Uugh. What kind of cruel joke is it that it's so easy to put the weight on, and almost freaking impossible to take it back off?!?! Right now, I'm just so close to a pity party, it's not even funny. I just want to cross my arms, and stomp my feet, and say "It isn't fair! It isn't fair!" over and over again. I want to hate every single skinny woman in the world, and hold a grudge against every swimsuit and clothing designer that ever existed, and say, "hey you! why don't you make anything that looks even remotely stylish? Why don't you want fat women to feel good about themselves?!"

Which, of course, I know won't fix my problem. If hosting a self-pity party burned calories, I'd be Twiggy. (Who, by the way, I would never wish to emulate. She looked so emaciated in the 60's!)

The whole diet thing is totally a mind game. I know it is. In order for me to lose weight, I have to change the way I think about food, and dieting, and exercise. The Navy Wife's dad just lost a lot of weight doing a hospital sanctioned liquid diet. He had to reintroduce food into his life and completely reprogram himself about the way he looked at food. For some reason, something in me just does not want to be that person who always has healthy eating/exercise on the brain. Someone who let their diet (allbeit successful) take over their life.

I don't know why, I just feel like I would be missing out on something. What? I don't know, but we were just talking about this at girls' night a couple of weeks ago. When I got the news that we were going to have to go to Chicago for baby Tyler's funeral, I went to BW3's for lunch and drowned my sorrows in honey barbeque sauce. When we actually took the trip, we ate McDonalds and Burger King, and I didn't even attempt to find healthier alternatives. And I said to The BFF during girls' night, "You know, sometimes there are more important things in life than dieting". And I really, truly believe that. But to that person I was talking about above, there isn't anything more important than sticking to his/her diet and exercise.

As much as I don't want to be that person, I think I need to be that person. I have to make this freaking weight loss my number one priority. My number one thought. I can't just forget about it when ever something out of the norm happens. I can't just say, "I'm having a bad day. I deserve to eat what ever I want". I don't deserve it. I haven't done anything to deserve it. Maybe, when I've lost 20 pounds, and I really want a slice of cake? Maybe then I'll deserve it, but now, I don't.

I have a real problem with telling myself "no". In my little head, I'm like, "hey, you're an adult. No one can tell you not to eat/buy/do that. You want to? Go ahead! It's the fun part of growing up!" Then my little head conveniently, and forcefully pushes that whole "consequences" part into a dark, cob-web filled corner, to be forgotten, and I turned myself into a fat, indebted girl with a couple regrets. I really need to face the music and pay more attention to the consequences part of being an adult...but really, who wants to do that? It's such a downer.

I wish I were a kid again.

Guess what I am? Here's your hint. Child hood game, someone's "it", runs around and tries to get other people?

Yep, I've been tagged. Katy at Follow Me To I Do tagged me by default...apparently it's dangerous to be a "Follower". LOL

Anyway, here are the rules...Open the folder with all of your photos. Open your 6th photo folder. Take your 6th photo in that folder and blog it. Write something about it. Tag 6 fellow bloggers to do the same.

This picture is from May of last year, when I was still planning my wedding. The BFF, The MIL and I all went to the Bridal Expo at our city's convention center. This was the fashion show, complete with male "strippers". Hey, I'm not saying "no" to a little free eye candy every now and then!

I think this 'tag' stinks because I have so many more interesting photos than this one! I was totally tempted to cheat and pick out a better one, but you've gotta learn to play by the rules at some point in your life, right? :-)

Well, I'm tagging:

Irene at My Red Kitchen

The BFF at Samantha's Saga

MFN at Monkeyface and Baldy

Amber at The Border of Reality

Jen at Happily Ever After

Lyndsey at I Could Do A Lot In Fifteen Minutes

And my work here is done.

"Fresh and full of life..."

Am I the only person out there who can't start a roll of Fruity Mentos without finishing it?!

Surely I'm not alone.

I hope.

...anyone?

Back to the Future

So yesterday I told you all about how we knew that we would be using the Back to the Future theme song in the wedding. Today, I figured it's only fair to show you the video of the proposal.

Plus, I just really like to watch it. LOL.

A few things you should know:

The Hubs knew that I wanted a few things to happen when he proposed. My perfect proposal would 1) have taken some sort of effort on his behalf to pull off 2) would be done in public and 3) would be videotaped for posterity. Later on, I felt like I was putting too much pressure on the guy who would rather blend into the background than be in the spotlight, so I told him that it didn't have to be in public, but it DID have to be videotaped somehow.

I absolutely love fireworks. The Hubs' and my very first date was to a small county fireworks show on the 4th of July, and every year my city throws a HUGE Labor Day bash where hundreds of thousands of people head toward the river banks to watch the biggest fireworks display in the Midwest. The Hubs and I haven't missed a year since we started dating, and we go down the day before to mark our territory with duct tape, dollar store shower curtain liners, and Sharpies. The Hubs knows it's one of my favorite things in the whole wide world, despite the crazy crowds and the heat.

So it wasn't a big surprise when we decided to go to the fireworks in 2007. Little did I know, he was planning the most perfect proposal ever...

We had picked out my engagement ring back in February, so I knew the proposal could be at any time. Jack got two of The Kids to come along, Candice (who did our reading) and Harby-Man (the best man, who you can hear saying "we're probably standing in peoples' way..." at the beginning of the video. ) Harby videotaped, I obliviously reveled in one of my favorite experiences, and The Hubs sat there sweating it the whole time. (Some other day, I'll tell you about how he actually lost the ring earlier that day...)

Well, the time came, and he said "It all started with the fireworks, didn't it?" and the rest, you can see on this video.

A couple of things to notice:

1. At about :23 in, The Hubs gives a creepy look to Harby-Man. He was making sure the video was going.
2. At about 1:10, the Back to the Future Theme starts. 1:53 is my favorite part, and in my head, I hear those fireworks crackling every time I hear that part of the song.
3. At about 1:32, you can hear me say "Can we sit down now?!" because we had been standing in peoples' way for about 2 minutes at that point.

Enjoy!

"For once in my life" Part Two: The Ceremony

I spent a lot of time on our ceremony. In fact, I researched it, and wrote the whole darn thing by myself. (With some input from The Hubs, of course). Even though our ceremony was in a church, it was very important that we have a ceremony that was more spiritual than religious.

Early on, we had planned on getting married at the reception hall. This proved to be way too much drama with the hall management, so we had to find an alternate place. Meanwhile, we had already paid a non-denominational pastor his deposit. Luckily, we found a "Community Church" who was willing to let us get married there without joining or going through weeks of marriage counseling, and *bonus* even let us bring in our own pastor!

Music wise, I had a hard time picking everything out but the recessional. That was pretty much set the day we got engaged.

The Pastor and The Hubs, The Parents (all 3 sets!), and The Bridal Party all processed to Gary Schnitzer's Version of Pachelbel's "Canon in D". While I love "Canon in D", I did everything I could to find another song to use for the processional. It has just been way over used in the weddings I've attended or seen on TV in the past couple of years. In the end, though, it was perfect, and nothing else would have been right. Guess that's why so many people use it, ya think?

(The Hubs' Parents. Awesome folks!)

(MFN and The Hubs' friend Greg).

My father (who apparently forgot how to smile that day) and I walked down the aisle to a traditional version of "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring".

There wasn't any music during the ceremony, but I'll share with you our two readings:

First, one of "The Kids", Candice, read "The Blessing of the Hands"

“These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and full of love for you, that are holding yours on your wedding day, as you promise to love each other today, tomorrow, and forever. These are the hands that will work alongside yours, as together you build your future. These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, and with the slightest touch, will comfort you like no other. These are the hands that will hold you when fear or grief fills your mind. These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes; tears of sorrow, and as in today, tears of joy. These are the hands that will tenderly hold your children, the hands that will help you to hold your family as one. These are the hands that will give you strength when you need it. And lastly, these are the hands that even when wrinkled and aged, will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch.”

And later in the ceremony, after we had said our vows, my Step-Dad read "The Blessing For a Marriage" by James Dillet Freeman.

“May your marriage bring you all the exquisite excitements a marriage should bring, and may life grant you also patience, tolerance, and understanding. May you always need one another -- not so much to fill your emptiness as to help you to know your fullness. A mountain needs a valley to be complete. The valley does not make the mountain less, but more. And the valley is more a valley because it has a mountain towering over it. So let it be with you and you.

May you need one another, but not out of weakness. May you want one another, but not out of lack. May you entice one another, but not compel one another. May you embrace one another, but not out encircle one another. May you succeed in all-important ways with one another, and not fail in the little graces. May you look for things to praise, often say, "I love you!" and take no notice of small faults. If you have quarrels that push you apart, may both of you hope to have good sense enough to take the first step back.

May you enter into the mystery that is the awareness of one another's presence -- no more physical than spiritual, warm and near when you are side by side, and warm and near when you are in separate rooms or even distant cities. May you have happiness, and may you find it making one another happy. May you have love, and may you find it loving one another.”

After our unity ceremony, and of course, our kiss, we were husband and wife! You know how I told you earlier that our recessional song was chosen for us the day we got engaged? He proposed during my favorite thing - fireworks - and the perfect song came on just as I said yes.

We walked down the aisle together for the first time as man and wife to the "Back to the Future Theme". When ever I hear that song, I automatically think of the day I got engaged to the man of my dreams. It was the perfect ending to our beginning.

Here's The BFF (a.k.a. The MoHGuyver for the many amazing things she did that day) and The Best Man leaving the church:

Next up: The Reception (but not until I get me some sleep!)

"For once in my life, I've got someone who needs me..."

("For Once In My Life", originally by Stevie Wonder, but for this blog's purposes is sung by Michael Buble).

I thought it would be fun to do a "My Wedding, In Music" post, littered with lots of lovely pictures from that amazing day, so here you go!

In this post: The Wedding Slideshow.

We had a slideshow that played while our guests were arriving, and had we not had a 12-year-old sound technician who didn't know how to operate his equipment, we would have had these songs along with it: (I can't remember the exact order they were in, but here ya go).

"Wouldn't It Be Nice" - The Beach Boys
"Come Fly With Me" - Michael Buble

(Cute Baby Hubs, 1979)

"Stuck On You" - Elvis Presley

"Come Go With Me" - The Del Vikings

(Cool Hat Hubs, Circa 1982)

"L.O.V.E." - Michael Buble

(Video Game Obsessed Hubs, circa 1987. He's still got that Nintendo. It still works. I'm a Tetris Queen, thankyouverymuch.)

"At Last" - Etta James

(Being Eaten By A Wolf Hubs, 2006)

"Burnin' Love" - Elvis Presley

(Mrs. B. 1982. That big red thing on my head is a strawberry birth mark that thankfully went away by the time I was 3).

"This Magic Moment" - Jay and the Americans

(Mrs. B. circa 1984-85. That thing between my legs? My binky. You wouldn't catch me without it.)

"The Best Is Yet To Come" - Michael Buble (Can you tell I like the guy?)

(The only time you will EVER see Mrs. B. in a bikini, circa 1986-87)

"You Send Me" - Sam Cooke

and "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" - Michael Buble

(Mrs. B. Freshman Year of High School, 1996)

There were about 10-12 pictures of us through the years, I just thought I'd pick the ones you might laugh at the most. What a good blogger friend I am! :-)

Up next: The Ceremony

"Now that it's raining more than ever, Know that we'll still have each other, You can stand under my umbrella, You can stand under my umbrella..."

("Umbrella" by Rihanna).

Long post today, sorry!

When it rains, it pours. This past week has really sucked.

Let's start with a little background: my Dad has been best friends with this one guy since high school, so I've known him my whole life. Naturally, I've known his children my whole life, too. One of his daughters is two years older than me, and we've stayed in touch through the years. She married a Seaman, I was in her wedding. I married The Hubs, she was in mine.

She got pregnant (with her 4th son) the summer before The Hubs and I got married, and she called me up in a panic. She was so scared that I was going to be mad at her for being pregnant during the wedding, and she wanted to make sure I wasn't going to freak out or kick her out of the wedding or anything. Of course, I told her I didn't care if she was pregnant and that I wasn't worried one bit about the dresses or any part of it. Here we are the day of my wedding. Me, The Navy Wife, and baby Tyler at about four months along, chillin' in her belly:

Fast forward almost four months to the day, and The Hubs and I are meandering around Kohl's on Valentine's night. My phone rings, and it's my dad.

"Hey Dad. What's up?"
"Not much, I've got some bad news."
"Okay, what happened?"
"(The Navy Wife) lost her baby."

She was less than five weeks from her due date. She had a regular doctor's appointment on Monday, and everything was fine. Saturday morning she woke up, and knew something was wrong. She told me later that she just felt like something had happened. Mother's intuition absolutely amazes me.

She went to the doctor, they did an ultrasound, and discovered that the baby was dying. Even if they had done an emergency c-section, it would have been to late. They enduced her labor later that night, and she had to give birth to her fourth son knowing he was already gone. That's the part that gets me every time I think about it. I just can't imagine how hard that must have been for her.

We found out on Thursday that Tyler's funeral service was going to be Friday in Chicago, so I called The Hubs at work, and told him we had to go.

By 4:26 am on Friday morning, I was already showered and dressed. We were on the road at 5:13. We saw the sun rise somewhere along I-70 in Indiana:

And we got to Chicago with about an hour to spare before the viewing. You know, no matter how prepared you think you are, really, you're never ready to handle a baby's funeral. A Navy Chaplain presided over the service, and then we caravan-ed to the cemetery. Because The Navy Wife's husband is still on active duty, and could be sent anywhere in the country or the world, they decided to have Tyler's body cremated. This way, they can take him with them wherever they end up. At the cemetary mausoleum, The Navy Wife placed his urn into a small glass display case along with a small blanket and a plaque with his name, and a single date: 02/14/09. It was one of the saddest experiences of my life.

After spending some time with the family at their home, we left for our return trip. The second 7 hour drive that day. We got home and in bed a little after 1 am, twenty hours after we left the house to start the trip. It was totally worth it, and I would do it again in a heart beat.

So that was downpour number 1 last week. Downpour number 2? The BFF found out she has a fibroid tumor the size of an orange making a home for itself in her uterus. She's been having rough periods, bad cramps, and the occasional fainting spell for years now, so this explains a lot. She's (obviously) devastated because the only "cure" for fibroids is a hysterectomy, and she plans on having kids some day. She's only 26, dude! She shouldn't have to be dealing with that reality. But she is. And she's finding her own way to deal with it - namely through humor. The tumor now has a name - it's Tulula. We decided (on girls' night, no less) that if it ever popped out of her stomach like in the Alien movie, we hoped it would be more like Spaceballs...

"Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime gaaaaaaaaaaaal..." Yes, disgusting, I know, but funny. And I'm up for whatever helps her through it.

So now, she's focusing her energy on finding any info she can on possible solutions other than a hysterectomy. She'll beat this. I know she will. In the meantime, she can stand under my umbrella, ella, ella.

And finally, the third downpour: my cousin, who had a very difficult time getting pregnant, and suffered one previous miscarriage, had her baby last week. We were concerned because the little girl (Katie!) had to stay in the hospital for jaundice and have some EKGs done, but she got to go home with Mommy and Daddy this weekend! Yay! So there's one reproductive downpour with a rainbow at the end.

So rather than leave you all stunned and sad after reading this post, I'll make a possibly futile attempt at the light-hearted topics. The good parts of my weekend/life: Saturday night Girls' Night with The BFF and Tonja. (I just realized that Tonja is one of the only people on this blog that I don't have a pseudonym for. I'll have to work on that. For now, she's Tonja.) We ate at O'Charley's again (a girls' night favorite) and then went to see the requisite girls' night chick flick:

Now, I own the series of books. I like them. But somehow, I came away from this movie annoyed, and angry, and depressed. So annoyed, in fact, that I don't even care if you have plans to see it, I'm going to ruin the plot and ending for you. (Fair warning). Cliffs Notes version: She lives in NY, shops a lot, and runs up $16,000 worth of credit card bills on Gucci and Prada and Burberry. She gets hounded by a mean old collections agent, sells all her Gucci and Prada and Burberry, and magically pays the collections agent off in pennies.

Here's the thing. I've mentioned here before that one of my goals in life is to get out of debt, or to at least get it under manageable control. I'm doing it, and I'm proud. But there have been times in my life that I have been hounded by collections agencies. Everything the collections agent does in this movie is ILLEGAL in real life. He comes to her house, he hounds her for the money while she's live on TV, he tells other agents to tell debtors he will take everything they have away from them, humiliate them, harrass them, send them to jail, etc. All of which are downright illegal.

1. I'm annoyed that the movie's producers allowed such blatant falseties to be shown. It ruined the believability and enjoyment for me since I know that could never really happen.
2. I'm annoyed because those people in the world who aren't aware of their rights as a debtor will walk away from that movie thinking that the people who are hounding them can do the same things.

The other thing that absolutely pisses me off about this movie: she solves her problem by magically selling off the $16,000 in fancy-pants clothing and accessories in her closet. Wow! That was easy! Are you kidding me?!?! Name one person in America who has creditors breathing down her back who can just basically twiddle her nose and solve her problem Bewitched style? For those of us who are struggling to meet their responsibilities, she being able to fix it with no struggle whatsoever? It's a slap in the face.

Yes, I know the movie is a chick flick. Yes, I know it's supposed to be unbelievable, lighthearted, and you are supposed to fix every problem in less than two hours. It just struck a nerve. The movie wasn't a total loss, though. There are a couple of absolutely hilarious scenes - the dancing scene for one. Cracked. Me. Up.

So in case you're following along, here's a Girls' Night Movie Recap:

Bride Wars: B+

He's Just Not That Into You: A-

Confessions of a Shopaholic: C -

That's just one girl's opinion, though.

Oh, and you didn't think I'd write a ridiculously long post without mentioning the diet, did you? It was, after all, the reason I started this blog, even though it has morphed into something else lately.

I lost .2 pounds, bringing me in at 255.4 for the week. I'm seriously amazed, since horrible news and an impromptu trip to Chicago left much to be desired on the diet front. It is what it is. I just need to get back on that freaking treadmill and get back on track. I'm having a really hard time motivating myself to do that. Help?

Here's hoping your week is sunny and umbrella-free!

Up to the minute update update

I made it home without killing anyone, and had 1,000 calories worth of tacos for dinner.

Diet 1, McDonald's 0.

Thanks for the support, Katy! :)

Up to the minute updates...

Somebody in this office has McDonalds.

I can smell it, and I'm going to kill them.

So maybe this diet thing isn't so easy, after all. Hmmm.

"Soy un perdedor, I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?"

("Loser" by Beck)

Well, technically, I'm not a loser. I'm a gainer. As in, I gained .6 pounds since last week. Bah.

But in another sense, technically, I am a loser, since I'm competing in my company's Biggest Loser Challenge starting today. Would you like to know what kind of humiliation this entailed? Well, I'll tell you, because I'm such a good blogger-friend.

First I had to take part in a fasting health screening, which meant nothing but water for me for at least 9 hours before the tests. The good news? The technician didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. My blood sugar was in the "Diabetic" range, surprise, surprise. My 'bad' cholesteral was a little high, but my good cholesteral was really high, so they kind of cancel each other out. My blood pressure was high (for the first time in my life. ever.) but both the technician and I attribute that to some very bad news I got over the weekend. (A close friend of mine suffered a terrible loss, and I'll leave it at that). But anyway, all in all, my health screening went exactly how I thought it would. I'm overweight, I'm diabetic, I have super good cholesterols.

Now, I know you're all sitting there saying, "well, that's not humiliating, now is it?". Just you wait.

After I finished my health screening, I had to go give my $20 entry fee to The Gatekeeper for TBL Challenge. Basically, this person is responsible for collecting the money, collecting the starting weights (by way of an official weigh-in in her office), and keeping a list of everyone who is participating. This is all fine and dandy, unless The Gatekeeper ends up being your boss.

So today, I walked into my boss' office and gave her $20 to watch me step on a scale and record my weight. Great! Best day at the office I ever had! Not.

It's not really a matter of not trusting her to keep things secret. I know she will. Really, it's just the fact that my boss is one of the skinniest people I have ever met, and whether you like to admit it or not, people have opinions and pre-conceived notions about obese people. I know that she could tell that I'm overweight by looking at me, but it's two different things to see someone and say, oh, I bet they weigh such-and-such, than to actually have proof of how much they weigh. I've never been met with anything other than shock when I have disclosed my actual weight to friends. They NEVER think I look like I actually weigh that much, so I can't even imagine the shock of my super-skinny boss when I stepped on that scale and she got the numbers. I'm wondering how it changed her view of me as a person.

Oh, incase you're wondering, here are the numbers. To cut down on the confusion, we're going to stick with my scale weight for this blog, which was 255.6. The scale in my boss' office said 256.2. Like I said earlier, I'm up .6 pounds. Bah.

So, anyway, TBL starts today. There is a mid-point leader prize of at least $100 which will be given away on April 20th, and then on May 18th the winner will get at least $200 and one vacation day. Just incase you're counting, that makes THREE times I get to be weighed by my boss. If you're having a hard time empathizing (is that a word?) for me, just go ahead, try to imagine walking into your boss' office, stepping on a scale, and then having him or her record your weight for prosperity. Three times. Yeah, thought so.

On an "I'm going to look at this whole thing as positively as possible or else I'll die" note, I'm really glad I'm on the Health and Wellness Committee. Being on the Committee has sort of forced me into the spotlight with the whole thing, because I had to speak at the Friday Pep Rally and I'm the one giving out all the TDP info. Everyone at the company knows I'm a part of it, and they expect me to do it and succeed. I need that motivation to keep me going - there's nothing I dread more than failing infront of a bunch of co-workers. Oh, except being repeatedly weighed by my boss. But I digress.

Part of the HWC's plan is to include on-site exercise classes. Starting this week, we've got a trainer from a local gym coming in, bringing all the necessary accoutrements, and teaching a class. Every Tuesday is Boot Camp, and every Thursday rotates between Pilates, Yoga and Total Body Sculpt for the next 10 weeks. I'm doing both classes this week, and I'm trying to recruit as many people as I can to join me. Although, I'm not really excited about shakin' it and getting all sweaty infront of my co-workers...but there could be more embarrassing things. (Like being repeatedly weighed by my boss...are you getting tired of hearing about that yet? :-))

I'll let you know how the classes go...I'm actually really excited about them because they are so convenient. How can you say no to working out at work? I don't have to drive to the gym, and I've got a great group of awesome friends going with me. I have a feeling it's going to be awesome.

In other news, here's what's going on: The Hubs got his financial aid approved to finish his Computer Network Engineering degree. Yay! He's going through the help of a Job Center, so basically that means they will pay for his schooling if he jumps through a bunch of bureaucratic hoops. Apparently he's a great hoop-jumper, because he finally got approved to start Spring Quarter, which begins March 31st. We sat down together last night and worked out his schedule.

Now, while I fully understand that this in no way compares to My Friend Natalie's (MFN from here on out) husband leaving for a year deployment in Iraq in March, I'm pretty damn depressed. He'll be gone Monday - Thursday from 6:30 am until 10:30 pm. He works until 3:45, and then will go straight to school to do homework and such until his night classes every night.

As if that wasn't bad enough, it's pretty much going to be this way for the next 2 years. You know those hoops? Well, he has to go full-time, every quarter (including Summer) until he's finished, and he must finish all of his degree requirements within two years. Yay, fun. I've lost my husband.

Truthfully, though, I know that this is all for the best. The salary in his degree field is pretty much double to triple what he's making now. He's our only hope to ever getting enough money saved up to get a house and get a life. (Me finishing my degree wouldn't change my job/salary situation any). I'm trying super hard not to be sad about everything, because I know it's hard on him already, and I don't want him to feel bad because I'm unhappy. I am happy that he's finally doing it. I'll be even happier when he gets that damn diploma.

So I guess that's it for now. I've spent most of my day answering questions on TDP, and avoiding the one person in the office whose girlfriend works for Sparkpeople. He has it out for me. LOL.

Such is life.

(and I'm really not thrilled about being repeatedly weighed by my boss. Can you tell?)

Have a great week!

Valentine's Day

Okay, so I'll be the first to admit that I'm one of those people who doesn't care about Valentine's Day unless she's got someone to celebrate it with. And since The Hubs married me, I get to care about it for the rest of my life!

Last year, it wasn't a big deal. I don't know why, but it just kind of came and went and there were some flowers and cards, but no big deal. This year, Jack was working on my Super Secret Gift, so I think that kind of upped the excitement quotient for me. I 'wasn't allowed' (read: we didn't have any) to spend any money on him, so I made him this:

It's (0bviously) a Valentine's Day Coupon Book filled with 12 coupons of various levels of raunch. I'll spare you the details. You're welcome. I handmade the coupons and the envelope using left over materials from the wedding. Total cost? $0.00 and about 3 (wo)man hours. He enjoyed it.

As for me, I finally got the one thing I've always wanted. I had asked The Ex about a million times, and I had severely hinted, and then finally flat-out begged The Hubs, and he came through. Of course he did, that's what he does. And that's why I married him (among various and numerous other reasons, of course).

Anyway, Jack called me at work during his lunch break on Wednesday "just to say hi". He never ever calls "just to say hi". But I didn't think anything of it. Then on Thursday, he called me during his lunch, but I didn't answer because I was on a conference call. Then he called again during his afternoon break. I'm thinking "boy, he's really missing me this week!" but then, about an hour later, I get these:

He had flowers delivered to my work! Yay! Finally! I have always wanted it - it's torture during holidays like these, when you see delivery guy after delivery guy coming in with huge bouquets of roses, and big heart balloons, and teddy bears, etc. and you never get anything. But I did! I don't need the huge bouquets, and the balloons, and the teddy bears. This was perfect, and colorful, and it made me happy.

And now, the moment we've all been waiting for, the revealing of the Super Secret Gift! Originally, this was meant to be a Christmas gift, so The Hubs also ended up not spending any money for me on Valentine's day, since he had already bought the materials. His man hours, however - there are probably over 20 man hours in this gift. It may not look complex, but The Hubs never does anything half way. And he made me something, which I just think is amazing, and totally sweet. So without further ado, here it is:

He made me a shadow box! I love it! He hand-stained the letters, carved out the center of the heart, painted it, and assembled the whole thing. Here are some close-ups:

I love it!

So last night, after we opened presents, we headed out to dinner. I had made us reservations at one of our favorite restaurants and we had a great meal. If you ever go there, you MUST get the Chicken Fried Chicken. It's hell on a diet, but man, does it taste good! It was so worth it! And then we had a city staple for desert.

Our night hit a few rough patches when we started talking about a couple of non-Valentines-y topics. I think I need to encorporate a moratorium on all non-lovey-dovey topics of conversation during Valentine, birthday, or anniversary dinners, just so that our night doesn't hit that temporary snag. All in all, though, it was a very nice night.

We got back home and went to bed, and The Hubs says "Do I have to use a coupon?"

LOL...I love that man.

Don't hate me...

Seven Deadly Sins Wrath
Who did you last get angry with?	Jack
What is your weapon of choice?	Words
Would you hit a member of the opposite sex?	If I had to.
How about the same sex?	Again, if I had to.
Who was the last person who got really angry at you?	Probably Jack.
What is your pet peeve?	Bad drivers and closed-minded people.
Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily?	I'm a keeper.
Sloth
What is one thing you're suppose to do daily that you haven't?	Work 8 hours.
What is the latest you've ever woken up?	Ever? Probably 1 or 2 pm when I was in high school.
Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't?	My grandparents.
What is the last lame excuse that you made?	I'm busy.
Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through?	Yep. I freaking love infomercials. LOL.
How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock this morning?	3. Every day.
Gluttony
What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice?	XS Energy Drinks. $2.50 for an 8.4 oz. can! Sheesh!
Are you a meat eater?	Yes, I'm definitely a carnivore.
What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event?	Way too much. But that was a long time ago.
Are you comfortable with your drinking and eating habits?	Drinking? Yes. Eating? We're working on that.
Do you enjoy candy and sweets?	As much as the next normal person.
Which do you prefer: sweets, salty foods or spicy foods?	None of the above. I like fried foods. Hence the fatness.
Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought, "lunch"?	Umm...no.
Greed
How many credit cards do you own?	None, but mostly because they won't give me any. LOL.
If you had a million dollars, what would you do with it?	Pay bills, finish degree.
Would you rather be rich or famous?	Rich.
Would you accept a boring job if it meant that you would make megabucks?	Hell yeah.
Pride
What's one thing that you have done that you're most proud of?	I'm creative.
What's one thing you have done that your parents are most proud of?	I didn't get knocked up out of wedlock.
What thing would you like to accomplish late in your life?	I'd like to travel the US and the world.
Do you get annoyed by coming in second place?	Nah. I'm comfortable with mediocrity.
Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors?	I don't think so.
Have you ever cheated to get a better score?	Yes.
What did you do today that you're proud of?	I ate a healthy breakfast.
Lust
How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies, family, strippers, locker rooms)?	Probably less than 10.
How many people have seen you naked (not counting physicians, doctors, family, locker rooms, or when you were a young child)?	Again, probably less than 10. (I hope!)
Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a person of your chosen sex during a normal conversation?	No.
What is your favorite body part of a person of your gender choice?	Arms
Have you ever had sexual encounters (including kissing/making out) with multiple persons?	I plead the fifth.
Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute?	Not that I know of.
Envy
What item of your friends would you most want to have for your own?	Specific item? Natalie's husband had a classic Corvette, but it's gone now.
Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with?	Sam because we have similar styles and she wouldn't let them do anything crazy.
If you could be anyone who existed in the world, who would you be?	Someone who is a good person and has expendable money.
Have you ever been cheated on?	Yep.
Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own?	All. the. freaking. time.
What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself?	Hard-workers.
What deadly sin...
Do you do the most often?	Gluttony
Do you do the least often?	Greed
Is your favorite to act on?	Sloth
Take this survey or other MySpace Surveys at PimpSurveys.com

Soyvey...oy vey!

Finish the sentence:

1. My ex: deserves the girl he ended up with.

2. Maybe I should: get to working on The Hubs' Valentine's gift.

3. I love: thunderstorms in the summertime.

4. People would say that I'm: silly.

5. I don't understand: why it matters to some people that gays want to get married.

6. When I wake up in the morning: I hit snooze 3 times. Every single morning.

7. I lost: 5 pounds in January!

8. My life is full of: awesome people.

9. My past is: chock full of mistakes.

10. I get annoyed when: The Hubs drives my car and leaves the Odometer on one of the trip meters instead of switching it back to the main number. Yes, I'm neurotic, and yes, he knew that before he married me.

11. Parties are: fun, but I can't last as long as I used to.

12. I wish: I could win the lottery. Cliche, I know, but oh so true.

13. Dogs: make life worth living. Although, I don't actually own a dog right now, so does that mean I should kill myself?

14. Cats: are cute when they are kittens, but not as much when they get older. Also, The Hubs is uber-allergic.

15. Tomorrow: is Wednesday. I have to cover the phones for the receptionist's lunch break.

16. I have a low tolerance: for closed-minded people. And bad drivers.

17. If I had a million dollars: I'd buy you a green dress. (But not a real green dress, that's cruel.) Seriously, though, I'd pay off all my bills and the Hubs and I would finish our degrees.

18. I'm totally terrified: of falling. One day, I'd like to go skydiving to get over that fear, but it will have to wait. Especially now that that guy just had to land himself on his first jump after his instructor died of a heart attack mid-air. Yeah. It's gonna have to wait.

19. Next month: is my birthday! And I love me some birthday!

20. In ten years, I hope: to have a family, a house and a dog, and to have my debt under control.

Repost this as "Finish the sentence..."

OMG...I love "about me" surveys. Does that make me conceited? Egotistical? Strange? I hope not.

:)

"Oh, simple thing, where have you gone? I'm getting old and I need something to rely on..."

(Keane, "Somewhere Only We Know").

Okay, so two-part post here, folks. Let's start with the weekend.

The BFF and Tonja and I had a girls' night planned, which worked out swimmingly with the fact that The Hubs was going up to his parents' house for the weekend to work on my much-anticipated, top-secret Valentine's Day gift, and I didn't want to go up there and spend the weekend simultaneously attempting to avoid The Hubs and The Mother-in-Law (The MIL, from now on). Not that I don't love her to pieces, and not that she's not an incredibly sweet, funny person, but she's just her. And sometimes that's a little too much for me.

Any-hoo. We had a girls' night planned for Saturday, that's the moral of the run-on sentence above. We went to a Pure Romance Warehouse Sale, because we're hip like that. If you're not from my neck of the woods, and don't know what Pure Romance is, basically, it's Avon or Pampered Chef, or PartyLite for, ahem, adult novelties. You can throw a Pure Romance party with all your girlfriends, or couples, and have a representative come to your house with all her goodies and she will tell you all about them, even demonstrate some products, etc. Basically, she wants you to buy them because she makes a commission. Anyway, every year before Valentine's Day, Pure Romance has a Warehouse Sale where they open their warehouse to the public and sell you all their stuff at supposedly discounted prices.

Let's just say I was less than impressed. First of all, it's a big honkin' warehouse, but there's only one little teeny tiny section of Rubbermaid bins on shelves for you to shop from. Secondly, it was packed in there, and there wasn't any sort of rhyme or reason to the flow of traffic. (See, there's that elusive OCD kicking in for your reading enjoyment...) Thirdly (is that a word?) I didn't really need anything there, so I was over it in about 5 minutes. The BFF and Tonja shopped around a bit, but I think the overall concensus was that it was disappointing. Oh well, I didn't need to spend any money anyway, and I'm sure Pure Romance will still be a thriving business without me.

Sidenote: for living in such a "conservative" mid-western city, there sure were lots of people at that warehouse sale...and the Hustler Hollywood in town is always booming. (Of course, for me to know that, I would have to have been there, and I never, ever would entertain the thought of entering such an establishment of ill repute. Uh huh. Never. ) But anyway, my point is, that people always say my city is soooo behind the times, and soooo conservative. And yes, I do live only one exit away from what is quite possibly the largest Jesus-coming-out-of-a-body-of-water-with-a-cross statue ever.

(Yeah, I'll bet you don't drive past one of these babies on your way too and from work every day) But my city really isn't that backwards. We have a very long way to go, but we do have a Pride Parade, and gay bars, and Pure Romance hasn't been outlawed...yet.

And, wow, did this post go somewhere I wasn't thinking it would go. Let's get back on track, shall we? We shopped, and then we went on to Girls' Night Phase Two...eating! What girls' night is complete without dinner, I ask you? So we had Red Robin (again, for those of you who are keeping track, that's my second trip to Red Robin in 8 days...and it's not even one of my favorite restaurants!) We had a yummy dinner, and Tonja had coctails (I just can't justify spending almost $8 on a drink!!!), and we had lots and lots of soul-cleansing, giggle-enducing, we-don't-do-this-often-enough, girl talk. My poor Hubs, Tonja's poor fiance, The BFF's poor BF. LOL. Good times, good times.

Then it was off to the movies! I love going to the movies...especially with the girls, since The Hubs absolutely refuses to go see a chick flick with me. Usually I have to bribe him, or make him feel guilty - I specifically remember having to do a trade-off to get him to see Enchanted with me, although for the life of me, I can't remember what it was that I had to do. Maybe I blocked it out. LOL. Anyway, the girls and I saw this:

And it. was. good.

The BFF and I have lived off of that book ever since Greg Behrendt (aka "Our Guru") wrote it, and it showed up on Sex and the City. Seriously. If you haven't read the book, and you're in a relationship that makes you sad more often than it makes you happy, leave, do not pass "Go", do not collect $200. Just go out and buy that book. I'm telling you, it all makes so much sense after that.

Anyway, the movie was good. Not amazing, not horrible. It was good. What made my day, however, was the end. I won't give it away, in case you plan to see it (which I recommend, btw), but in the last scene before the credits, they played my song. Which, coincidentally (not really) is the song that I quoted in the title of this post.

There was a while in my life where I was in one of the worst relationships imaginable that didn't involve actual physical abuse. Emotional abuse? Check! Cheating? Check! An immeasureable amount of lies? Check, check, check! And it went on for almost five years.

Well, technically, the first year was pretty good, but from there, it was just a slow, torturous, excruciating downward spiral of being so deep in this relationship that neither of us wanted to let it go, yet subconsciously and consciously doing anything we could to get out of it, and then getting back together and thinking we could make it work. Oh. My. God. was I so much work for The BFF during those years!

At any rate, just about the time when I pretty much knew I had to get out of this relationship, and everything that I was reading in Greg's book was pretty much corroborating that fact, and our relationship was just going through this agonizingly slow decaying process, Keane came along. British boys, yum. British boys in a band, even yummier. I fell in love with their aptly titled first album, Hopes and Fears. They spoke to me, and somehow even in the midst of one of the most torrential times in my life, hearing the music from that first album always takes me to a happy place. I don't even think happy is the right way to describe it...maybe calm, or content is a better way to put it. But it makes me happy. Always has, always will.

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when, you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go, somewhere only we know
Somewhere only we know.

So when the movie made from the book that changed my life ended with a song that was simultaneously changing my life, too - well, lets just say it was absolutely perfect. And I consider it as my own little present from Greg Behrendt. Yes, I'm dilusional like that. :)

We shopped. We ate. We chick-flicked. (that sounds dirty, doesn't it?) We saw a chick flick. It was the perfect girls' night out. And then the whole feminist, 'we don't need boys', 'chicks before dicks' thing flew right out the window as The BFF went home to wait on The BF to get off work, Tonja went home to her fiance, and I went home to an empty house wishing I could be where The Hubs was, even if it meant I had to hide from The MIL.

And so, continuing this exceedingly long post: The Diet.

Lucky for you, there is very little to report in this category. I've been sort of, kind of, maybe watching what I eat, with little regard for calories, and I haven't worked out. I did, however, manage not to gain any weight, and even managed to lose a little... a whole .2 pounds. I weighed in at exactly 255 this morning. I'll take it. TBL at work starts next Monday with a weigh-in and a health screening, so I'm planning on kicking it into gear then, but trying not to sabotage myself until we get there.

And finally, th-th-th-th-that's all, folks!

Have a good week!